A friend of mine was recently caught in a lesbian affair by her husband of 20 years. It was a shock to all of us. She says that this is the first time that she has ever been unfaithful. She and her husband want to survive this affair.<P>Her "lover" has since left the area (at my friends request) and move to another State -- a 1000 miles away. However, it is clear that she did not want to leave and has indicated in a letter to my friend (which she has shared with husband) that she is ready to return at a moments notice. <P>Having previously read His Needs Her Needs, my questions are: Will she face any different difficulties than had the relationship been with a man? What kind of support can my husband and I give them during this difficult time?<P>

If you want to be a good friend, listen to them, let them talk when they are ready.<BR>And do not take sides.<P>Other than that tell them about this site, we have had men here who's wives were involved with other women.<P>They need to do the emotional needs questionair on this site, the husband needs to find out what she was getting from ow that he was not giving her.<P>My best guess, mind you this is just a guess, would be affection, attention and tenderness and romance. Those are the things that seem to get lost after a few years.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Droffid,<P>What a great friend you are!!! I wish my W had one like you to share- she is having an affair with another woman and it has lasted 2 months already almost to the date. The big difference is, my W says that she wants to live a gay lifestyle.<P>I wrote this in another post ("FIRST DATE ENDED IN DISASTER") & later erased it because I though it was inappropriate, but I think it fits here:<P>Things are not always right or wrong, square or round, flat or curve, gay or straight... I’ve read stories about MEN and WOMEN who never dreamed of being gay having an affair with someone of the same gender because at a time when they desperately needed a shoulder to lean or ears to listen they found a friend, and the step from been emotionally intimate to been physically involved was easy when it happened; funny, but in ALL these cases (not the norm of course) those people went back to been “straight” once they were back on their feet (emotionally). <P>I don’t think that 100% of straight people are 100% straight 100% of the time, meaning that for someone who is emotionally unstable, or for someone who was abused would be easy to confuse affection derived from friendship with love (???) even if this comes from someone of the same gender. In my book (and please don’t take me wrong) the only difference between true friendship and “being in love” is sex; now watch out: true friendship ALWAYS includes physical contact, that’s why we punch or buddies in the stomach or push each other around in high school & that’s why girls hold hands in campus. I am fortunate to have many female friends (even when they & I were single) & except in one case I didn’t become physically involved with them; what about the exception? We broke up & lost the friendship too. With my male friends it that was not an issue but still don’t believe in 100% of anything.<P>What your friends need is support, knowledge of how to work things out, dedication & much, much love.<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR>Live and learn<BR>

hi all, alex, very interesting post you have. Good insight for all of us.<BR>I doubt there are many differences-an affair is an affair is an affair regardless of the sex. <BR>Be there, be a good listener and try not to be judgmental. Perhaps share some of the harley info with them.

Thanx, cl; if there were magic formulas I would use the following equations:<P> Friends = Trust + Affection + Respect<P> Couple = Trust + Love + Respect<P>Alex