Just another one of my Chicken Soup For The Soul - and this one is even better!!!!!! Shall we all try it out?<BR> <BR> One Moment Please<P>"So, how do you develop a relationship?" This question was asked of me when I was doing a Relationship Service seminar for the YMCA. I have to admit that the question caught me off guard for a brief second. We had been talking "theory" all day and this woman wanted some concrete methods for developing client or, for that matter, any relationship. <P>After pausing for a minute to collect my thoughts, I stated that the only thing I could do was tell her the truth from my experience. Somewhat shyly, I began to tell her the story of how my wife and I saved our relationship. My mind flashed back to a time when Karen and I were at a State Fair and I won two red velvet hearts as a consolation prize in one of the midway games. I broke apart the two hearts and gave one to Karen and kept one for myself. <P>We had been married for 10 years and were going through a bit of a "flat spot" in our relationship. We still loved each other, but something was missing. <P>Karen did not want the "flatness" to continue so one day she came up with a plan. She took one of the hearts and hid it in my towel while I was taking a shower. When I went to grab my towel, the red heart spilled out. As I bent down to pick it up, I was overcome with a rush of emotion that made me flash back to the time when I won the red hearts and the love we felt for each other at that moment. <P>I then hid the heart in her sock drawer. She hid it in my underwear drawer. I hid it in the refrigerator. She wrapped it in plastic wrap and hid it in the peanut butter. Hiding the heart became as much fun as finding it. Each time we hid or found it was a moment to be treasured, like the first moment we fell in love or the first moment we kissed or the first moment we looked into our child's eyes. Each is a cherished and precious moment. <P>How do you develop a relationship? One moment at a time!<P><P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>

I think that is so SWEET!! I love it! I think I will try something like that out on my H. I think it would mean a lot to him.... I know it would surprise him for sure! Probably do a world of good for me too!

Lacee-<P><BR>DO IT I think we all ought to try it-and maybe we would have all sorts of "happy" things to write about Make sure if you do anything like this and it works that you share it with all of us here-ok?<P>Hugs for a happy day!<P><BR>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR><p>[This message has been edited by heartache (edited January 12, 2000).]

Thanks Heartache!!!<P>I love it....just wish I could do it!!<P>Hey - maybe my H hid his brain and I just haven't found it yet!!!!<P>Whatcha think? LOL!!!!<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

SHEBA-<P>LOL- I bet he did just that-and maybe if you look a bit harder you will find it. Think of how happy he would be to get back intact-LOL.<P>If you ever get the chance............I hope you will remember this <P>I always love your posts!!<P><BR>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR><p>[This message has been edited by heartache (edited January 12, 2000).]

beyond sweet.....very true too.....<P>I was thinking the other day......that in the beginning of our relationship, one of the things I loved about Deut and I, was that each would find little happy love notes hidden in cute places....he would leave them inside the instant coffee jar, taped to the lid of the toilet, I would put soem inside the medicine cabinet, taped to his pillow, inside the car, wherever....somehow, someway, we lost that....and alot of other cute little 'love habits' that really made each other feel loved, special and thought about....<P>well, in filling out the EM questionnaire....I realized that those love notes were one of my emotional needs...I missed them so much....and know that even small gestures could make a difference....well, earlier this week, I took a bunch of post-its, and wrote little love notes on them and posted them up around the house....it made me feel good....and hopefully, with these baby steps, we can find what I consider the 'romance' again....<P>thanks heartache....i love chicken soup.....especially when the noodles are this good!!!.....<P>Dylan

heartache, I found the perfect thing! I picked up an acorn that had fallen from a tree one morning at a beautiful bed and breakfast that we stayed at and had such a close wonderful time! I told him I was going to save it forever because the trip was so special! I will use that and then let you know if he notices! <P>Sheba!!! I laughed out loud when I read that and it scared me to death! I haven't heard myself laugh all day. All day? Sheesh.. could have been longer... In fact.. I can't remember when it was! Now that's pitiful, but I thank you for the laugh! LOL

SOULLOSS-<P>Did you finally wake up? LOL-just kidding <P>Thanks for reading and posting-as always-you are the bestest!!!!<P>If I could tuck a little note somewhere for you I am sure I would do just that!<P>H and I were real good at the notes and it was so much fun. Now we try but time seems to always be running away from us.<P>Keep up the GOOD work there girl!<P>HUGS<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>

Lacee-<P>You have your thinking cap on girl!!!! Way to go!!!!! I want to know-so I sure hope he notices soon!!<P>Soulloss can make anyone laugh-she is such a bright bubbly person. Wish she lived much closer <P>I am crossing my fingers for you Lacee-good luck!!<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR><p>[This message has been edited by heartache (edited January 12, 2000).]

I can't take the credit for making lacee laugh...it was sheba......<P>now I'm going to hide shamefully for not being entertaining enough......sniff, sniff, tear, cry, shame, wail..................lol<P>p.s, for your information missy, I woke up at 11:00 this morning.....!!!!!after going to bede at 3:30.....lol.....I felt so sinful....but wonder boy(the 4 yr. old, not the 30 yr. old) seems to be having insomnia...so, once the funfest of posting (what the heck came over me last night..I do not know...guess I NEEDED to introduce some fun...at times, the pain here gets to me)was over, the little one woke, and proceeded to be up until 5 am.....we ALL slept in this morning!!! lol<P>as for living closer, how far are you from the canadian border, heartache?...how north are you?...<P><BR>Dylan

.<p>[This message has been edited by ripped apart (edited January 13, 2000).]

Ripped Apart-<P>First of all I am not posting anything here for your benifit. If I remember correctly last August your W posted on a thread that the two of you were not going to be here-you were working on your marriage. That is what I am doing also. I do not need you to post on every thread I start. I am here to heal and that is what MB is all about. I have done nothing to hurt you and I see no reason for you to come here to try and hurt me. <BR>If you are going to read what I post then so be it. I haven't any way of stopping you. But as for you posting what I consider inappropriate replies to my posts I would rather you wouldn't.<BR>It made you angry when I read a post you put on MB last August ( which I immediately told you I read so you would know I was here) so why are you now following me around? Please stop-it isn't needed.<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR><p>[This message has been edited by heartache (edited January 12, 2000).]

Heartache,<P>Nice story! I think that tidbits like that always make people smile. Hey I noticed you are in Washington. I am also. I am on the Eastside of Seattle, where are you?<P>Gerri

Hi Limerick-<P>Thank you!! I thought it was wonderful-and a way for all of us who are willing and able to make a "positive" move.<P>I am about 3 hours south of Seattle. Rainy State huh??<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>

hey, Ripped....<P>I thought you had left in august....<P>heartache posted the story, I brought up the notes....<P>If you find notes from the OM, maybe you should talk to your W.....as in, why does she have them?.....during an affair, I've heard of the two people involved writing letters, notes, etc.....it's really not that unusual...hurts though, to find them....especially if concealed by someone you loved and trusted...doesn't it? <P>do you have a problem with this chicken soup thing?.....I noticed you've responded to both that have been posted here....not very 'nicely' (a little hint of pettiness with the other chicken soup post)...but not too much else.....perhaps its other things you are having a problem with.....<P>It's been almost 6 months since you posted regularly....I'm wondering perhaps if you should be going more in the direction of healing from your experience...<P>I must admit....i checked your profile because your name was not familiar..and searched thru your original post.....I must also admit that what you seem to be doing here is not really nice, considering the fact that heartache here is not the one you should be having a problem with...seems to me that popping up after 6 months....responding to pretty much only her posts, you have some sort of 'agenda'.....I would figure you would show another innocent party.....much as yourself...a little more respect....tell me, ripped, what has she, herself, done to you?<P>Dylan

sorry to butt in here, heartache...<BR>you had not posted your reply to ripped yet when i did.....forgive my big clodhopper feet stepping on yours....<P>by the way, <P><BR>YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!<P>perfect.<P>Dylan<P>------------------<BR>so maybe you wanted a martyr....just a regular gal would'nt do..but baby, I can't hang upon no lover's cross for you...Jim Croce

.<p>[This message has been edited by ripped apart (edited January 13, 2000).]

Rpped Apart-<P>Actaully-I do care about your feelings. But I have felt that you don't care a hoot about mine. When you said that you were leaving here I believed it-and I chose to stay. There isn't anything wrong with that. I didn't know you were watching over my shoulder.<P>You and I are in the same boat whether we like it or not. The things I have psoted are things I have felt. I have had some very difficult times-as I am sure you can remember the last conversation you and I had. If some thiongs don't "sit right" with you then they don't. I have not been posting anything here for you to see. They are my feelings. Strictly mine alone. It is up to me to get through this mess however I can. <BR>Granted there have been many misinformations on both sides of this story. And thanks to some people here I have chosen to let the past be the past. But as long as you are behind me all the way-reading and replying-I doubt I will ever recover. The damage was done by two people-and that wasn't you and it wasn't me. I do not deserve what are you are doing to me. Not one time have I felt that I was trying to "hurt" you.<P>I don't really know what else to say except that I don't even know your W's name on MB_and as far as I know I haven't read one of her posts.<P><P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>

dude, dude, dude...<BR> <BR>My wife almost lives on this board... so chances are she knows as much as has been posted which of course is not all, but hey, it's a start, and it's not really the point is it, now?<BR>I believe her post was more questioning your motives in attacking heartache. I'm sure we can all understand your anger towards your former friend, but please try to keep in mind that his wife was as hurt as you were. She played no part in causing you any pain, and as such is hardly deserving of the petty jabs you are posting. <BR>I dunno guy... this board is a place of healing and if you truly have any interest in that then I'm sure your presence would be welcomed. Pain, anger and all.<BR>I read over her shoulder often, and I have a memory of one of your posts where you were seeking advice/comments regarding confronting the OM. I have a suggestion. Why don't you sit down at the keyboard and write the guy a big long post?<BR>You can bet that Heartache would print it up and show it to her hubby. It may not be exactly what you had in mind but sounds like you could use a good venting... (and would surely prove better than a face to face meeting)<BR>My advice is to just aim it in the right direction.<BR>Deut

Thanks Souloss and Souloss's ExH,<P>I think your responses were rather well put from my point of view. I had all night to think about this and how I should react. I have chosen to put all here so that it is in the open.<P>RIPPED APART-<P>I think you are wrong for attacking me. I can understand your anger at things I have said. However, are you saying nice things about my H when you speak of him? I truly did NOT know that either you or your W were here until New Years Day-when she posted something that made no sense to me. I have tried to be rather careful while also trying to get help from people here at MB with my daily struggles.<P>My intention was never ever to hurt you. As I am fully aware you and I are feeling the same pain-why would I want to cause you more grief knowing how terribly bad I hurt? You did not do anything to me. I have said this all along.<P>I have also said it takes two to have an affair. My H and your W had an affair. That is the bottom line. I would give my life to change that fact-but I can't. <P>Yes I ahev written some rather ahrsh things that you have rad. I did NOT, I repeat DID NOT, know you were here reading them. I also, as I said in my last response to you, DO NOT know your W's nick name on this website. When I read your firrst post back in August I told you so that I wouldn't be "lurking" in your private world. You two ahve obviously read many things I have written here. That is something you chose to do. They were not written for you but for me as a way of hoping to begin the healing process. If you notice other posts here a lot of people "vent" in order to calm themselves back down. <P>I wish I had it within me to bottle all my feelings up inside and not have to be here. But I am weak. I hurt. I truly hate what hsa happened to my life. This has changed me in a very big way and has affected the way I function every day. My kids are always asking me what is wrong. I have been accused of "staring off in space" so many times.<P>You did get to confront my H last September. I had hoped that would ease your "not being able to confront him" . I don't know what to tell you except that<P>I AM SORRY IF I AM HURTING YOU-THAT WASN'T MY INTENTION.<P>I am also not trying to hurt your W-although I am aware that her reading my thoughts would be hurtful.<P>I miss her. We had many many good times. I am not dealing with just my H's betrayal but the loss of someone I considered my best friend. It is extremely difficult.<P>I have not threatened to do away with your W. You have told me not only that you used to tell your W if you ever caught her cheating you would "hide the bodies so they would never be found" but you told me how you followed my H through town one time. YOu told me how you had a certain route you drove in hopes of finding my H. These things also add to my hurt. You scare me to death-for I know you are very very angry. But you must realize as I do-if I have anger at your W for what she did then I also tell ymself I msut feel the same anger at my H. they were both involved.<P>If it makes you feel any better may I also say I DON'T know what to believe. I don't believe everything I hear at home. But I also don't believe everything your W is telling you. Had either one of them chosen to NOT be involved there wouldn't have been an affair. They both chose to do this. Now we must all find a way to heal. I do NOT think we are doing each other any favors by holding on to all the hate and then attacking each other on a forum. We have got to realize that the hate msut be directed at the fact that we are all hurt. We can wish it never happened but then we have to move to the next step. It can't be changed.<P>I am just rambling now. I know you are reading this. I hope I made myself clear. It was NEVER my intention to attack you or hurt you. I told you I would always be there if you needed to talk-I meant that. I don't know what else to say except I wish you well. I hope you will heal as I hope I will heal.<P>Take care-<P>heartache