As I read some posts and some replies I realise there is someone here that should not be. Not an intruderer or a troublemaker, but someone that needed to be here and now needs to step back for awhile.<P>I'm not calling anyone out, but this is aimed at someone specific. <P>How many times have you sit and read these posts? How many times have you offered advice to people? The advice given by you has helped all, including myself, yet you do not seem to be able to help yourself. I imagine you ask yourself why.<P>With all the love and compassion that you have, why can you not fix your situation? Why aren't things different for you?<P>Personally, I think you are hiding. You don't even know this, but you are. You take the time to read the posts and make great replies, but in doing so it is consuming you. Are you spending more time here than there?<P>This board is a great place, I wouldn't have made it alone. I am not discouraging anyone from posting here, quite the contrary. But this one person hopefully will hear / read my message, will know I'm talking to them.<P>Take a break. Let God talk, it's time to listen.<P>While aimed specific, if you feel this is you or offends you let me know, if I've hurt your feelings I'm sorry, God Bless<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Paul Moyers (edited January 12, 2000).]

Boy, that's a post to drive us all crazy. I often wonder if I don't spend too much time here (instead of there), but I could drive myself crazy trying to guess who you're aiming at. Oh well...

it may be to one person, but it could be to many of us...<BR>eloquently put, paul.<P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.alladvantage.com<BR>ID#" TARGET=_blank>www.alladvantage.com<BR>ID#</A> atp-113<P>

Ut oh!

Sorry Paul<BR>I do have a bit of a problem with what you have said. <BR>There are people here who are doing pretty well in general who need to occasionally vent and come here to do it.<BR>There are people here who help themselves by helping others. It makes them feel good about themselves. ( I think there is a reference to that kind of giving in the Bible)<BR>There are Way too many people that are too timid to post and saying something like this will make it even harder for them.<BR>I know you are trying to be helpful but there are many here who will take it personally in their present state. <BR>If that was for me - Hey don't offend anyone else please. If I'm not welcome try honesty and avoid judgements.<BR>Sorry if I sound harsh but your post resembles some things that I'm not really big on right at the moment.<BR>IMHO there is absolutely no one who should feel they don't belong here and that they can't find their own form of help. Be it by seeking advice or helping others.<BR>We don't know what is in anyone's mind and we only know what we read.<BR>

Hey Paul, tell us how you really feel!

I started comming here in May and have taken time away and came back again. I still see familiar names. However this board is for everyone and while you may feel that someone is here to much it is not your place to tell them that they are not welcome. Maybe their life is not good yet, maybe they haven't changed their situation. Who knows what tommorow holds. I am sorry but I think that you are wrong by telling someone that they are not welcome here, this may be there only place to come. I hope that EVERYONE feels welcome here and I hope that no one is pushed away by this. My 2 cents worth. Monique

Paul,<P>I think this is inappropriate as well, and it violates a lot of the "MarriageBuilder" principles.<P>If you think someone is spending more time here than working on their marriage, post to them DIRECTLY.

Paul,<P>I have to agree with what Wasstubborn said.<BR>I'm sure you are trying to help, but it does sound just a bit harsh. And maybe I spend too much time here, but I have no one with a face to talk to, wish I did. And I spend a lot of time in prayer and working on this marriage I have, such as it is at the moment.<BR>But if I didn't have this place to come to when I felt the need, I think I would lose my mind. So far these people here have kept me from doing some very stupid things, and I am so thankful for that. And I hope in turn I have helped others. We all need support to get through this pain, and none of us should feel we don't belong here. Just my opinion for what it's worth.

I agree, if you have a problum with someone tell them.<P>------------------<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> LMS20ish@cs.com <P><BR>

It would appear that too many are not taking this in the manner it was intended, a few have. My apologies<P>P.S. I do not have a problem with anyone and I am not saying all are not welcome, not my place. I was just making an observation. I love everyone here as my brothers and sisters.<P>[This message has been edited by Paul Moyers (edited January 12, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by Paul Moyers (edited January 12, 2000).]

Paul,<BR> Maybe many of us took it differently than you meant. I am sure that you meant no harm to anyone, but perhaps your concern about the person should be handled differently. If someone is helping others even if they don't seem to be helping themselves, then they may getting some gratificaition out of the ability to help others. When your life seems to be turned upside down any little thing that you can do right may be the only thing that you have to hold on to. I know that I am on the road to recovery thanks to everyone here. Sorry if we were so hard on you. Monique

Perhaps it's me?!<P>I know that I could stand to take more time "there" instead of here. In my situation, I'm still trying to find a way toward recovery. Some things have been working, most have not. It really helps to have this place to vent, to question, to inquire. I cannot do it at home since my W isn't communicating these things back to me. This has been my venue to sound out these ideas and test them on people just like us/me/you. Without the anger, hostility, and resentment if I fail to do something perfectly.<P>I hope it wasn't directed toward me -- I've been real defensive lately at home, so why not here, too? But, i read your post as a constructive and clever way to suggest to this person to take care of "business" at home like they're suggesting it be done on the website.<P>--keystone

Hey Paul - I understand that your comments were in line with what this forum is all about - helping others to help themselves. That said however, we all heal differently and our needs are all met differently (think EN questionnaire). Could be that the person you refer to indeed gets great satisfaction out of helping others and is here as often as they are due to the cathartic nature of realizing that you are not alone. Maybe they take comfort in the "I once complained because I had no shoes and then I met a man who had no feet" line of thinking; there is always someone worse off and in need of help than you. <BR>Cheers!<BR>Lisa

I hope you dont take to much offense to this and I mean no disrespect, but who made you "the forum god"? No one person should feel as though they dont belong here. Healing is a process, and some take different avenues along the way. Whether they are reading, giving advice, or "hiding" in the shadows should be no concern of yours. <P>Everyone is here for insight and they are reaching out for something...whatever it may be. You know...my father is a recovered alcoholic and when I was young I attended AA and Alateen meetings. I saw alot of drunks staggering in, many people crying with snot running down their noses. I saw mothers(and children)with bruised faces, fear, and shame(including myself), and I was taught to never turn my back. Never judge a person in pain, and when they reach out to heal, you offer them a hug...no judgements, unless they ask. <P>My father once told me.."kid, whenever you point your finger at someone else, look at your hand and realize there are fingers pointing back at you". I think you really need to read your post again, only this time, talk as if you were saying to yourself.<P>I know your motives were for empathetic reasons, I just think you could have been more discreet in the way you approched this.

If it's me, I would give my right arm to be able to do anything more for my situation. I'm in "wait & wait" mode. Once I get the chance, I guarantee you guys won't see me quite as much.<P>Oops, sorry, I'm supposed to be taking a break!

Yeah Chris---get lost!!!<BR>

I suppose it could be me....I do have a big mouth, you know. <P>However, my situation has actually IMPROVED dramatically since coming here. I can really only be helpful with a very narrow subset of situations (spouses dealing with a spouse having an inappropriate friendship with a member of the opposite sex), but within that context, I think I belong here.<P>Besides, SOMEBODY has to roil the waters around here!

Paul,<P>Hey, I don't know if this post is for me or not - could be. Whomever it is for...all I can say is this: It is human nature not to be able to see yourself and your own situation as clearly as you can see another's. I definitely know that is true for me, and I clearly have stated this in several of my posts.<P>To whomever thinks this post is for them [besides me, of course! ]:<P>This forum is here for a reason - SUPPORT. Whether you are the GIVER or the RECEIVER or just lurking and learning, this is open to everyone! Whether you are with your spouse and working on your marriage or still "waiting" like some of us are, if you need to give or receive support - PLEASE STAY, as long as you need to!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

D&C:<P>Remind me again---what EXACTLY is your position on "Attractive Spouse" as an emotional need and breast implants...<P> <P><BR> <P>(Hey---what did you think of The Green Mile, BTW)