If I have come here for support and inspiration...it looks like I have come to the wrong place. This is depressing.

K:<P>The MB principles are embodied in Windows NT?<P>That's news to me.

Searching:<P>Talking to your SIL for 15 minutes about this once in a while isn't dangerous (particularly).<P>But lets say that you spend 2-3 hours/day with her, and she also shares with you how unhappy her marriage is... therein lies the danger. <P>So, if I was counseling you, I'd ask you how much time you spend with your SIL, and what kind of time is it (alone or with others). I'd ask you what you talk about. And then, if I saw signs that appeared to be unhealthy, I'd suggest that you step back from that situation and find a different way to get support.<P>And I see that Lonestar has stepped in beautifully, so I'll leave it at that...<P>I'm not condemning you or your actions at all---I don't know enough about you or them. I'm just saying that this "cookie-cutter" rule has a very valid reason for being in place to protect marriages.

Dazed and Confused:<P>LOL!!!! I'm on an NT box at work, and this thing drives me CRAZY <P>Searching:<P>I cannot see how you don't find "support" and inspiration from this place. You'll get tons of support---although the support may not be in the "you're doing everything perfectly" form that you might want to hear. As far as inspiration---there are lots of people here who have saved their marriages from very extreme circumstances (me included). There are more here who have been unable to save their marriage, but through the use of these "principles" are in a much better place after divorce or separation than they would have been otherwise.<P>No one's picking on you personally. You challenged the reason of a cardinal rule of marriagebuilders, and we're trying to help you understand the logic (which I believe you do). Nothing else.

Well....you all certainly took this heartfelt warning and ran another direction with it. Guess that is typical for these boards.<P>Just a note of observation...I would say there is a "cult" following that exist here...but I don't think it is Dr. Harley that they swarm around or even his teachings. I think what is followed is each others misery. Some just can't break away from here...it becomes an addiction to many.<P>I appreciate the words of wisdom. that K gave following my initial post. I broke them...all....and stumbled flat on my face. Put then...that is the power of the needs that so many are trying to deal with. I am getting counseling now. My counselor shared two things that really made sense with me recently.<P>1) When emotion meets reason/logic, emotion will win out everytime...unless reason has a plan. The incredible pull of emotional longings and needs can drive the strongest of men and women to do things they would never do in their right mind. So if you feel like you are "to strong to stumble", take heed lest you fall.<P>2) Regarding the old saying about the grass being "greener on the other side"...the truth is...the grass is greener where ever it is being watered. Be careful about where you "water" on these boards...or who you allow to "water" your soul and heart.<P>I'll say this for sure....I spent some time on these boards last spring...backed off in the summer...and pop in every once in awhile. The nature and "spirit" of the dialouge sure has changed...without a doubt.<P>Good luck...finding the peace you all are searching for....it can be a lonely and painful battle...But God says he will be found by those who diligently seek after Him.

[censored]:<P>That is so neat that the Holy Spirit talks directly to you, without the need for Godly (but weak) human teachers!<P>Wish I could get the Holy Spirit to talk directly to me, because, quite frankly, I'm tired on Sunday mornings. And getting the kids ready for church is such a hassle. But if the Holy Spirit would just start talking directly to me, I wouldn't even have to get out of bed!<P>Wow! Talk about heaven!<P>(Removing tongue from cheek now...)

K:<P>Hate NT? Try Windoze 98. You don't know what H*ll is until you do.

NoMas:<P>I like your counselor. Having a plan in place is key, and that's very much the part of the Marriagebuilder's behavioral approach. And I love the "grass is greener where it's watered" saying, 'cause that's the honest truth!!<P>Doug: <P>You're bad. Baiting fundementalists is gonna cost you. But I love you anyway, Child of God.<P>[censored]:<P>I love you too. We've had our disagreements before---I sometimes worry that you haven't opened your heart to the Holy Spirit in the way that God would wish you too. <P>Dazed and Confused: <P>I miss my Mac...