Hi All,<P>Have been lurking for a while. Sorry have not posted or replied lately, to exhausted. Husband moved out end of Nov. after 1 1/2 months after discovery. He stood me up New Years Eve. I did major LB, called OWH. Had bad seen with counselor a week after LB. Met H for dinner 3 days later, we both apologized for the way we have been treating eachother. Said he still loved me. Almost called 3 or 4 times to ask if he could come home. Admitted for first time it was an addiction. Said he and OW had talked two days in a row about ending affair. Said 80% of marriage was good. Gave me a hug and kiss (not romantic though, ugh!)goodby. Said he'd like to spend some time together. H called next morning about health ins. H needed to go to doctor, thought he had the flu. told him I'd call later to see what the doctor said. Called (it was friday eve)him to see how he was, said he was not feeling any worse. Asked if he wanted to have dinner, he said yes. At dinner he did a 360, asked what I was up to, said I always have an agenda. Said he was not sure where he was, that he considers us not married and we are free to do as we please. I told him I just wanted to spend some quality time with him and demonstrate my willingness to change to meet his EMN. Finnished dinner and ended evening with a hug and ROMANTIC kiss! Said he would like to come to visit on Sunday. I said that would be nice and told him I was starting CW dance lessons Sunday evening and he was welcome to be my partner. Said he'd call me on Sunday. To make a long story short, he called Sunday morning, said he did not feel up to coming to visit or go dancing. Told him I understood and maybe he could make it next time. Tuedsay he called to ask if his brother and father could stay at the house next week when they come for a visit. Told him that was fine, said he'd let me know when they would be here. Invited him to go boating Wednesday afternoon. Told him it was suppose to be in the 80"s and I couldn't think of anything I'd rather do than go out for the afternoon on the boat and SEDUCE him. He said he'd call and let me know if he could finish his work in time. I did not hear from him! <P>What do you think, did I come on to strong? Should I leave him alone until he calls me? Really down! This SUCKS BIG TIME. (sorry) I just miss him sooo much. But, I don't want to push him away. Any advice????????

Hurtin,<BR> Just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Many people here have been where you have. When you go out with your H do you talk about how good things are going? Do you think that the comment about seducing him may have made him feel pressured? My two cents is keep asking him over, make him feel good and loved, but let him make the moves so that you both know that he is doing them because he wants to not becasue he feels obligated. I think he will make the moves and feel good about it when he thinks that it is his choice. Make any sense? <BR> Monique

With the beautiful weather we've been having in Texas, it's quite a shame our marriages can't mirror it. <BR>IMO, your H is doing what mine(and probably others) have done. He's teetering back n forth between you and OW. I call this "having cake and eating it too". That analogy is a well used oldie but a goodie. <BR>Your H's statement about considering you "not married" and "free to do as we please" is his<BR>way of justifying his behavior. He's giving himself a GREEN LIGHT to go go go. I'm sorry because I know how that hurts. My H has said the very same thing. It's amazing how when we get together and compare notes how very similiar the betrayers are.<BR>As for advice. My Mom has told me:<BR>1)Don't call<BR>2)Don't page <P>I know it's hard. I say let him contact you next and when he does act cool calm and collected. Say something like,"hey what's up?" blah blah blah. And don't worry, he will call. As for "seducing" him. I'm learning the hard way, sexual intimacy should be a NO NO.<BR>I'm reading a book,"Back from Betrayal" and<BR>it says how women consider sex an important sign of love. Think about it. If your H is sexing this OW, are they using protection?<BR>Unless you do, you could be putting yourself at risk. You probably don't know anything about OW's sexual history. I don't want to stereotype the OW but... <BR>By giving your H sex, that's not going to make him come home OR keep him out of the OW's arms. I'm reading this as reminder for myself too! I wish I knew more about your situation. I hope I helped you. <P><BR>------------------<BR>For I know the thoughts I think<BR>toward you, saith the Lord,<BR>thoughts of peace, not of evil,<BR>to give you an expected end.<BR>Jeremiah 29:11<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Kyra (edited January 12, 2000).]