My husband will be making a final decision between the OW or me in the next 2-4 weeks. He hasn't had contact with her in about 5 months, but the intensity of emotions and draw towards her personality persists. We have worked very hard, have stayed together, been in counseling since June, and basically I have given all of my energy, heart, and soul to our marriage. I am running on minimal reserves now and could lose all stamina and perserverence at any moment, but the desire is still there to prevail.<P>My husband has read and reread and outlined After the Affair by Springs and Private Lies. He does have more objectivity and awareness of the risks of romantic affairs, but is having problems considering being without her and those feelings the rest of his life.<P>If you have any suggestions for ways to find more focus and energy I would love to hear them. Such as bible verses, songs, poems, etc.......<P>Thank you,<BR>Jenn

Jenn,<P>It sounds like you have done what you can to make things work. Hopefully your husband will realize how wrong it would be to leave you. Nonthelless, you need to continue to work on making yourself the best person you can be whether he stays or not. Do something for yourself. Give yourself some positive strokes. I will include one of my favorite prayers (Prayer of St. Francis) here as well as the words to a Billy Joel song. I wish you the best.<P>Prayer of St. Francis<P> Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace, <BR> Where there is hatred, let me sow love, <BR> Where there is injury, pardon, <BR> Where there is despair, hope, <BR> Where there is darkness, light, <BR> Where there is sadness, joy.<BR> <BR> O divine master, grant that I may not <BR> So much seek to be consoled, as to console, <BR> To be understood, as to understand, <BR> To be loved, as to love, <BR> For it is in giving that we receive, <BR> It is in pardoning that we are pardoned, <BR> And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.<P><BR>And So It Goes – Billy Joel<P>In every heart there is a room<BR>a sanctuary safe and strong<BR>to heal the wounds from lovers past<BR>until a new one comes along<P>I spoke to you in cautious tones<BR>You answered me with no pretense<BR>and still I feel I said too much<BR>my silence is my self defense<P>And every time I've held a rose<BR>it seems I only felt the thorns<BR>and so it goes, and so it goes<BR>and so will you soon I suppose<P>But if my silence made you leave<BR>then that would be my worst mistake<BR>so I will share this room with you<BR>and you can have this heart to break<P>And this is why my eyes are closed<BR>it's just as well for all I've seen<BR>and so it goes, and so it goes<BR>and you're the only one who knows<P>So I will choose to be with you<BR>that's if the choice were mine to make<BR>but you can make decisions too<BR>and you can have this heart to break<P>And so it goes, and so it goes<BR>and you're the only one who knows

TCL,<P>Thank you for the prayer and song lyrics. It means alot to me for you to take the time to share them with me.<P>~Jenn

Does anyone else have some inspiration????

Does anyone else have some words of inspiration?????

Jenn,<P>Wish I could help you, but I'm sorta needing my own words of inspiration right now... Don't want to get into it, but I'm in a bad place. <P>--andy

Jenn,<P>"Hope for the best, but prepare for the worse" was my motto.<P>I think should your husband choose to go to the OW, you should consider going to plan B shortly after.<P>But you will do great---I have no doubts. Take some time for yourself, and as TCL points out, your work is to continue to be the best "Jenn" you can be.

I can only offer you what I know. Since my H's affair started, I have put all of my energy into me. I have gone to therapy, really looked at myself and what I don't like about me and tried to change them. I have looked amy myself and what I do like and tried to enhance that. If things don't work out, at least you will be happy with the person you are. And that is so important. But I do have my fingers crossed for you. <P>------------------<BR>Lots of love,<BR>Viki

One thing to remember is that God does not make mistakes. He intends for marriage to last a life time and that includes for you and your h. You are the wife that God intended your h to have, not the ow. Pray that your h will realize this before he is in a relationship that God will not authorize. Look up the Bible verses in Proverbs about the seductive woman.(Prov 7:6-27) They can pass a horrible spell on our h and their draw is so strong! Then read about how God will not let you go through more than you can bear (Hebrews 13). And remember that even when you do not know what to pray, The Holy Spirit is making intercessions for us with God (Romans 8:26-27) How awesome to know that we have that going on for us. Hang in there and try not to compete with the ow. You need to be the best you that you can be. Work on yourself, be positive in your home, and above all don't point out all of the ow faults to your h (from my experience this is a huge no no!) But most importantly, rely on God and let Him convict your h. That is not an easy thing to do, but I know that when I got out of the way and let God, my husband was convicted. When I try to do it my way, my h can blame me for my critical, controlling behavior. God bless you. This is a terrible place to be, but you will grow into a much better person having gone through it.

Jennifer, you are in my prayers. <P>Lori

This one always encourages me:<P><I>Just Wait - Blues Traveler</I><P>If ever you are feeling like you're tired<BR>And all your uphill struggles are headed downhill<BR>If you realize your wildest dreams can hurt you<BR>And your appetite for pain has drunk its fill<P>I ask of you a very simple question<BR>Did you think for a minute that you were alone<BR>And your suffering is a privilege you share only<BR>Or did you think that everybody else feels completely at home<P>If you think I've given up on you you're crazy<BR>And if you think I don't love well then you're just wrong<BR>In time you just might take to feeling better<BR>Time is the beauty of the road being long<P>I know that now you feel no consolation<BR>But maybe if I told you and informed you out loud<BR>I say this without fear of hesitation<BR>I can honestly tell you that you make me proud<P>If anything I might have just said has helped you<BR>If anything I might have just said helped you just carry on<BR>Your rise uphill may no longer seem a struggle<BR>And your appetite for pain may be all but be gone<P>I hope for you and cannot stop at hoping<BR>Until that smile has once again returned to your face<BR>There's no such thing as a failure who keeps trying<BR>Coasting to the bottom is the only disgrace<P>Just wait<BR>Just wait<BR>Just wait<BR>And it will come<P>Best of luck to you Jenn.<P><BR>----<BR>Eric<P>

Hey All,<P>Thank you so very much for your ideas.....the bible verses (I'm not much of a bible scholar myself), and lyrics have already been uplifting. I hope you are all doing as well as possible yourselves.<P>The one common theme I am reading over and over is to focus more on ourselves. As a nurse and caregiver, I have not done this much at all and am finally understanding the necessity of it. I have all my back up plans if he leaves, and have grown tremendously internally, but I need to rebuild self-love and appreciation for myself.<P>Best Wishes....Jenn

Jen--<P>Sounds like your H is learning a bit about growing up, and having a tough time of it. Many of the betrayers seem to have this problem -- the acknowledgment that "I may never have that 'butterflies' feeling again."<P>I don't know...it's tough for me to relate to that. Yes, those feelings were great, but would I sacrifice the shared history I have with my H; the comfort level, the knowledge that when I say, 'My back itches', he knows EXACTLY where?<P>H*ll, no.<P>What people don't realize is that the only way to keep those feelings forever is to jump from person to person to person, "feeding the habit". And that's no way to live.<P>I hope your H learns this. Maybe he'll have to choose OW for a while until the butterflies fade to realize it.