for those of you who have not read Heartaches' most recent post further down on page one here, there is a situation brewing of the Mia/Tired Lady/Exhausted man sort....<P>my response to this kind of harrassment here on what I considered a 'safe place' was the following: <P>\\\\\So, what do you know about me and my story?<P>what I know stems from your wife's apology post to heartache, and the original post made by you that started that particular thread in august...<P>\\\\\\Have you also gone back and read heartaches posts soulloss? <P>actually, since you asked that question, I wanted to be able to be honest with you....I started doing just that today...and again, in all honesty, I read 52 of them this morning.......boy are my eyes tired.....52 of her 160 posts....I have a child to raise here, and can't devote the time I would love to this...have you read her posts? ALL 160 of them?.....do you have that much time on your hands?.....let me tell you what I found........out of the 52 I did read.......2........count 'em.......there were 2 posts in which she spoke derogatorily about your wife.......the rest, were hugs and support for others hurting on this board...or cyber-dinner invitations, or a helping hand, or just sharing her pain...i did notice that whenever she mentioned your wife directly, it was usually within a thread regarding the OP being a friend, and the starter of the thread usually had nasty things to say about their own OP.....that is why we come here partly....to vent....get the rage and anger out here.....SAFELY ....or so I thought........<P>\\\\\\Have you noticed she has<BR> written over 100 ( OVER ONE HUNDRED ) posts about my wife,,, <P><BR>Sorry, as I said, most of her posts WERE NOT ABOUT YOUR WIFE.....they are however, about the PAIN caused to her in part, by YOUR WIFE......these chicken soup posts though, have nothing to do with you or your wife...so why are you attacking her?.....she is sharing something many have asked her to...I personally love this chicken soup stuff...makes me feel better...puts a smile on my face...or makes me think....why do you wait for her to post and then pounce??<P><BR>\\\\\\\who in fact, started<BR> posting here the end of JUNE, before heartache was here.<P>well, we could all get into the kindergarten mentality of who was here first...but the bottom line was that you and your wife led us all to believe that you were leaving at the end of august to go and build your marriage.....it is dishonest of you to then return, to lurk, wait for heartache to post and then leave snide, petty posts on her threads....you both said you were leaving...announced it...so, heartache stayed....<P>\\\\\Heartache has posted many things knowing my wife would see it, she has called my wife<BR> many names and said awful things about her, and many lies that her husband has told<BR> her.<P>as I just said.......everyone thought you were both leaving...how is she posting all these things just for you and your wife to read.???? I guess everytime she supported someone here or extended her hand in friendship...that was to 'get' to your wife too???? you blame the woman who has been lied to??? you do this because she recounts what her husband has told her????????? the husband she has to live with? the husband she needs to build a future with???? she does not have much choice...as I do not....we, who decide to stay and salvage our marriages have to make the choice of who and what to believe....she has stated so very many times that part of her not-being able to get over this stems from the fact that she does not know what to believe.....or who........are you so sure everything out of your wife's mouth is the gospel truth??? she lied to you for 2 years!!!!.......<P>\\\\\She has said my wife was the instigator in this affair, yet, i was here at home before the<BR> affair started and I know he was calling my home at least 4 times a night, hoping my wife<BR> would answer.He was a more than willing participant in this.<P>the affair happened.....no matter who instigated it......it happened........details at this point, are just that....details....if you concentrate on who said what, who lied, who started it, who kissed who....whose arm was where.....oh for crying out loud....do you see how it just does not help anyone?????........yes, he was more than a willing participant in this........heartache I'm sure, would be the first to acknowledge this......but it does take two to continue......if you were home, knowing these phone calls were coming in, before the affair started, how come you never brought this up...what, before the affair starts you don't ask your wife why this husband of a friend is calling??? you don't ask the friend?? you just let it go for 2 years??????? and your wife is also the one that stated she truly hoped and believed that no one (even you) would EVER find out about the affair.....<P>\\\\\\There are many things I have not told the Om's wife, as I did not care to hurt her more<BR> than she was already hurt. There are so many things she does not know. Why was I<BR> protecting her? <P>so maybe if both of you just spilled EVEYTHING each of you knows, at least the details once and for all would come out and PERHAPS some healing could take place.....I am sure there are many things that heartache has not divulged to you either.....if you didn't care to hurt her anymore than she already was, why are you here, doing this to her, knowing the effect it will have on her??? for someone not wanting to hurt, YOU ARE DOING EXACTLY THAT......why were you protecting each other???? the hurt you both feel and have gone through cannot be matched by much...but details of what each knows sure as heck can't hurt anymore than the both of you knowng that each others' trusted and loved spouse did this to the both of you with each other!!!! in other words, it may hurt, but there is a river of hurt there already...details are a drop in the ocean...as they say....<P>\\\\\She does not care about my feelings. She knew we were here.<P>she doesn't care about your feelings???? like you care so very much about hers...to be doing this to her....buddy, your wife and her husband had an affair...her feelings about you right now are probably 'they hurt us both, and now ripped is doing this..specifically.....why is he doing this to me???'<BR>she was going to leave this board at one time.....BECAUSE she cares about your feelings....if you and your wife had not said you were leaving, I'll bet you 10 million dollars that heartache would have found somewhere else to go.......I don't think this is really her idea of fun.....<P>\\\\\ Go back<BR> and read those posts, and tell me that she was not trying to hurt us. Yes, we did leave<BR> the board for awhile, to concentrate on us and we did. <P>she was venting her feelings.......she was sharing her pain...as we all do...she was not trying to hurt you...if she wanted to do that, well she could have told everyone in town about everything....or your kids....but no, she came here, and blew off steam and helped others see that it was NORMAL and HEALTHY to let it out....she thought she was telling things to people who understood....if you really truly believe she would post 160 times over 6 months just to hurt the both of you, well, I think you may need deep therapy for that 'I am the center of the universe' complex you seem to have...also,....if you read the things I have written about the OW in my husband's affair...whew!..but I have to live with him...so, I direct my rage at her.....and I did not even know the woman...am I angry??? you bet...my OW has at times been a b!tch, a tramp, a slut, a c&nt, everyname in the book...its not nice, I'm not proud, but at least, it was HONEST anger.....how would I feel if It was my friend??, well, I would probably kill myself. over the double betrayal.....you know all about double betrayal...her husband was a friend you have said, so, take everything you are feeling and KNOW that she is feelling it too......have some compassion for a fellow human being....<P><BR>\\\\\At that time, I chose to focus my<BR> attention on my wife and our recovery, not the Om and my hatred for him.<P>then you should change the line in your profile that says your interest is 'making him pay'....If I were heartache...I would feel the need for a restaining order...what you said about hiding the bodies, and following her H, could legally be construed as verbal assault, stalking, and I too, would be afraid...is that what you wanted??? ....her to be afraid of you???? ...is that what you need to feel better?.......congrats...you've made an innocent woman afraid of you.....and if your hatred is so strong for the OM, then why torment his wife.... here???...why torment his wife at all.......you hate him......fine....I'll bet she has hated him more...WHAT THE HELL DID SHE EVER DO TO YOU??????????..or perhaps this is how you will make him pay??? destroy the mind of his wife...maybe push her over the edge??? maybe get her so hurting and shaking that she leaves him???? thus you get to ruin his life??...tell me, are you as intent on making your wife pay as well??...it does take two to tango...I'd be interested to know if she has paid a price besides getting to watch you keep an innocent woman unbalanced.....<BR> <BR>\\\\\\Please go read all of heartaches posts and the nasty things she has said about my wife,<BR> knowing we would read it, hoping we would.<P>every betrayed wife here has said nasty, evil, rude, disgusting things about the OP involved......every single one of us...are you suddenly going to post at all of us too......you cannot single her out....WE ARE ALL GUILTY......it is how some of us cope....how we desperately grab onto and try to hold onto our sanity....I honestly think heartache has posted to help, share and inform.....her 160 posts speak for themselves.....do your 10 posts do the same?<P>you go back, read all of heartaches posts...do as I have done..pen and paper in hand.......for example....<BR>1st searched post.......no mention of your wife<BR>2nd searched post......mentions only betrayal involved best friend<BR>3rd searched post.......answering a survey<BR>4th searched post.......wishes for apology...in no way does she 'slag' your wife<BR>5th searched post......topic is about OP being a friend.....yes, she does go off on your wife here....<BR>6th searched post......she sent hugs in support of someone<BR>7th searched post......she sent hugs in support<BR>8th................................she sent hugs again<BR>9th...same as above<BR>10th..same as above<BR>11th.....explains her situation but does not 'slag' your wife<BR>12th...talks about her brother-in-law's cancer<BR>13th.....how kids are affected by infidelity...nothing about your wife<P>I could go on.....say the word and I will gladly give you a brief synopsis of each and everyone of her <BR>posts.....I'll get a babysitter and get back to you in a few days..........i can post it here for you, but the MB <BR>site is probably limited in the megs it can devote to my posts....<P>This WAS a safe haven for heartache to turn to...not only was her marriage and very life shattered....but now, to violate her this way...with this harassment....<P>Do you and your wife have a right to be here??? there would and could be a lengthy debate and everybody on this site could get involved...but for now, I will give you my honest opinion...<P>yes, you probably do have a right...IF YOUR INTENTION IS TO BUILD YOUR MARRIAGE and salvage what you can from the rubble....but if your true intent (which is still not clear to me) is to stalk, harrass, intimidate or just plain bother her through this forum, maybe it would be best if you went somewhere else<BR>perhaps councelling would help...I see aman who is not healing or moving forward...I see a man blinded by hurt, pain and anger.....a man who is taking it out on the wrong party.....you want to get mad?? get mad at your wife...her actions and thoughtless dismissal of your marriage vows (just as much as heartache's husband)...is what you should be angry about...an even so, after this much time...all I see is no one healing from this...please get some help....<P>Dylan<P>Now for me, the conundrum is simply that i do not know how much of this crap I can take anymore.....for the spouse of a cheating wife to come here, and harrass the innocent wife of the cheating husband that the cheating wife cheated with, (is everyone confused with me??) after telling one and all that they were leaving, just shows a basic lack of respect...the goal here is to rebuild marriages......not come back and attack someone for feelings they have been posting for 6 months....<P>the pain here is too much.....I need to get a life......actually, I need to work on the life I have.....<P>Like Paul Moyers posted, (and for all the paranoid people out there, I think that since Paul mentioned that his intention was fullfilled and the only person to leave the board within the same time frame was NOMAS, can everyone now relax???...obviously, an affair started here, at the site, and now, hopefully for those involved, everyone will get back on track....of course, I could be so off track here with this...just my guess...Paul)...it may be time for more than one of us to loosen our grips on this board and join the real world......<P>I have a marriage that is imminently (sp?) salvagable....so maybe I should just go and do that...and keep my big fat mouth shut and nose out of other people's business....<P>my aim here has ALWAYS been to help...but alas, I am too involved .....I cannot tell you how much I have wanted to help...to the point where I now know I have to go back to school and become a counsellor.....that way, I get to slap people upside the head and I get paid for it!!!<P>for those of you with my e-mail address....I'm not moving...keep using it.....for those who want it.....ask new-beginning...she is my new manager......LOL<P>I will be posting one last post tonight - a goodbye to all sort of thing with special thank-yous and thoughts.....later....right now, I have a seriously neglected 4 year old to play with....and you know what? he plays more nicely than some here.....<P>talk to you tonight,<P>Dylan<p>[This message has been edited by soulloss (edited January 13, 2000).]

As your manager, dear one, I suggest that you DO NOT LEAVE and do as I'm beginning to do...<P><B>Stay away from posts that hurt your spirit</B><P>Please hang around... you are a kindred spirit!!<P>Love you, Sheryl

Please don't go? I understand your need to spend more time with your child, but please don't leave all together? I have gotten such wonderful insight from your posts!! Do like Sheryl suggests.... everyone would miss you so much....

An apology from ripped apart and I to all that we have hurt and offended through these posts, including especially heartache.<BR>Nobody HAS to leave the forum, but we will now definitly leave this forum and not return, not to even lurk. If we were to return, we would announce it next time, but we will not return, at all. This place is a place for healing, for everyone, betrayers and the betrayed.<BR>please feel free to say whatever you wish, whatever will help in your healing.<BR>Once again, our apologies, and a promise to leave the forum for good, and continue to work on our marraige and healing from this<BR>painful event.<P>Heartache, I am sorry for the pain I caused you, and always will be.<P>Goodbye.

Dylan (Delicious Dyl)<BR>YEAAAARG!!!!!<BR>Waddya mean you're leaving?<BR>You CAN'T leave!!!<BR>This site and forum has helped us get through the toughest of the tough. And we are not done the healing yet...<BR>Not to mention all the friends you've made here...<BR>Not to mention the fact that you post really good stuff...<BR>Not to mention that by perusing the boards you help keep me from living on the pc...<BR>Not to mention the fun we have sitting here together hacking back the butts and reading/posting together <BR>Not to mention that that fun has helped us communicate and understand each other better...<BR>Not to mention the fact that I almost tore my hair out trying to get the other pc set up for the net and now that it's up, barely a few days, you want to leave?!?! <BR>eek! <BR>Not to mention the sun and smiles you bring to lots of others here...<BR>Not to mention... hang on a sec...<BR>I seem to be doing a lot of 'mentioning' here... <BR>ok, I'll stop, but wait a few days before you make any rash decisions.... K?<BR>I love you, babe.<BR>Deut<p>[This message has been edited by Soulloss' exH (edited January 13, 2000).]

Dylan,<P>I understand if you have to leave but gosh I hope you don't. I too have found myself spending way too much time here and wondered?<P>I read your post and I guess I am neglectful in exactly what has been happening here. It is a little clearer to me now. <P>I sit here in tears as I read it. Still in tears now. I will miss you greatly and your advise and support if you leave.<P>This is a twisted world we live in. Occasionally things get twisted here too. <P>There is so much pain here and it is hard to take sometimes. <P>I do hope that you change your mind. Most of us here have only the best of intentions.<P>This has been an awful day from the moment I woke up. Came home from work and this is the first post I read. <P>Please God deliver us all from this horrendous nightmare of infidelity.<P>If you do go know that you are much loved and will be much missed. Prayers will continue to come your way. Have a wonderful life! Maybe visit sometime?<P>God be with you and yours!<P>Gosh I can't see hardly through the tears...this stinks. <P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<P>

It's not time for you to go yet.<P>Think about this some more, ok?<P>Lori

Nope!!!!<BR>Sorry Dylan, but I guess it's time for me to put my foot down and say..."You're not going anywhere, young lady!!!" We all need your input and understanding. I need your razor sharp tongue, to keep me in line. C'mon, you know better than I, how many of us need you here. So quit teasing us and say, "O.K. I'll stay"....pretty please?!?!?!?<P>------------------<BR>" I broke my promise to be faithful...so I make a new promise to be truthful and loving." Take care in the things you do and say. Be sure that they are loving and caring...not hurtful and neglecting. Arik

Dylan,<P>Who will I be able to swap chicken nuggets recipes with...<P>And besides you still owe me some horoscopes...lol<P>I need to read yours and Deuts love letters to each other...<P>Are ther any other Dead heads on the board?<P>Don't Go...<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hey D,<P>I got this really cool cable operator, ant how there are like 30 some channels of music.<P>Well I'm sitting here reading and what comes on ....<P>Shakedown Street...<P>Go pop it in and jam for a minute. It kinda fits don't it.<P>B<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Jeeze, Now there playing Deep Purple...Hush<P>B<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Dylan,<P>Say it isn't so!!!!!!!! Sorry it took me so long to say it. I saw this post yesterday and really didn't know what to say. All I can say is I hope you change your mind. Who else is going to keep Arik in line, especially with new beginning leaving too?LOL<BR> <P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR>