First of all I need to thank everyone who has given me such kind words and who have helped me realize that in most ways we are all alike. These last months have been so trying on me. I have always begged that the girls could have a loving and healthy relationship with their father. I hoped for so long that he would "wake" up and see the tornado effect he has left behind him. <BR>Well unfortunatley last night became the final straw. I have two of the sweetest girls that I have ever came across in my life. Well last night was a night from hell. Their dad came at 5 to pick them up. From the minute they got into his car until he dropped them off, he was the dad from hell. He called them Fuc---- *****es. Told our 9 year old she was a F------- lying C-nt just like her mother and slapped her so hard that her eye had a red mark on it. I can no longer accept anything that he does anymore. I have dismissed many words and actions as "there must be something wrong with him" but no more. This goes far beyond an addiction to another woman. This goes far beyond a man who is going through a mid life crisis....and sadly....this goes far beyond me not love busting and trying to want him to come home. The girls were so upset that they didn't go to school today because they couldn't stop crying. My heart is breaking and there is nothing I can do. I brought them to see their counselor today and she called the court appointed counselor about the latest occurance. I guess the woman feels the girls are lying. She thinks my stbx is a wonderful man and that there is no way he could do these things. The girls and I have no where to turn anymore. He is a charmer.....a man who has a wonderful job, no record (DUI 12 years ago), and any report of abuse after he left has always left me or the girls sounding like liars. <BR>So I need to say good-bye to all of you wonderful people. I can longer post here because I am no longer able to continue to want my marriage work. My H needs some help and it looks like there is no help in sight. I would love to see him get better and help him, but I believe he likes the way he is now.....so I must let go.<BR>Again, thank you to all. Without you I would have been lost and for that I will always be greatful<BR>Nancy

Nancy,<P>So sorry you have to go and things aren't better for you right now. I'll keep praying for you and so will everyone else I am sure. Know that we are here if you need us. Until the next time enjoy all the good things that are in your life right now, children, family & friends. <P>You will be missed.<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<P>

You're doing the right thing in getting away from your husband. Could you report him to the police for hitting your daughter? Domestic abuse is against the law, period. The verbal abuse of them is too much, physical abuse should be prosecuted. No child, much less their mother, deserves to be called the horrible names your husband called them. You're right, this man is way beyond sick. Protect your children first, Nancy. Get a different counselor, talk to your county prosecutor. Your girls need you so much. <P>Please know you and your daughters will be in my prayers. God bless you and keep you protected.

I always hate to tell people to give up on their spouse, but in this case I believe you are doing the right thing. You have to protect your daughters. Take AW's advice. Check into prosecuting him. Take care of yourself and those girls. Let us know from time to time how you are doing.<BR>We'll miss you.<BR>Mitzi

Nancy,<P>Your threads has touched a major chord with me.<P>I don't understand how a man could treat innocent daughters in such a manner.IMHO you should do everything humanly possible to protect your Ds from that kind of abuse.<P>I am so angry I am shaking. Tell your guttless husband I'm home if he would like someone to speak such vile profanities to and I welcome his attempt to to strike me. In fact I have some anger of my own to take out, a guttless piece of junk like that will suffice.<P>Assure your duaghters they did <B>nothing</B> to deserve that treatment.<P>Tell your piece of **** H to go **** himself.<P>Please pardon my loss of religion. I hate any form of abuse and abusers should rot in jail.<P>Love your children they will need your strength.<P>Come back and visit from time to time.<P>Bill<BR><P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

I am so sorry to hear of your pain. You and your girls deserve much better.<BR>My girls are 6 and 11. If you think it would help them to develop new friendships, they are welcome to e-mail my daughters. They love to use the computer! Everyone loves to get mail! <BR>Carrie is 6<BR>Shelley is 11<BR>and our e-mail is crazyvan@hrfn.net<BR>Take care and God bless.<BR>Lynn

I am so sorry that your h continues to lay into those that love him. It is totally unacceptable and you need to do whatever you can to protect your daughters. A charge against him can be laid for hitting his child and verbally abusing her. <BR>What I have learned is this. You must decide what is in your children's best interests...seeing their father without inteference or trying to have a restraining order against him so that he cannot dee the children, or have a court appointed person to be with him and your daughters when he has access.<P>Speak to their counsellor...she should be able to protect the children, at least until he understands that that is totally unacceptable behaviour.<P>This is so hard...to protect our children from their other parent's often "insane" behaviour!!!!<P>Plan a special time with the girls on the weekend, for all of you to build some good times together.

Nancy,<P>I am so sorry to hear of these latest and most hurtful of events. Your H has gone beyond the limits here. How awful for your little girls to have to have endured THAT!<P>I take my hat off to you, Nancy. You have endured a whole lot of crap here and carried yourself very well. Despite the terroible legal ordeals and court battle, you seem to hold your dignity and focus on the most important thing here - keeping your family - you and the girls - intact. Your motives and actions are driven to provide the best for them - the love and nuturing I know you can and do provide.<P>Your girls will survive this awful mess because despite all that you have suffered and continue to suffer, you keep doing the best for them. I think you handled the situation just right by reporting this to the counselor.<P>I will contiue to pray for you and your girls and hope that this nightmare ends for you all soon.<P>God bless you and your girls, Nancy. Know that through all of this, you have done the right things and that alone makes you victorious!<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Thank you all for expressing your kind words. The effects of all of this will forever be imbedded in my mind and the minds of our little girls. God, and I, know how hard I tried to make a wonderful life for my H and our daughters. I neglected myself all these years to keep a smile on their faces and laughter in their voices. I worked day and literally into the night to make "our" home what it was. Very often, sometimes until the break of dawn I would be painting walls, stenciling, doing laundry, and scrubbing floors so that "they" would wake up or come home to a place they could be proud to call their home. My neighbors would often remark to me what a good job I did on the lawn, how nice the flowers looked, or even to comment on how they wished their wife did everything so they could just come home from work and relax. My only reply to them now would be....look where it got me. It is 5 am right now and I am so afraid. The children are with him for the week-end after the terrible time they had, described above by me. They called him today to ask if they had to go with him. He was nasty to them and said something about needing to talk to me. So I phoned him back. Despite all of this, I said hi, and in a very pleasant voice asked if he needed to talk to me. His reply....I have nothing nice to say to you.....I will take care of you in another way! Well needless to say, after all of the verbal abuse and the occasional physical abuse...I am scared. I no longer question where is that wonderful man I married....I now only ask myself who is this horrible stranger and what did I do to deserve this inhuman treatment. But as the tears flow right now, I only care about my girls. Their beautiful faces, no longer smiling and their voices no longer singing the laughter that I prided myself in. I wished it was as easy as many of you think to keep my H from doing these awful things to the girls. It is not. The laws in Indiana and also the county I live in seem to protect my H, and sadly enough, protect the abuser. Black eyes, red marks and bruises do not prove any abuse unless there is proof. Nothing is believed when it comes to verbal abuse. Our counselor believes every word the girls tell her, but unfortunatly the guardian et lidum doesn't. She feels that the girls are being coached and that she feels they are too angry at their father for no reason. The child custody evaluator also has seen my H in his anger, his screaming at the receptionist and has heard only negative about our marriage and me....but yet does not see anything so horrible that would cause the girls to dislike their dad. Myself, friends, relatives and nieghbors are appalled by my H behavior and have seen the aftermath of his actions. They have all been a great comfort to me and the girls. But all their comfort and reaching out does not change the outcome of what is about to happen if these college educated people (drs) do not see my H in the his true light. I risk losing custody of them through his lies and deception. As I stated in a previous post....I refuse to lie. I refuse to lower myself. I know that I could risk losing the 2 most precious things in my life, but I just can't lie. The only thing I can do is ask for a miracle of sorts and many prayers from all of you and hopefully someone will wake up and see who all of this is hurting the most. My beautiful girls.<BR>Nancy

Nancy,<P>One last thought to you. If you don't feel you want to continue here at MB, please find another support group somewhere. Maybe a divorce recovery group since you are heading there. Or perhaps through the counselor, you can find one for families in crisis. Even without your H, you and the girls are still a family.<P>You will need a lot of support to face the times ahead and I would like to think that you are getting it somewhere and somehow, even if not with us.<P>God bless you and the girls, Nancy....<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Desiree,<BR>Thank you for your concern. We do attend a support group for domestic violence. It does help, but still doesn't take away the pain. That I guess will come with time. The stress level sometimes just knocks you off your feet. I do wish all of you the best in making your marriages work. I wished that it could have happened that way for me. Again, I am crying, because I want so much to be like some of you....working on your marraige and seeing some results. Although the results are slow.....at least they are in the right direction.<BR>Nancy

This may sound (mental) like my name.....But I am still going to try to treat him with respect and be as civil as possible when I talk to him on the phone. I want the girls to see that I can rise above all of this by doing that and setting a good example....hopefully they will learn to forgive him and possibly rise far above any level of "adulthood" that he can possibly be in. We will come out the winners.<BR>Nancy

Nancy,<P>So sorry to learn what you are going through... you are doing the right thing by protecting your children, they are most important that any cheating spouse.<P>May God help you with the kids- there is a good site to heal from loses, you may want to check it out. The address is at <A HREF="http://www.survivingloss.com" TARGET=_blank>www.survivingloss.com</A> <P>God bless.<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR>Live and learn<BR>

Alex,<BR>Thank you. I will look it up. I marked it and when I have more time I will check it out. Yes, the girls are the most important thing in my life. The more he hurts them, the more I hurt. I try my hardest to take away any of their pain. I wish that they could just be kids again. I miss that the most.<BR>Nancy