Hi All,<P>You may be wondering, is he sane?<P>Yes I assure you I am. For the newcomers that read this, I'll tell you what I was told by the first person I confided in. He to was betrayed. His words to me were you won't believe me, but you are going to be amazed at the gifts you will recieve from this. Like alot of you I couldn't imagine one good thing coming out of the anguish I felt. I wrote in another thread of mine that I could do a whole thread on this subject. This is what I'm doing, and I'm sure as time goes by I'll add more.<P>The biggest blessing I have recieved as a result of my W adultry is I now have a concious contact with my Lord and savior Jesus Christ. I always believed and had faith I just didn't live in His will.<P>The Sunday after discovery I went to church (a very large southern baptist church) and God spoke directly to me through our pastor. His message was on infidelity w/the W being the adulterer. That day I committed my life to serving Him. I pray daily for my family and each and everyone of yours, I also pray that God take my will and my life, guide me, show me how to live.<P>So far he hasn't let me down! He has yet to give me more pain than I can handle at one time. My positive outlook rests solely in Him.<P>As many of you know I am a recovering drug addict. I try not to wear this on my sleeve, but my recovery has given me a great understanding of the nature of addiction. One of the first things I prayed for was understanding and wisdom. I truly believe God has blessed me with these gifts. I say this in all humility, I don't try to kid myself that I am an expert on these matters, because I am really flying by the seat of my pants. However I feel I understand what it is going to take to restore my family, I share my ideas daily with you all. Please step on my toes if I get too carreid away.<P>Another gift is the gift of feeling. All my life I have hidden from my feelings. Both good and bad. I made a decision to feel each and every one I had all the way through. I can't tell you how alive I now feel. Even in the middle of the searing pain of betrayal, I feel life coursing through my viens. My lack of feelings is one of the things I had to own in my part of my W betrayal. If I would have expressed my feelings and emotions I truly believe I wouldn't be here. Be that as it may I find myself here daily listening and learning how to feel. I have shed tears of joy w/you and shed tears for your own pain. Feeling, what a gift.<P>With that has come the ability to love. I realised how deeply I love my beautiful wife. She is my life and I pushed her away. My love for my daughter has become my obsession. I am blessed with the most beautiful child on the planet. I cry when I think how lucky I am to have her. This mess has brought me closer to my family than I ever thought possible. They have waited so long to have a relationship w/me.<P>My love for all of you is immeasurable. I would never have dreamed of friends like this. I feel closer to some of you than I do people I have known for years. I sincerly thank you for that friendship.<P>I am finding out exactly what I'm made of and I like what I am finding. Self worth is something I didn't think I had a whole lot of. What a gift that is.<P>Lastly has been the gift of walking through this clean. I have yet to have a desire to cover this all up with any mind or mood altering substance. When only three short years ago a trigger to use was waking up. <P>As you can see I have seen and learned alot about myself and I know I will survive no matter what. If you feel hopeless believe that I believe you can survive this also.<P>I love each and everyone of you so very much.<P>Bill<P><P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Good job, Bill. I remember when I finally got it. I got to say, I don't know that a lot would have happened to and for me (the positive stuff) if I hadn't been faced with this.<P>Hang in there!!<P>Lori

Oh Man!!! The flood gates opened when I read this. You are truly one in a million. <P>

bringing this to the top so that anyone who missed it... won't.<BR> <BR>deut<BR>

It does take a while to find something good in these situations. I have too found out how to lean on the Lord. Only He has heald me up and gotten me through this. One day I am sure that I will be called to tell this story to others so that they may learn from me. Just months before I was told by my h that he loved another woman, a woman at church was talking about her h infidelity and how before that happened she always said she could never forgive infidelity. Satan has a way of making sure we are given the opportunity to never forgive. How great it is to overcome that with Christ's help.<P>I have also refound me. Somewhere along the line I got lost in my husband and children. Now I realize that I have things to improve, but that I am a person worthy of being loved. My h would be a fool to leave me

Beautiful.<P>Since I have been doing real good lately I was able to receive you message and realize my own blessings.<P>On a bad day I probably would have only envied you and then refused to let myself apply any of it to myself.<P>I am becoming more and more amazed how the exact same situation can make you or break depending on your attitude.

I forgot to say that I now have a wonderful relationship w/MIL. I have come to appritiate he knowledge and wisdom, inspite of our vast differences. I used to resent her so badly now I feel nothing but love for her and Ws stepfather. It is amazing what can bring people together.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

AMEN! I know where your at and where your coming from! God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Derby:<BR><B>I have also refound me. Somewhere along the line I got lost in my husband and children. Now I realize that I have things to improve, but that I am a person worthy of being loved. My h would be a fool to leave me </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I also feel this way for the first time in a long time. I finally know my worth.<P>And Bill I wanted to let you know that your word touched me. I also have found a lot of lost faith in God since this began.<P><P>------------------<BR>Jaded Heart<BR>____________<P> <A HREF="http://journeys.webprovider.com" TARGET=_blank>http://reflect.to/journeys</A> <P> <P>

Bill,<P>Thank you for your words, they give me such hope in all this madness I pray that God <BR>will deliver all of us from our grieving<BR>hearts during these times of uncertainty.<P>May God continue to bless us all.<P>Nita

Bill,<P>What a touching post - most lovely! All I can say is this: I am so PROUD of you and I've never met you. All that you have and still suffer, yet you have gained the ability to see the silver lining that IS behind every cloud. <P>Bill...An optimist incognito...<P>Robin is gonna die when she finally sees the new and improved version!! <P>Desiree<P><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Bill: I've been reading this topic without clicking on because I couldn't imagine what gifts you could have received from anything so devastating. I didn't want to read this post for the last couple days, but, because of special new insights and a few very intense days, and because it is your topic, I was drawn to this post.<P>The gift I have received is my husband's complete and total devotion to God, to me and to the AA program. The real gift is knowing it is real, and not a lie. <P>Another gift is that much trust is being restored-guarded though it may be.<P>I was so smug for so many years thinking we were immune to infidelity. I never even considered that this could possibly happen to us. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that my husband would ever have a child with anyone else, especially since I am unable to. The fact that I can go on with my marriage in spite of these heartwrenching and devastating complications, is a gift. The strength that God has given me is a gift-an awesome gift I had no idea I had to such capacity.<P>I have a long way to go before I am able to look at much else as a gift because we are in the midst of court-support battles and now the OW is suing me for writing her a letter and calling it harassment, but, oh well.<P>Thank you so much for this thread on gratitude. It is cleansing and healing to take a moment and get out of the muck and mire of despair and acknowledge the gifts we have received from the most painful thing that can happen to us.

Bill: <BR> I don't really know how to begin except that I know exactly how you feel. To think something so horrible could be looked upon as something that has actually blessed you as a "rebirth" of yourself and your spouse can only be described as a gift from God.<P> Both my wife and myself are so thankful we have found something in ourselves that we didn't even know existed. We have a love for each other that is so special that sometimes it is overwhelming. We cry a lot together. Sometimes we cry because we are sad for what has happened to us but, sometimes we cry for a love that God has allowed us to finally share with each other.<P> For the first time in 30 years together we pray together each morning when we awake and again each night before we go to sleep. We thank God for each other and our children and we simply ask him to forgive us for our sins. It is very difficult for me and I suppose anyone for that matter to "forget" your spouse's infidelity. I know I cannot do it alone and my greatest request of God is that He take this burden from me and allow us to live as He wills it.<P> We have such good times together now. It is only the occassional triggers that set us back. But rather than dwell on them I ask God to help get me through them. He is the one that makes things happen for reasons that only He knows. I believe that he gave me the strength and ability to forgive my wife so that we can live the remainder of our lives the way He intended for us to always live them.<P> Bill, and the rest of you, please keep us in your prayers. God works through each and every one of us through this board so that we may help each other through possibly the greatest loss we will ever experience.<P>Thanks.............CRC<BR>________________________________________<P>It's the little things we do for each other that mean so much!

Hi Bill,<P>Isn't it amazing how we can grow through adversity!! No matter how all of our lives turn out we have a new appreciation, outlook, and strength within ourselves that will benefit us and those around us for the rest of our lives.<P>God certainly does work in very mysterious ways!!<P>~Jenn

Absolutely Beautiful! Hopefully after we go through this 'wilderness' that we're in, we will get to 'caanan', the Promise Land.....<P>You're in my prayers!<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Hi Bill,<P> Wow, that was a very moving post. I've been to Alanon for my brother years ago and to AA and found myself so jealous of what everyone there had. There was so much pain but at the same time self understanding and so much caring and love. It was a spirit I've never forgotten.<BR> I also have grown through this experience ...I now look at people differently and wonder what they are going through. I am much more sensitive to others and at the same time I have pride that I am staying strong and weathering all of this. <BR> Thanks for your post...your W has a wonderful H.....LU