My husband is shutting down on me. He has said he doesn't want to work on marriage because it is too painful. Definate EA, denies physical affair. I've been in Plan A and have been doing a good job. He acts like he doesn't want to spend anytime with me. I'm thinking my being so nice is irritating him. What should I do?

Molly,<BR>Does all of that sound familiar?? My H moved out and acts like I don't exist most of the time. If I'm nice to him, he thinks I'm up to something. <BR>I can't offer much advice. Just support since I know basically what you're going thru. Keep up with the plan A but try not to pressure him too much. I've found that I need to back off a little with my H. He's just too angry at himself right now and takes it out on me. <BR>Take care of you too.

Molly,<P>You need a lot of persistance...<P>My W sounds like you H...<BR>If I do <B>anything</B> nice... I get back the worst stares... evil looks and just awful body language.<P>Keep going with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> as long as you can. You will reach a point where <B>you</B> know your love for him in your <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A> is emptying... Then... you might have to move onto <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>. But a "pure" <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> is what you need to do... <B>especially</B> right before you transition into <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>!<P>The moderator for the forum moved a few of my posts of Plan A & B to the "Infidelity archive"...<BR>check them out...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Archives/Archive-000001/HTML/20000110-1-011323.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101</A>...and...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Archives/Archive-000001/HTML/20000110-1-011046.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B - 101</A>.<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> <B>is hard!</B> When you transition to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> is becomes even harder... There is at that time the realization that <B><I>maybe</I></B> there is the cahnce the the relationship is over... and that's why <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> starts off much harder.<P>Yes... it is hard to take the abuse (I have to call it that) while you're in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... <P>Stick with it... as long as you can...<BR>Make sure you understand that a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Buster</A> is only a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Buster</A> if your H thinks it's a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Buster</A>... It doesn't matter if <B>you</B> think it's a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Buster</A>.<P>Prayers for your strength... <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited January 14, 2000).]