There's been a lot of discussion about ICQ lately. Want to snoop? Sure there are programs out there to help you do it, but here's a simple, free method.<P>I don't know if this will work for everybody. Maybe my W just didn't configure her ICQ the right way to make it more secure. I'm not an ICQ user myself. But I was able to read the last several months of her chats.<P><B>WARNING! - BE PREPARED TO THROW UP!!!</B><P>Seriously, I could barely breath or walk I was shaking so much after I read the file - so painful and shocking were the contents. So be prepared. This is not something to be taken lightly.<P>How to do it<BR>============<BR>1. Right click on the Start menu and choose Explorer<BR>2. Poke around until you find the ICQ folder. My wife's was under the Program Files folder.<BR>3. Find a folder named db_new or db something (different versions name it differently). This folder will have files with names based on the ICQ user's identity - long numbers. Double click on the files. <BR>4. Use either Notepad (if they are small) or WordPad if they are large. There are some goofy characters in there, but you can read pretty much everything.<P>Good luck. And remember - only use this power for good - not for evil!

Back to the top for the weekenders!

2S4W - Exactly what IS ICQ? Does it have to do with being set up for instant messaging? I suspect my W and her OM use instant messaging for a lot of their communication, but haven't been able to figure out how to tap this except by installing a keystroke logger on her machine, which I'm a little reluctant to do. My W uses AOL for her instant messaging. So does this mean her computer may have a folder like the one you describe?<P>Also, when you're doing instant messaging, AOL has an option that lets you save the messages, but as far as I can tell, you have to select it again every time you go online. Does anyone know if there's a way to set it to save messages all the time, without the user knowing? That would be "great."<P>Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

Hi Wexwill,<P>My W uses AOL for email, but used ICQ to communicate with OM. It is just like instant messaging but maybe a little more sophisticated. <P>I'm sure you would have to log in as your W to set that logging option. She might not notice it if she never looks at the preferences.<P>If you are willing to do this much, why the hesitation about the keystroke logger?<P>My personal feeling is that while lying and evasion are going on, snooping is fair. No doubt this is anti-MB as snooping is considered to be a major LB. But I feel strongly that the healing can't begin until the truth is known.

2S4W - Thanks for the helpful response. I'm pretty sure my W just uses AOL instant messaging and not ICQ, but next time I get a chance, I'm going to look for the folder anyway, just in case. I think I am going to try and figure out some way of generating a log file every time she does IM. The fact is, I know her AOL udername and password, so can (and do) hack her account whenever I need to, usually from my machine at work, where I was able to install AOL using HER account. But the one time I tried to set IM to always log messages, I couldn't figure out how to do it. I'll give it another shot. There must be some way, so you don't have to check this option every time you log on. That way I'd also get both sides of the conversation, just like a chat log.<P>As to the keystroke logger, there are several reasons why I'm reluctant. One of the best ones costs $79. You're also installing something on somebody else's machine, which is always a little dicey if you don't want them know. And it only catches one side of the conversation. However, I probably will end up doing this at some point.<P>As to snooping being a lovebuster, yup. That's what Dr. H. says and I agree. But his methods only work if an affair is out in the open. That is, if the betrayer has at least confessed to the affair even if he or she hasn't given it up. My W just keeps denying it every time that I confront her, so we don't get anywhere. What I've realized is that you can't even DO Plan A unless the affair is out in the open, so, in a sense, lovebusters don't count for so much if you're pre-Plan A, especially not snooping if that's the only way to get at the truth.<P>Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

Wex,<P>Check out this link:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.spectorsoft.com/spector/about.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.spectorsoft.com/spector/about.htm</A> <P>This is a keystroke logger/screen capture utility that captures <B>everything</B>. And it installs in such a way that it is totally invisible. <P>Also, you don't need AOL software to log in and check mail. Go to <A HREF="http://www.aol.com" TARGET=_blank>www.aol.com</A> and login from anywhere.<P>Finally, I totally agree that until the truth is known there can be no progress. Denial is a forcefield against recovery.<P>Take care.

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 12:36 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Words of caution --<P>I snooped. I read my W's e-mails. Total shock, disgust, and yes, almost physically ill. I'd never been so total caught off guard, yet I snooped cause I suspected something. I didn't have to go so far as what you did. I merely reset the AOL preferences and found what I was (unfortunatly) looking for.<P>Here's my thought, though. Relationships are built on trust. If you're looking to rediscover and rebuild your relationship, you MUST trust the other spouse. If you cannot get beyond it, you'll never be able to rebuild. I know that is our biggest hurdle in our marriage problems right now.<P>It's not easy. I don't trust her fully anymore. I KNOW she's coresponding over e-mails and IM. I think her friends (and the OM) helped her reset the preferences since I know she has been quite deliberate in deleting things.<P>Am I curious about what is being said about me, talked about our relationship, discussed about the OM -- YES. But, I'm also a firm believer in "what goes around, comes around".<P>Have faith, gang. It's a major shock to the system. a major B, and even worse -- you feel like total slime yourself.<P>Please think carefully before snooping...<P>--keystone

Sorry...LOL<P>The more ticked I get, the worse the spelling gets. It's part of that "stream of consciousness" thing -- and the fingers cannot keep up!<P>--keystone

Does this apply to an EA also? Please explain this for me. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>But his methods only work if an affair is out in the open. That is, if the betrayer has at least confessed to the affair even if he or she hasn't given it up.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BR>Am I wasting my time trying to Plan A? I've been trying so hard that it's driving me crazy. He still sees nothing wrong with his relationship with OW. Will Plan A not work until he admits he's involved in EA?<BR> <BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><P>What I've realized is that you can't even DO Plan A unless the affair is out in the open,<P><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Is this why I'm not making any progress either with him or with myself? (see my post under Ratta Tat Tat)<P>Keo<P>