<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B><BR>Thanks for the kind words. I have sort of lurked in/out but have kept up with your posts.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Thank you. I am hanging in there but now I am having feelings that I knew existed but thought He would never let me experience because. Now I realize that I must experience them so that I can bee a better testimony to His goodness and love.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B><BR>I remember you to be a very, precious brother in Christ who like me....is hurting.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>The hurt I have understood from the beginning but the rage and the disgust I did not want to happen. I really didn't want the rage to happen. , but He knows what is best. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>I have sort of kept up with your situation and from what I last read...you, the wife and boys went to see <I>Green Mile</I>.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I really enjoyed the Green Mile. It was nothing like what I had pictured in my mind from the previews. I really could relate to John Kauffee. I feel like that most of the time. I cry often because of what was implied in the movie which goes far beyond the pain that I am enduring in our marriage. I grieve for her, the boys, everyone here, the world because they just don't understand that the pain they perceive to be happening to them (that they say is someone else's fault rther than the consequence of their decisions) is of their own doing. WE MUST TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR ACTIONS. We must stop blaming everyone else. I don't fault her because she does not understand. It is a consequence of being in the dark unknowingly.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Also from what I gather, she is still at home?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Yes, she still is. I feel that we are taking microscopic steps towards recovery when I see how she is responding to what I do. Yet, GOd is pleased because He keeps encouraging me when I have the urge to be selfish. He lets me know that He wants me to stay an be here for her in the way He wants me to be here for her. It is what she NEEDS rather than what she WANTS. We must want the NEEDS that He says we need. He will give us some of our WANTS but they are still those things that He knows we NEED.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Please don't take this wrong, but I was encouraged to see your recent post about really being ANGRY.....yet how you gathered yourself together to act in a Christian manner.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I understand what you are saying. It just takes a really long time for me to truly get angry. It almost always results from pure frustration for me. I recovered only because I do listen to Him. He gets all the glory, honor, and praise for that success!!!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Guess I really don't know the full story in your case, but I am interested.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>In a nutshell, before I suspected anything was going on between them I lent OM $750 for two days until he was paid. He never showed up with my moned still hasn't repaid what he owes us (me directly.) She via things she has said is leading me to thing that she has been sleeping with him most of last year. Though she won't admit it, she is attracted to men who appear to be ambitious as I am but are not as intelligent as she perceives herself to be. IT has to do with control. She wants someone like me that she can control. She is truly frustrate that I disagree with her on anything. I have begun to keep my mouth shut when I know that she is wrong. I do try to direct her to the truth when I know what she is thinking it is detrimental to our family as a whole. She recently go burned financially when she allowed him to use her cell phone. It was about $600. I just paid about $430 of it. She told me she wants to repay it. I want her to work with me as a team player. I want us to agree to the budget and adhere to it. That would entail that we each get a certain amount of discretionary money to spend on what we feel approriate. This amount would be about $50 more for her but essentially the same. I don't have an overwhelming need to spend discretionary money except on her moreso than the boys or me. The boys understand.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Everytime I see you post or reply to a post, I always read it.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Thank you. I try to chime in when He gives me something to say that is appropriate. Lately, I haven't chimed in as much as I would like because I have been dealing with the rage and wanting to leave. It really is complicated because she needs me and the boys need both of us to be together as defined by Him.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>God's blessings upon you my brother and always remember one day...."there will be no more tears or sorrow"<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Thank you again. I am so looking forward to that day when all who love Him will be able to rejoice. I am rejoicing now but it gets dampened by the pain that I feel more intensely from time to time. I know that all things work toward good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. He has called and I plan on listening and obeying until that blessed day comes.<P>May God richly bless you my brother in Christ.<BR><P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><P>
