I get up every morning, I get dressed, greet the world, give my son some breakfast, dress him, grab a coffee, and 'plug in'...<P>everyone here is practically my first thought each and every one of those mornings....<P>Sheryl, don't feel bad, I too have foregone showering....promising myself the bath later....Sheryl, how often do we actually get to the bath?<P>The same load of laundry was in the washing machine for 4 days.....oh, it got washed and then re-washed each day, but forgotten to get dried....<P>My kids are to young for me to limit their time on the computer, but I am guilty of the 'patting on the head' and sending them off to another room......or losing my temper because they are misbehaving and all they really want is some attention from me.....<P>I think I have bedsores forming from sitting in this chair....<P>I think I am ignoring my marriage because it is easier to be here....<P>Lori, you said that it is not time for me to leave here.....in many ways, not only do I think you are right, I KNOW you are right....<P>but this place IS addictive, and I spend too much of my time worrying...about you all....obsessing over everyone's pain, seeing posts forming themselves as I head off to sleep.....during the ride to work, discussing everyone and everything with Deut...I FEEL too much here.....and I am not living my life...I am hiding from it...hiding from the pain I KNOW I haven't dealt with yet....everything has seemed to be 'TOO EASY' for Deut and I...everyone comments about our love, how great we are, but then why did he do the one thing that would hurt me to my very soul????yet here we are....sailing through it all...happy, happy...laughing, loving, forgiving, sharing, hoping, <P>and in the night, in front of this computer, at this board, crying.....I came here from a place of despair and devastation within me...I think I have pushed it aside in order to stand taller through helping those here in that same place of despair and devastation.....like Sheryl who thinks she traded one affair for another.....I have just traded the pain..I can ignore mine if I am too busy here....<P>I have felt such happiness here too though...my 'wacky' night the other night....whew...somebody gave me some happy pills!!!!...<P><BR>I guess the epiphany for me is this:<P>to regrets I was saying...how dare you do this to heartache....<P>to Arik (hey buddy!...Deut has your e-mail....you get out of line, you a$$whole, and I'll send you such an e-mail!!!! ooooooohhhhhhh:eek <BR>to Arik I was saying...how dare you do this to Nicole....<P>but in reality, it was to Deut...and I was saying...how dare you do this to me....<P>to everyone else...I was saying what I felt in my heart, but being here and getting so involved in everybody else's lives, to the detriment of my own is no longer fair to me...if it's only a break, so be it...I know the help that is available here...<P>I want to thank Bill for starting his last thread....infidelity has given me such very diverse and wonderful gifts too....this place, all you people....the love here, the care, the sharing,...the new, more powerful me, the lack of eggshells, Bills great layer salad recipe!!<P>bill, do me a favour, listen to Brokedown Palace tonight...."Mama, mama many worlds I've come since I first left home.."<P>As for me, I'm just standing up here in this room and saying, <P>hello....my name is Dylan, and I am addicted to Marriagebuilders..... and I have to go live my life now....<P>I am going to get some counselling and try to start a new relationship with the best human being I know....my ex-husband.....<P>may whatever god or goddess you worship with, keep you, hold you and give you strength...<P>when in doubt, check with Jim...<P><BR>Dylan<P>------------------<BR>so maybe you wanted a martyr....just a regular gal would'nt do..but baby, I can't hang upon no lover's cross for you...Jim Croce

Dylan,<P>Just a note so you know I read this, and will continue emailing any old time...<P>love, Sheryl<p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited January 15, 2000).]

my name is julie, im a recovering mb addict<BR>yeah, i get mad at my kids for getting in my way at times, and i have to seriously kick myself in the butt to get that laundry in the dryer.<BR>H rolls his eyes and says, "oh, you're THERE again...."<BR>at least im weaning...<BR>they have any nicorette for the net? like, netorette?<BR>sad.

Dylan,<P>Are you a phsycic? <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>bill, do me a favour, listen to Brokedown Palace tonight...."Mama, mama many worlds I've come since I first left home.."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Today I wore my (don't laugh) Winnie the Pooh, Brokedown t-shirt. And on the back it says ...."Mama, mama many worlds I've come since I first left home..." Too wierd.<P>I just grabbed a shirt out of the drawer and put it on, I looked in the mirror and said gee I haven't wore this in a while...Go figure...<P>On another note... what did your little one have for breakfast? Lemme guess...outmeal...or was it waffles...lol<P>I hope this thread wasn't another attempt at goodbye...<P>Did you like the 7 layer salad?<P>I have ya'lls email, so I can still try to make ya'll laugh...I got a ton of email jokes to send...lol<P>See ya,<P>Bill<P>I just put brokedown on...such a great song and every time they played it we all went...aw not again...lol<P>B<P><P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Dylan,<P>I do understand. Thank-you for being such wonderful, loving, inspiring, and accepting presense on this forum. <P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR>

Hi, Dylan. I do understand. I was the same way a while back. I got scared and my friends got scared. This was my lifeline.<P>For a little while, I set myself limits.On a daily basis. I "allowed" access only at a certain time, only for a certain length of time. <P>Occasionally I went over. But then I found that sometimes, I didn't stay as long as I was allowed. And I drifted away some. Found that at the end of the day I went "Oh, wonder how my friends are doing?" I'll check in the morning. And I did.<P>Now, I'm ok with how much I visit this board. Some days, I check in a few times a day (as a break b/n "projects") Sometimes, I find I don't have time. As I've grown stronger and needed it less, I check to see how everyone else is doing mostly. I don't answer as many posts. It would take HOURS and I don't have that time to sit here. So I check dear friends, look for newbies and read almost everything, even when I don't write.<P>If you need a break, take it. I've taken a few days off b/f - even a week. But, if you find you need us, remember we love you and we are here.<P>Just a note: The "face" I put on here in the past to give others strength. Yes, I was doing the same thing. For me, it became real. In sharing forgiveness and patience and love when I didn't quite feel them that strongly, I LEARNED these things and they became part of me. I think that helped heal me as much as anything did.<P>Take care.<P>Lori<p>[This message has been edited by lostva (edited January 15, 2000).]

Dylan,<BR>I have to say Lor is soooo right. I've been there. It's helps to have a really busy lifestyle and to know that you have a link to these feelings later. I hate to neglect my friends! and I really do like the input output relationship that goes on here, especially when my counsellor hasn't seen me in awhile and I can go into her office acting half way sane! <BR>It's so hard not to get caught up in this page and depend upon these people. I've learned that it takes giving and taking in my marriage as well as here and other things in my life. I have to find a balance I can live with. I have established certain times and only allow myself so long on the computer lately, it helps. God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!

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