I have started the refinancing on my home so I can afford to pay off my stbx. When I got there today, there were papers that needed her signature too. Since she is leavinf tommorrow for Fl for ? days to meet om's mother I had to get her to sign today.<P>SO i called her at her apt and she was there but had to go to work. I siad I would bring them to work for her to sign but she said they were too busy so call first.<P>So I called at 5 and asked if I could come up and she said no and that she wasn't going to sign the papers till she had a lawyer look at them. I blew up and screamed at her over the phone, telling her she was costing me more money because I would lose my interest rate. I told her she would never see her money then and hung up.<P>She called back and siad come up and explain the papers to her as she didn't trust me. SHE DOESN"T TRUST ME ???????????????? What the Y(**&^%^%T(*U)(*)(*&*^*^(*_( is she talking about!!!!<P>So I took the papers up and waws going to throw them at her at her desk, have her sign them then leave. But she led me to to a waiting room and proceeded to give me a bunch of crap about me being unfair expecting her to sign them with out notice.<P>We ended up arguing for 45 mins and she finally signed them. Then as she was leaving she said that when I get a girlfriend, she's going to call her up and tell her how bad I am in bed because of what I told om's wife about her. This info om's w already knew as om told her back in the summer.<P>She ran into her dept and I started to follow but there were a bunch of other nurses there and patients there so I just said that she was pathetic and left.<P>I don't think I have ever been this angry in my life. Once again she got in my face actually twice. I told her she wouldn't have me arrested because she would have to take the kids and that would ruin her little fantasy. She said she did want the kids and would take one of them but doesn't want to split them up.<P>I think I go see my lawyer and see what my chances are of gaining full custody but I guess she would still get visitation rights.<BR>Maybe I won't refinance the house because of the way the settlement is worded thats how she was to get her money. If I don't refinance she can't get her money and while her name is still on the house she wouldn't be able to buy another!<P>If she wants to play stupid games, I can be stupid with the best of them!! <P><P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger<P>

Bob,<P>This is a post from your Mother:<P>Bob, you know that I taught you that two wrongs don't make a right. Don't let your anger over how she acts drive your decisions. Payback in the long wrong might end up hurting you. Remember your good friend WhoDat's moniker: Bitterness is you taking the poison and waiting for the other person to die???? Don't let this situation eat you alive, Bob.<P>Now, if you want to refinance, do so for yourself. If you want to buy her out of the house, do so to have the house in your name only so that you can start your new life fresh and without that particular entanglement to her. Please don't refinance or not refinance to get back at her. You might regret either decision later. Make the decision based on what is best for Bob and his new life. Same principle for custody of the kids.<P>Your wife is pushing ALL your buttons, Bob. And, you are playing the game with her. Step back and see that you guys are still trying to "get" each other. The anger is still there for you both. You have been doing pretty good on managing your anger, too, so try to get it back in check, again. <P>Push forward for yourself. Inthe long run, your W probably won't fare as well as you out of all this. She is showing a tendency to make poor choices and decisions here. One day, all these bad choices are going to catch up with her and she will have to pay the piper, so to speak. Resolve to get beyond her pettiness and work for something better and more worthwhile than revenge can bring you.<P>Signed, Mom<P>PS I hope you take this post in the spirit in which it is meant!<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

ok...<BR>sit down.<BR>Take a deep breath. deeper. Breathe in through your nose and then let it out in a slow relaxing stream. And let your shoulders drop as you exhale. ahhhhhhhh.<BR>Make no decisions right now. Wait until you have calmed, and I mean really calmed. <BR>((((((RWD)))))))))<BR>ahem.<BR>Deut

Good morning all! <P>Peace and calmness have returned!!!!<P>RMA<BR>Thank you for the kind and heartfelt words. They are better than what my mother has told me as she is bitter too.<P>As for the refinancing I am doing it in order to get her name off the mortgage, plus give her the money she is due(?).<P>As for me pushing on with my life, I am. As a matter of fact I had a lunch date(?) with a woman I've talked to a few times over the phone and via email. I did it on the spur of the moment. I was nervous as all get out.<P>Also I went out witha friend of mine and his brothers and met some women. We just sat around and talked and flirted. It was fun, something I haven't done since my single days!<P>As for my stbx, I don't even think about heranymore. Only when we interact and she starts her justifing that sets me off.<P>As time proceeds, I will have less and less dealings with her. Also the fact that I think she will leave the area as they have no friends and her fights with me have gotten her in trouble at work.<P>I don't plan on going to her work anymore. Any more dealings with her with be thru third partys.<P>Deut,<P>I have calmed down and am doing nothing crazy except going to my kids sporting events, cleaning house and taking down the Christmas decorations !<P>Thanks!<P>Bob<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger<P>

Bob,<P>A little more peace and serenity... <BR>is coming your way.<P>As there will be less and less contact with your W... it will get easier...<P>I know it... I have so little contact with mine...<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>'s final stages may reach you quicker than for most... and...<BR><B>that's OK</B>!<P>Each in his own time... <P>Love and respect... all you come in contact with... it's the best way to go... <P>Jim

Bob,<P>Good - today you sound much more grounded!!! I am glad you are able to get on with your life and you even had a little "outing"???<P>If your W moves away, will you retain the kids? She is making a whole bunch of mistakes here that will end up biting her in the butt one day.<P>Take care,<P>Roll me Away<P><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Jim,<BR>Serinty Now!!!(line from Seinfeld)<P>RMA,<BR>The divorce settlement prohibits either one of us from taking the kids out of state permanently without the other's permission. I am the residential parent so there is no way she will take them. She still thinks because she is the mother that she could get custody. She doesn't know that the local area is pro-father, at least thats what my lawyer told me.<P>Besides, she doesn't want the responsibility of the two kids. She mentioned last night that she would like to take one of them but doesn't want to split them up. I just laughed at her. She doesn't have near the patience with them or anything that I do.

My understanding on custody (what little I know) is that the courts tend to favor the parent who provides the most care.<P>I also think a full custody fight is extremely expensive.<P>It would appear that you have a slight advantage since she was the one that moved out.<P>My atty told me not to move until the divorce was final.<P>P

Bob...<P>Did you check out the <A HREF="http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/" TARGET=_blank>Fathers Rights To Custody(FRTC)</A> site yet!<P>Let me be honest with you...<BR>every piece of documentation I have ever read say... it's still the "mothers" who will have the edge in a custody battle...<P>Even I'm expecting a battle on the 25th of January... (even if she uses it as a leveraging tool)... <P>Your attorney may say the courts are "father friendly"... I hope it's true... but <B>full custody</B> is a big-time uphill battle. IN my state the courts will make both parties bend over backward for "joint custody"...<P>Best of luck... <BR>Walking in your footsteps...<P>Jim

<B>Bob,</B><P>Sounds like thinks might very well go in your favor for the kids. I can't imagine any judge splitting up the kids, so you are probably pretty safe there. I do agree with you that she probably won't fight much for custody. She is too busy having her "fun" to dedicate herself to the kids. <P>I really do think one day she will wake up and realize she was the "loser" here. Too bad for her...<P><B>Jim,</B><P>Is your divorce hearing on the 25th of this month?????<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>