Ok, I've been reading and writing and I've made up my mind, me and the old fart are going to fall in love again. <P>Now that I've decided to do that, I'm not real sure how to go about getting it done. It's been so long since either of us have done anything that could be called Plan A, that I don't really remember how to treat him good. <P>I think I'll fix him his favorite dinner and serve it by candle light. BUT... what the heck do I say and do during this dinner. I am picturing us setting there starring at the walls, floor, anything except each other. <P>I really need some help with this...

Keosha<P>First off I'd refrain form calling him an *old fart*. <P>Try talking about things you know he'd enjoy talking about. Bring up postive things from the past. Even if it takes going back to your wedding night! Rent a movie that you know he likes. Show interest in him and the things he likes. Tell him how good it makes you feel to just share a meal with him. It wouldn't hurt to give his thigh a little squeeze when you put his napkin in his lap for him, either. <P>Give it all you got girl! <P>FC<P>

ok...<BR>not knowing you or your husband (old fart... lol) this is kind of a hard question to answer, but I think I have it...<P>As for not remembering how to treat him well, that's ok because chances are his idea of 'fun' has changed over the years.<P>Here's what you do... have a seat, clear your mind and think... IF you asked HIM the above question, what would HIS answer be? <P>Also, don't worry about conversation. Just relax and enjoy each other's company. <P>Deut

The first rule of plan-a is zero <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> second try to meet as many <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> as possible. My biggest is an attractive spouce, praise, and affection. I know I'm a self-centered sap.<P>As far as conversation, try not to gossip, that always finds the conversation leading back to my situation. I like to tell funny anicdotes. Once it gets started it just flows. If you can't think of anything just look soulfully into each others eyes.<P>Don't sweat it too much or you mays get target fixation on not haveing anything to say. <P>Whats on the menu?<P>Good luck...oh hell you won't need it, you have love on the brain...<P>I'd also stop calling him "old fart" negitive connotations tend to stick in our minds, try my "man hunk"...lol<P>Don't worry you'll do great.<P>Let us know how it went.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

This question made me reflect on all the things that made my SO fall in love with me in the first place; my admiration and praise of him, little gifts, special favors, private jokes and flights of fancy... How easy it is, over the years, to get lazy and take your loved one for granted. It's no wonder when the OW starts making the deposits you've neglected to make, the object of the attention can't help but see the contrast. My problem now with Plan A is acting like I did when I felt special and loved while actually suspecting someone else now holds favor, but it's sure worth a try.

Keosha,<P>Just some ideas of books that can help too...<BR> (an extract of my full list..)<P><OL TYPE=1> <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1881273156" TARGET=_blank><B>The Five Love Languages :</B> How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate</A> by Gary Chapman <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0842378960" TARGET=_blank><B>What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women</B></A> by James C. Dobson <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0310214149" TARGET=_blank><B>What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Men</B></A> by Patrick M. Morley <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0310425115" TARGET=_blank><B>Love Life for Every Married Couple</B></A> by Ed. Wheat, M.D. <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1561796514" TARGET=_blank><B>Learning to Live With the Love of Your Life : And Loving It!</B></A> by by Neil Clark Warren <BR></OL><P> <P>Jim

You make it sound so easy... I wish I had the confidence you credit me with <P><BR>FC ~<P>I like the squeeze idea, will definitely use that one! might serve dinner wearing a "teddy". I might be old, but I'm still put together fairly well. <P>Great idea to bring up good things from the past, but my past is not that simple. I had a accident a couple years ago, all prior memories are hit & miss (mostly miss), I don't remember our wedding night. I don't know if we even had a honeymoon! On the up side of this, the bad memories left with the good ones, so I guess it all evens out. <P>Deut ~<BR>I don't know exactly what you said that "hit home" but something in your message gives me a good feeling. Maybe it's the big green grin. LOL<P>Bill ~<BR>I like the sound of that... "man hunk" ... it does present a much improved image <P>Thank you for all the great suggestions. The plan is coming together nicely. <P>The menu? <P>I think fish & shrimp for the main course. I think fish is his favorite food (wouldn't you know, I HATE fish). If I was cooking for me it would be prime rib or roast beef.<P>Maybe some of those cute little new potatoes hollowed out & re-filled with some goodies mixed in. <P>For desert, bread pudding (again, his favorite) but I like it too.<P>I haven't got it all planned, but at least I've started... <P>quandry ~<BR>You said what I couldn't say. <P>I hope I can become that person again. Why is it so easy to LB and so hard to deposit LU's? It started out just the opposite, I wonder when and why it changed? <P>I firmly believe that I can turn it around. Up till now, I haven't wanted to. It's simply starting a new relationship, except it's with a old friend. <P>I'm so very lucky that I have the chance to do this. He's still here and he wants to improve our marriage too. I understand that now. He's just going about it the wrong way. He thinks he can improve our marriage by working on it with the help of his best friend (OW) and that has caused more damage because he has developed EA with her. Maybe I should call it ED (emotional dependence). <P>I'm going to need some emotional support from you guys and girls. I can feel the roller coaster starting. I haven't even finished writing this and the doubts are creeping in. <P>I'll end on this up note. I heard thru the grapevine that him and OW and a major disagreement. Maybe this is the perfect time for me to deposit LU's while she is using LB's. <P>Thanks again to everyone for the support you give.<P><BR>

Keosha,<P>Everyday a door opens. Walk through it now.<BR>You just might get the chance to slam the door in the OW's face. There is a lot of good advice in the post above mine. Hang i there and don't LB.<P>fs<P>

soooo....<BR>How did the dinner go?<BR> <BR>deut