I decided that I needed to do something tonight to get my mind off my H. So, I started cleaning out my kitchen cabinets, and run across my husband's favorite, baked beans! I just started crying. I'm crying over BAKED BEANS! OMG! I don't know what I'm going to do.<BR>My h is a louse, but I miss him and I want him to come home. I really don't know who some of you hold on to this for so long. <BR>Most of the time I think I'm doing ok, but tonight I just miss him.<BR>Just needed to let it out.<BR>Thanks,<BR>cc<P>The devil offers sinful pleasures, but the price tag in always hidden.

ceecee- its okay. I've had a similar evening. OW is in town (from England) with H - trying to 'figure it out'. I'm doing laundry and see H's shirts by the dryer - sent me into a crying jag. Its his shirts. Bleh. <BR>Many hugs.

Hey, ceecee - sorry you're having one of those days. I'm sitting here right now wearing one of his shirts! Can't believe we're in the middle of this mess. You KNOW I've had a "miss him" week too. <P>Unfortunately, their conduct doesn't seem to be the determining factor as to how much we love them. <P>Hang in there, girl. You'll get through tonite, too. We're here w/ you, remember???<P>Lori

Hey ceecee,<BR>Don't feel too bad... I did the same thing after I went to the grocery store. I had picked up groceries that he likes & I don't. Went back around the store & put it all back, and luckily, made it to my car before I burst into tears. It's been a rought 2 weeks... but it is getting better.<P>Keep your chin up. We are here for you.<BR>B<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

Thanks ladies,<BR>I just read my topic again, ARG, I sound SOOOOOO pathetic! <BR>I was at the copy machine at work today, and all I could think about was the two of them together, doing it. YUCK! I hate that. And now, I'm crying over beans. This nightmare has got to stop. What do we need to do? How do you go on with your life, when you can't stop thinking and wondering why?<BR>I absolutly hate this.<BR>Roberta- Is your H with her now? How is he treating you?<BR>Lostva- Did you get the grass cut? I'm thinking that we need a vacation. Somewhere far away, where cute, half-naked men wait on you hand and foot. Massages, booze, sandy beaches... Sound good?<BR>Got to finish cleaning. I'll check back.<BR>LOL<BR>Cheryl<BR>

Heck, no, I didn't get it all cut!!! But I did do some - that's good, right? I figure we'll at least get some rain from the weather moving in so I'd better cut now. At least you can see the house!!!'<BR>OK, to take your mind off the louse.... I need advice about a very weird situation.<P>Talked to MIL today. H came by last night for her b-day (w/ Sweetie, of course) and she showed him the cards we sent her. Said he almost cried and Sweetie jumped up and went across the room to look over his shoulder. He got annoyed w/ her. (GOOOOO, SWEETIE, RAH, RAH, RAH!!) MIL left the room and Sweetie went and sat next to him on the floor (FIL was spying from the next room) He just sat there, staring into space w/ his hands clenched. Sweetie laid down and put her head in his lap (Pop got angry and was gonna go in to tell her to get up), when H said "Move your head. I gotta go to the bathroom." He got up and went to the bathroom and walked outside to the back yard. That's just an update, not the weird part. But it made Mom and Pop VERY happy. Didn't do me any harm either. Amazing how stupid little things lift your spirits. (and then send them crashing!)<P>Anyway, remember how agitated and silly H got when I went to dinner w/ BIL last Friday? Got another call from MIL tonight - whispering. "Already got a call today from you know who asking if you were going out w/ BIL again. Just wanted to let you know to expect a phone call - he's gonna ask you for dinner tomorrow nite (not H, BIL). Gotta go, can't talk. Don't be surprised."<P>OK, now I figure MIL and BIL are cooking this up to make H even more jealous. That or H's theory that BIL wants to be certain that he can hunt my property again this fall. Or, as MIL says, since we saw someone that BIL works w/ at dinner last week and he's been enjoying the h*** out of the ribbing of being w/ me (these guys were pretty old, so they were VERY complimentary) and BIL never told them who I was,or BIL feels terrible about what his little brother did to us and is trying to rush him along? <P>So why am I uncomfortable about this? I enjoyed dinner Friday, he and I have always been like brother and sister, but 2 weekends in a row sorta bother me. Maybe once a month or so. And I'm not sure if making H even more jealous is a good idea. I mean, I know he's dating or whatever, but he's also been thinking about us too, according to his family and only just starting to talk about entertaining the idea that he might one day want to start to think about thinking about trying again (THAT was a mouthful - and very definite, don't you think?) <P>OK, we know that, this week anyway, I'm not the brightest crayon in the box, but am I being amazingly silly? Will making him more jealous bring him back sooner, make him think more, or make him say "Oh, forget it". Or, as H said to MIL, BIL has always had a slight crush and is being comforting to be nice and brotherly, but also close. (If he had a crush, I never noticed, but H and my brother say they did).<P>What a silly mouthful this all was. Of all the things I have to worry about, I have to obscess over THIS???? OH, well, better this nonsense than missing him like I have been all week, huh? Problem is, I still miss him (hence the shirt!!).<P>There's one for you, c - or anyone else who doesn't think I'm ALWAYS a raving idiot.<P>Whaddaya think?<P>Lori

CeeCee - It gets easier as time goes on, really it does.<P>Doesn't go away completely - I still have my H's message on our answering machine - don't want to change it to my own voice because I can call my house and hear his voice whenever I need to!!<P>Sometimes, such little things bring such big emotions!!!<P>Hang in there - we know how it is!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Lori-<BR>Ok, here's my take. Sound to me like MIL, FIL and BIL are all pretty PO's at your H's behavior. I think it is wonderful that they are on your side.<BR>Maybe you should simply ask BIL what he is up to. If he is really interested in you, which I don't see, I don't think that he would be persueing you in this manner. It sounds more like he is trying to get his brothers attention. <BR>Nonetheless, if you don't want to go out; if you are feeling weird about it, you shouldn't go; especially if he only used to do this every so often. It sounds more like a game. You would think by now we would know all about games. <BR>What does your daughter think about all of this? Does she talk about it at all?<BR>H called me tonight. Said he wanted to talk to Emma. She would have no part of it. He told me to tell her that he loved her and she said, " No, Daddy, no love daddy." How's that for a heartbreaker. I hate what he is doing to her. He wants to take her for the weekend. Told him no, but he could have her for a few hours on Sun. That ought to be a good time!<BR>Is the storm coming yet? I haven't even watched to news. All I get to watch is Barney and the Little Mermaid.<BR>Don't know if I was much help. I feel like my advice right now is pretty worthless.<P>Cheryl

Your advice is great and I AM a raving lunatic!!! Would you believe at work, I'm considered level-headed and logical, the one who calmly weathers the storm, no matter what?? In my family, too, the one everyone else LEANS on.... <P>Bless her heart. It's so hard on them. You have to follow her lead tho'. She'll work it out on her own terms in her own time. Kristin wants to know Emma's whole name (she likes the Emma part and is trying to think of another name that goes w/ it).<P>She wants revenge right now. Although she's not quite as angry as before - working it out in her own head. And she's been laughing all week at the fit of jealousy. But she agrees that the only thing BIL have in common (all we talked about) is H and that 2 in a row might be uncomfortable. I think we've decided. The first football game at her new school is tomorrow night and she and I and Katrina and her mom are gonna go. (I'll call Merri tomorrow) Sat nite she's got a friend coming over so I'm not going out. (Love this little girl, known her since she was 2, but she's a wild one now!!!) Maybe, because of the week I've had, I'm just not in the mood to make one on one conversation. I know I've been making WAY too much out of everything..This way, I get to get out of this house, don't hurt BIL's or MIL's feelings, WON'T be here if H calls, but haven't done anything to upset him either. Also, she gets to visit her new school and get in the spirit of things right away. (Also, BIL did kid me last week that SIL told him I should've married him instead anyway. OK, you'd have to know the two of us. I love him, now that I've had 10 years to know him, but, if he weren't family, I probably never would've even been friends w/ him).<P>The storm is not likely to hit us, but we could get some overflow - thunderstorms and such, a little tornado here and there, so we're cleaning up the yard and, around here, the power goes out if someone sneezes too hard.<P>I hate you're feeling bad. This really sucks. And I'm not very good at helping tonite, I'm afraid. I probably should go to bed. Tomorrow is Friday - hurrah! BTW, e-mail @ work (7-3 my time) is lori.dodge@us.nestle.com. Next lunch (or at the copy machine) just e-mail if you need me.<P>Did my nails tonight. If nothing else, I have the time to take care of myself a little more these days. Good for you w/ the cabinets. I had started repainting the kitchen 3 days before d-day and STILL haven't finished. I've started it again tho'. Maybe we ARE getting better and just don't realize it this week! Ups and downs. Don't like it, don't like it one bit. <P>Oh, one more update - Sweetie can't cook! ('Course she's only a child - how could she?) Asked MIL for recipe for something H liked and didn't get it. MIL just pretended she forgot. I DO love that woman!!!! Latest family discussion from b's and s's and MIL and BIL. H wants me and Kristin, everyone agrees, but something (and not Sweetie) is holding him back. No one can figure out what it is. Neither can I. Got the posse working on it though. Good thing, since he doesn't call us.<P>Talk to you later.<P>OK, Crazy, you GOT to get off this nite shift! This time difference is driving me crazy now that I can sleep a little!!! (I KNOW she'll be reading all this eventually tonite!) How's your day, by the way. <P>Oh, cc, LOVE the cute half-naked men. But you really shouldn't use that word to a woman in my condition, you know.....Been a LONG time since June 27 (OMG, I actually know the DATE!!!!!) I'm right in my prime, too. Great - now I get to obscess about THAT again!<P>Lovya,<P>Lori

Hey guys, I'm having one of those missing him nights also. I had to leave work early I just couldn't stop the tears tonight. Tomorrow H is coming to move some stuff out. He is moving out his big old recliner. I just almost go into a panic when I think about that being gone. It makes it all so permanent. I can't help but remember when I bought it for him for fathers day. I think about all the times I sat and watched him sleep in the chair and I can't believe that I may never see him do that again. I know he is a idiot, and I know I should be mad at him and not give a rats [censored] if he is gone or not but I just really miss him. 15 yrs is a long time of loving someone and i can't believe that he is going to throw it all away like we were nothing. I've felt really good all week I don't know why today is so hard. I just dread tomorrow. Not only is he moving stuff out but it is my last day of work on my eve shift and all the girls are throwing me a party. I would have liked to not worked tomorrow but i can't do that to them. Job interview went well, I now will have only 2 days off a month. If I die of overworking H has only himself to blame. I'm sorry I'm so down. Hopefully tomorrow will be better than I think it will be. I'll post and let you know.<P><BR>Jiller

cee cee and other ladies:<P>Watch all that talk about half naked men now...there are a few of us out here who are working on being sensitive compassionate members of the human race... <P>As you have gathered, my situation is different that quite a few of you in that my W and I are still living together and are actively working things out. I think I found out just in time to make the changes in my life necessary to keep the marriage alive.<P>However, I do understand the pain that you are going through. Just because she's still here doesn't mean that the pain has gone away. There are still times where she pushes me away and I know that she is thinking of him. Recently I had wondered if she's talking to him again even though she says she's not and has no desire to anymore. This causes me great anxiety. So please know that there are some men out here who understand and can relate to things that are important to you.<P>If anybody needs a male perspective, (even if it's wrong as so often it is) please feel free to contact me. I will be glad to help if I can.<P><P>------------------<BR>The realization that life is not fair is a pain that lasts a lifetime, but with perserverance and love, the pain can be greatly eased.

ceecee (and others); Yes H is with OW as I write this. When I found out she was coming to town to 'figure out their relationship' i went immediately to plan b. Thankfully, I had laid out what my line was and what it meant prior to that and had explained it to him. I'm holding to it - no communication since Tuesday. I asked for a meeting with him when she leaves letting me know his decision. He responded that he didn't know how long she would be here (days - weeks). I don't know how they can figure out a relationship sitting in a hotel room with a 2 1/2 year old (hers) running around. <P>I'm on needles and pins, can't eat. But getting so much support from you guys and my friends.

Jumping back in on ceecee's thread - oh well, she won't mind...<P>las - hey! we're sensitive, compassionate members of the human race, too, just.....oh never mind!!! Nice to have some male input. I know that I've been having a heck of a time trying to figure out ONE male that I thought I knew better than myself! I know your pain is real...I had just about a month w/ h after our first "talk" that cost me most of my sleep and 27 pounds. It does hurt doesn't it? Good for you that she's still there and you guys are working together. I'll be praying for you that you get through the hard part and come out with the marriage that you want. Mine felt he had to leave before he could "date", so he didn't give me much of a chance. Except for reports from my in-laws, I don't even know how he's feeling. He was such a mess before he left (still doesn't have many of his things) that I've spent the two visits we've had just keeping things light and comfortable. OH, well, life goes on (and, this week anyway, on and on and on.....)<P>R - sorry, just too long to type. Oh, I do wish you luck. I'm w/ you though. How CAN you figure out the rest of your life in a visit? They can't really, you know. I used to think fantasy was a GOOD word.<P>You're being good and strong. Just hang in there. Don't have much choice, do we, when we don't have any control. Except over ourselves and from what I can see, you're doing fine there. I'll be thinking about you and watching for your posts.<P>Update to cc and crazy jill - Now I feel like a terrible mother! Actually had an argument w/ my daughter. Now you guys have to understand, we have NEVER fought. She's wonderful and so am I (LOL). My nerves must be shot! She's gone shopping w/ my mom. OK, I'm feeling sorry for myself now. I left work 'cause she was sad (thought the day together would do us both good) and when I got home, mom had bribed her w/ a shopping trip. (She has lots of money - right now, I can hardly afford a Coke!) So off she goes. You don't mind, do ya Mom? So, they left, I had my cry, cut some MORE grass (the rider's broken and I'm having to push this huge lawn w/ a 22" push mower - I sure hope I look better for this!) and now I think I'll shower and figure out what to do tonight. Doesn't look like I'll be going out though. Talk to you guys later.<P>Lori<P>