I lost hope. I wanted out. I believed there was someone else out there for me. The 'ONE' that I had always dreamed of. I lost my mind over the threat to my financial security. I was angry because my husband jeopardized his family. He was 'stupid' in my mind. I called him. An old flame. In fact, he was my very first love. He wanted to see me...and it snowballed from there. I began an affair that lasted for a few years. I felt guilty sometimes, but not always, because I would justify it by what my husband had done. But deep in my heart I knew, it was sin. There wasn't any getting around that. I fell in love with this man. I cried a river over him. He would not leave his wife for me. He wasn't in love with her, but he was close to retirement, and he would lose his life savings if he divorced her. So, it ended, and I continued a never ending pursuit for my elusive dream. He must be out there, he must be. I got myself entangled in one situation after another. Only to end up with my heart broken, again,and again. And through it all, there was my husband, blinded in love with me. ALways there, always faithful, always giving. I felt so ugly. I began to HATE myself. I hated my life. It was time. I had to turn to God. I had to rededicate my life to Him. We began attending a church. I love(d) this church! Little by little, bit by bit, my life changed. I began to actually be happy at home. Contentment came. Joy. Peace. EXCEPT...MY HORRIBLE SECRET! I was an adulteress. Oh Dear Lord, what am I going to do? Even if I wanted to try and make a marriage with my husband...oooooo, to have to tell him....