There is soooooo much truth in this. I copied it from KristyE's reply and put it here where it will get special attention. <P>What a eye opener!!!<P><BR>...stop the crying, the begging and the pleading. Dr. Dobson said in one of his books that you didn't beg, plead and cry to get him to marry you, you aren't going to get him to stay with you doing that either. You have to appear confident about yourself and spend time with you and your kids. Stop thinking of him. You have to appear like you did when he first fell in love with you - and make him want to stay with you. <P><BR>I sure wouldn't want H to stay in marriage only out of pity. I want him to respect, and admire me for who I am. <p>[This message has been edited by Keosha (edited January 15, 2000).]

My God isn't that the truth!! I begged my H to stay but he left. Now I've made the decision to build myself up. I wasn't a wreck and begging him to marry me so why should I do that now?? <BR>Excellent advice!!

Keosha and Mitzi,<P>I think you should check out the following post...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/010263.html" TARGET=_blank>Readers of "Love Must be Tough" - Please Reply</A>.<P>It has to do with the idea that "Love Must be Tough"... is basically a "<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>"-only book.<P>Just an idea...<P>Jim

I don't think of what I'm trying to do as tough love. I have cried and it only makes him aggravates him. So basically when I talk to him, I try to sound somewhat happy. I do though tell him that I miss him and I love him and he is welcome to come home, that me and the boys will be there for him. Basic Plan A stuff. But if I start crying, he starts yelling, calling me a psychotic b***h. And also an emotional wreck. I feel that if I get too upset, it's a LB. I save the crying until later when he's not around. <BR>There is no way I could do a tough love approach. I do have to see him when he visits the kids. And when I see him, I'm so happy that I know he can see it, possibly sense it. <BR>Plan A is hard but has been somewhat effective for me. That is what I'm sticking to. But I can't get too emotional around him and if I call him, that's an LB in his opinion. So I just wait until I get the chance to talk to him and it's Plan A all the way. <BR>H is a very hard person to figure out. He's just too angry to try to have a heart to heart talk with right now. He takes all of his anger out on me. I'm hoping that means he does still care. If he didn't care I would think that he would be calm and cold. Maybe I'm wrong, just an idea.

Keosha,<P>Remember me from your"Need Advice" post? Love Must be Tough,is the book my theapist recommended to me. It let me confront my husband in a warm and loving way that also maintained my self respect.<P>It is a great book! My husband was 1 year into his emotional affair. Using the technique in his book brought my H back to our marriage and got him to committ to counciling!<P>The book is also quick to point out that the longer you allow the affair to continue, the closer you come to loosing your husband. That rang true for me! <P>It comes on tape too. I actually used the tapes since I felt time was of the essence. <P>Acacia