If anyone read my post "My Once In A Lifetime", you'll know I had given up. It was a love letter to my H reminding him of all we had been to each other and also to say good-bye and to set him free. I really meant it...I was all done trying, I was moving on. I printed up that post and brought it home and left it on the diningroom table before I left to go to the cabin on Saturday. I didn't get home until almost midnight on Monday, however, Monday morning there were two voice mails on my cellphone from H. The first one came around 6 in the morning with H telling me he missed me followed by a second message saying he loved me and we needed to talk and he wished he could see me. As I am now three or four times bitten and three or four times shy; very suspicious and distrustful now, (recovery-odometer has been reset to zero), I am listening to my H talk to me uninterrupted. He says he read my MB post and it hit him like a ton of bricks and he did not realize the damage he was doing. He reassured me, apologized, made more promises (we'll see) saying he truly was going to court me, focus on me and us, work on the marriage and make it a priority, said he wants to remarry in the Church in a few months when the dust settles and we find out if the baby is his and how this will impact our lives. I have prayed and prayed for this and God does answer prayers. He has answered everyone of mine and I can't explain the amazment I feel at His benevolence. Just a few days ago, it truly looked as though we were finished and that he wanted nothing more to do with me. I truly believed it was over and there was nothing more I could do. I am fortunate that whatever I said touched him somewhere deep inside and he was able to 'snap out of it'...for now. I hope this is permanent and he means what he says. THE WITHDRAWAL IS OVER. Thanks for listening. Catnip

Oh, I know God does answer each prayer. It's just that sometimes we want him to answer NOW, and he isn't in a hurry at all. (Remember Lazarus?) <P>I sure hope this one is it. I sure hope that this time it is the last time you are reset back to zeroe.<P>I guess your trust now needs to be in the Lord, as you pray for your husband. We can't always have faith in our confused spouses, but we sure can have faith in God, huh?<P>God Bless.<P>

.<p>[This message has been edited by Kyra (edited June 20, 1999).]

catnip,<BR>I have crossed my fingers and toes for you <BR>Best wishes!!!!!

Great news Catnip. Your H should be honored to have a wife with such depth and quality.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Hi there. I just read your post to me on my thread. Thank you so much for you encouraging kind words. <BR>I have wanted to send my husband a similar letter so badly. I did that when he was gone before, I wrote him a goodbye letter...telling him all the things I would miss about him and our marriage....and it did prompt a response in him. He came to me the next day crying, and begging forgiveness, saying he had been living a fantasy....wanted to renew our vows, get new rings...I was so so relieved to hear these words that I took him back that day. But before a week was over he was in withdrawals from her. He began missing her and it lead to his leaving again, a mutual decision on both our parts. This was about 6 weeks ago. Ever since then, I have wanted to send a letter like yours. I have written several..but just tear them up. <P>I am following Plan B now, and I know I'm not supposed to tell him these things....but my heart keeps wanting to. I guess part of me can't let go of the fact that I could maybe touch his heart somehow....<P>any input for me? Thanks...so much...<P>------------------<BR>~Linda~<P>

catnip,<P>Its good to hear from you. I've been wondering how you were doing. I'm so glad to hear that he is out of his withdrawal phase. I hope that things continue to progress. Recovery is such a long and difficult process anyway, and I know that having an OC involved makes it all that much more complicated.<P>H and I talked last night about his baby. We never seem to make any progress and we are both very depressed today. I told him that I thought it would be best to not be involved in the OC's life since the OC will have 2 loving parents but H just can't let go. He envisions the OC finding him later in life and being mad at H for not being more involved. He also fears what it will do to him on the inside if he is not involved. It seems that our conversations on this subject just go around in circles and we don't get any closer to resolving the issue. There are so many emotions involved and I think it is hard for either of us to understand what the other one is going through. In some ways, I just feel like giving up but I know that I can't do that.<P>Well, I didn't mean to bring up all my issues after you just shared something positive with us! You are in my thoughts and I hope that you and your H are able to work things out.<P>-Audrey

Catnip: That is real good news.. I am very happy for you... Keep plugging away... I am doing the same....!!

Thank you all for your kind wishes. KYRA...when you said to sit my H down at the computer and make him read the post, it inspired me to print it up and bring it home. Thank you, Kyra, for suggesting something I wouldn't have done on my own. I am private with my MB forum and did not occur to me to let him in on it. Because of your suggestion, I brought it home and he read it. That was four days ago. He has been very different over the past four days. He's very much like he used to be before the nightmare began. I am grateful and humbled...and very, very guardedly optimistic...and scared. Thanks Everyone. You and this forum makes such a differnece in my life through the bad and the good. I could never have gone through this without you. I know whatever the outcome, even if he fails to continue the recovery, you'll all be here. And I for all of you. God bless.

catnip,<BR>my best wishes still on your behave. <BR>Hang in there!<BR>

This was one of the final posts I made this summer. Since then much has occurred. I went to NY unannounced to meet OW. After an hour I was able to assure her I meant no harm and was able to disarm her. In fact, we spoke for six and a half hours til 1:30 in the morning. This was on August 4th. Since then she has given birth to a girl on August 20th...right on schedule. It was the best thing I needed to do for myself and for my marriage. I had to face the demons and challenge their strength. I had to disspell the illusions and my imagination. I got my questions answered as did she. There will be no involvement on either side and my H will not be involved with the child. It's been decided by both my H and the OW. The child will have a big family to love her and many close family friends. Perhaps there will be a meeting in ten or twenty years.<BR>In the meantime, we will continue to do what the priest at Retrouvaille told us to do...put the marriage and each other first. I am lucky because my story does have a happy ending. My H is exactly as he used to be...only better. I can hardly believe it. It was a long time coming and he was such a sonofa*****. God has answered my prayers and has blessed us both with our recovery. Sometimes I find myself sad that this ever happened to begin with, I occasionally still get angry over the losses, but by and large, I am definitely healing and so is my H. He is better than before with a new maturity I haven't seen before. He is being so good to me after being so horrible that I still have a hard time trusting him. But, every day with his consistency, it gets better and better. I never thought I would ever be writing this because it was all so hopeless in May and June. I truly thought we were finished and that I would be spending the rest of my life without him. I still haven't figured out what I was supposed to learn from all this but I imagine in time it will be revealed to me and to us somehow. I just wish I wouldn't have had to endured all this pain. It was so intense, so heart-breaking and its changed me forever and I'm not sure I like the change. The damage left in my H's wake is being repaired. The business is on course and our bills are getting paid -(finally). Our grown children do not know and will not know about the child in NY and we have decided not to tell them as we doubt there will be any communication at least for a decade or probably more. We will send a check every month to NY when the DNA results are final.<BR>Thank you for the opportunity to tell my story, to pour out my heart, for allowing me to tell you my deepest, darkest secrets and for your support and sound advise. I am so grateful to God and to the forum and all of you in it who have helped me get through the most horrible time in my life. It looked so grim for so long that I never thought I would be able to offer any hope to any of you, only anger, bitterness and sadness. I'm here to tell you that it can happen, we can survive, our marriages can survive, our spouses can "snap out of it" and new meaning and closeness can come into our marriages. It sure doesn't happen over night or when we want it to. It happens when the time is right and God has put our spouse through the paces. Unfortunately, we suffer the most while they're 'learning' whatever it is they are supposed to be learning- but there must be reason for that, whatever it is.<BR>I brought all these old posts to the forefront because LynnAK01 was looking for answers. These posts give a history of what happened, how it was then and the journey to where we are now, all to give some hope and encouragement while going through such a devastating "worst case scenario" of an affair. Some of the women who were posting back then have dropped out of sight for a while but they still 'lurk' as I have been doing since late June.<BR>I can't believe my H and I are surviving this and that our marriage is really doing exceptionally well under the circumstances. I feel very blessed and lucky to have an opportunity to fix this. It could all backfire on me and have me back on the forum looking for support, but, I'm going to go with the course no matter how scary. My H's remorse and tears and sincerity, kindness, warmth and interest in me and our marriage is the reason we are getting through all this. I pray for all of us to repair and recover and to bring our families back together. Thank you Jenny, Smith, CJM, Kyra, Audrey, Destroyed, cl, lillianblu, Bev1124, if you are still out there lurking. Thank you Starpony and Daycare. I'm glad you're still around.

and THANK you for telling your story<BR>(crying buckets of tears)<BR>may god bless you and your family and keep you all from harm

Catnip!!<P><BR>It feels like a big reunion here this week! You have been missed and I have thought of you often since your last post on the eve of you trip to NY. Thank you for your wonderful update. Your sincerity, strength,honesty and deep humanity remain an incredible inspiration to me. I too struggle with the scariness of remaining hopeful but as I believe we have just one go round on this earth - I plan to live it fully, deeply and honestly - as I see you doing.<P>My warmest wishes and thoughts and prayers to you and your H,<P>Starpony

Thank you for sharing your progress with us! I went back and read "Once in a lifetime". It sounded so much like my H!!! The cold stare, the non-responsiveness, its just scary. It's so good to hear that things turned around for you.

I am just praising the Lord, for you catnip.<P>This is the kind of posts we all need to be reading.<P>God Bless You and your life.<BR>TNT