Last night I was feeling alone and bored. I tried to just get a movie, but wanted something else. Watching movies by myself nowadays just plain sucks. A friend of mine was going to the bar (sports bar) and I wanted to tag along. Lostva warned me...<BR>Waited in line thinking that this was a stupid idea. I wasn't there to pick anyone up, just to get out of my sterile environment (yah, my suite).<BR>I had one beer and he bought me one shooter. I wanted to drive home so I was drinking GingerAle all night. All the time I was thinking that I didn't belong there. What was I doing there. I thought "J. if you want to goto the bar goto Cheers and talk to a bartender" but not there. Young students filled the whole place to overfilling. Definitly not for me. Even if I had any urge to cheat..sorry not with someone not ready to consider a decent relationship with a minimum of games. But I don't have any such urge. Some lady asked my friend to dance and her friend told me to sit down. I noticed her ring and said "girls night out?" yup. i flashed my ring and said "have one of those too" She smiled and asked if I came out alot..."not in the last 3 years" Hehe said long story and she said must be. She wasn't surprised when I told her my story in 10 words or less. It's like everyone knew but me what is going on in society. Anyway I was bummed out and my buddy got on my case when I bailed and left. <P>Fell asleep crying and watching a movie with subtitles. Can't get anyworse than that I think. I just can't stop wondering why even though I think I am starting to 'get it'. Make things worse I had a horrible dream last night that I made the ULTIMATE LB to my wife and things went in the crapper. <P>Guess I just needed to say it to someone, I am definitly not going to say it to my wife since that would bring things back to square one. <P>Any support guys?<BR><P>------------------<BR>Now I know I can shine a light to find my way back home...VS

Hi, James.<P>Bad night, huh? We have those. You'll come up with a method that will get you "out of it" most of the time after a while.<P>Until then, we're here. Just tell us all the things when they hurt and let it all out. Then you'll be ready to keep on with that wonderful Plan A you've been working on!<P>Don't forget Desiree's analogy. You're planting the seeds, tending the crop, weathering the storms, fighting the droughts until you reap your harvest. It takes TIME. And during that time, you'll be getting stronger and stronger and becoming a better and better James!! Go back and search Bill's posts (you don't mind, do ya, Bill?? ) Look what a difference time makes. Heck, for that matter, search mine, Heartpain's, Desiree's, a whole bunch of us! See the progression. See how things work along this ride. Understanding that you're not alone, that we've all fought the same battles (and WON a lot of them!) WILL help you feel better. I promise. Human beings can endure almost anything when we KNOW we'll come out ahead on the other side. And on this ride, we always come out ahead because we grow.<P>Hope you're feeling better today. Take care of yourself and do something just for you if you can. Oh, and just to make me feel better: NO MORE BARS!!!!! <P>Hang in there.<P>Lori

Lostva: Yup you were right. I did buy the Ally mcbeal soundtrack at blockbusters video with my free 25$ card <P>Talk about music to be alone with. Ally should write a book on how to have a screwed up lonely life so we can all go...yup been there. (why do that I guess when we can watch it on TV)<P>Just me here thinking<P>------------------<BR>Now I know I can shine a light to find my way back home...VS

S J,<P>Know the feelings all too well. I don't go to bars, I can't drink, and I don't like being around drunks.<P>I also have a real hard time w/society accepting cheating as being ok. It realy stinks how we have atrophied as a people.<BR>I too went to bed lonely, as I will tonight. My W won't. she'll be in the arms of that little [censored] that has ruined my life. It is all I can do somedays not to go and beat the crap out of him.<P>Wow my resentment is realy showing. I need to go back and read my positive thinking post and start a thread to release this.<P>Sorry I didn't help much right now. I'll try later.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Bill: Email me firesong@bigfoot.com<BR>it helps.<P>In a way what I am going through is similar to what my wife went through before her Emotional attachment to the OM. Lonely, no outlets, noone to listen, no one to cuddle, but at least this was my decision (partly). It must have been hard for her.... better part of a year and this has only been a few weeks for me. (Even though it may have been gradual for her... the pain is the same)<P>Makes a person think.<P><BR>p.s. Bill send me a link to your postive thinking post<BR>------------------<BR>Now I know I can shine a light to find my way back home...VS<p>[This message has been edited by Simply J (edited January 16, 2000).]

James,<P>I know that feeling too...<P>Weekends when my kids are with my W and OM are the worst fore me... <P>Ar least when they're with me... I can do stuff with them... <P>I'm not ready for the seeing other yet...<BR>Don't think I'll be for a few years...<P>I think maybe doing something new could help you out.... I going to take some dance lessons this week or next... Anything for a change of pace... (please... no more videos)<P>Prayers to you guy,<P>Jim

Hi James...<P>Well, I'm glad those feelings are telling you something. You aren't read for the bar. You aren't ready to be "available!" You aren't! <P>It's part of recovery, you just aren't ready for moving out of your situation yet.<P>Keep up the good work with no lovebusters. VERY IMPORTANT.<P>And, prayers work wonders.<BR>God Bless,<BR>TNT<BR>

Hey J,<P>I know exactly how you feel. Back in October a bunch of my Guys put together a haunted hay ride trip for the staff. It was OK. I needed a night out. I went alone. Then afterwards they get the brilliant idea to go to a hot bar in the city. <P>Great, I was in a carpool and had no choice. Well we got there and it was obvious that it was the local college hang out. I'm 39, married, and really didn't feel like being there. Can you say square peg in round hole? Yeah, there were very attractive girls there that almost could have been my daughter. I felt so out of place. I had a drink and convinced my buddy to hit the road. That was way to uncomfy.<P>If I wanted to I probably could have gotten lucky. Sorry, that's not what I am about. I still am in love with my W.<P>Best wishes and Prayers,<P>Tim