Heartache.....<P>Are you thinking that your H and ripped aparts W are the betrayers in both your lives? or that the situations are just similar?<P>I also was betrayed by H in his first affair with my best friend whom I prayed with every morning.... usually about my marriage being healed..... and every evening she talked to H, but it wasn't to heal my marriage, as I found out later.... ICKY situations!<P>cozy

Used2Be-there is NO doubt in my mind that ripped apart is my H's OW's H. The stories are jsut far too similiar and I started shaking the instant I read it-I think my mind knew right away But if this place can help him as much as it has helped me then I want him to feel free to come back. After all-he and I didn't do anything............................

Wow, talk about a small world.... <P>hang in there!!!! I can't imagine how that twist on things would effect me, so I'm praying for you.....<P> you probably both know things the other person doesn't..... weird...<P>cozy

*<p>[This message has been edited by ripped apart (edited August 30, 1999).]

Ripped apart,<P>I'm so sorry that your friend was such a complete [censored]. Your wife sounds like a good person who would like to repair and renew your marriage. You sound like you might be willing to try.<P>Forget the creep, it will only fester. Focus on repairing the cracks in the marriage that he (and someone else in the future) might take advantage of.<P>Dr. Harley has an article that might help you understand why your wife would start to do something so hurtful that she feels terribly guilty about today. Maybe it can begin the bridge of healing. I hope it is helpful to you. The article is at...<P>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5059_qa.html<BR>

CUCKOLD-that complete [censored] happens to be my H. And if you would so much as like to ehar his side before making rash statements such as your post I would appreciate it! There are two sides to the story and my H admits to his wrong doing-too bad the OW can't do the same. I am as sorry for ripped apart as I am for myself but I don't appreciate your calling my H a complete [censored]!!!<P><BR>*heartache*

this is ripped aparts wife. I have been a frequent visitor to this site for 2 months now, and it has helped me so much. I would like to have my say on this matter.<BR>First of all, ripped apart has never got the chance to have his say with the OM. The OM's W got to have her say thru a number of e-mails..if she can remember right, I did mention in the e-mails that I am very very sorry for what I have done to her. i have deep deep regret over what I have done, deep pain and anguish over the mistake I made.I do admit that the affair was 50/50, of course they all are. However, in trying to tell my side of the story, I was taken as I was not admitting my fault or part of this. I have admitted that, to her, to him, to my H, to myself.I have carried such regret, shame and guilt over what I have done, and it is for hurting my H as much as hurting her.<BR>Imagine my suprise last week to come across a post that sounded familiar, then I realized it was written by the OM's wife.<BR>I was shocked to read of yet more lies, however I cannot fault her for this, as she is just repeatig things she has heard from her H.<BR>We conversed thru a number of e-mails, and she got to tell me what she thought of me, and what I ( well, I mean we, her H and I ) have done. I remember her saying at the time that she could not just sit back and not say a thing.I am glad she got her say, and I needed to hear the pain that I have caused her. My H has never had the chance to talk to the Om... he has tried, and from what he told me, was threatned with a restraining order.( if this is a lie, i apologize, it is what h told me)... it is not fair that she could have her say with me, and he not be allowed to say something.When it was his turn, they said no contact. <BR>Now, to come on here and read more lies, it baffles me. I understand how someone would do or say just about anything to get out of this, but this is unreal. He is being portrayed as someone who is so wonderful, and makes it sound like he was a victim to me. Come on! I forced him to have an affair with me? <BR>I have been very honest with my H, I spilled my guts to him, and it felt good knowing that he now knew everything, and if we are to build a new relationship, ( since I ruined our last one ) it is to be built on honesty. Starting a new relationship based on lies, is no way to live.<BR>The flirting was 50/50. It went both ways.<BR>The pursuing was 50/50 in the beginning,yes.<BR>Towards the end, no.<BR>The Om knows this. He knows also that I had such guilt over what was going on. I remember the day I called him over, I had just returned from the doctor, who had sent me to a counselor, and put me on antidepressants. I remember saying, this is what this is doing to me, could we please try to stop it now.<BR>I was crying. I was severely depressed. He said he would leave me alone, but added, could we be friends? That was his way of staying in my life. I lost almost 20 pounds, was depressed, and would shake whenever I was around them. I do admit, and he should too, that I broke it off all the time. i was so confused and sick over all of this. I do admit, there were times that i did go back,<BR>( my weak moment he would call it ) but when I decided we needed it to stop, and stay stopped, I was now strong, and I knew I needed to do this. He did continue to call, and occasionally i would call him, after all, he wanted to be friends. But when he would come around again, he would try something, and I would have to push him away.<BR>He made promises to be "good ". I wanted to trust him that he would. The incident at my house was the final straw. ( this was months after it was finally over, for good ) On this day I no longer had feelings for this OM, all I wanted was to be left alone now. I had come to think of him as a nightmare that wouldnt go away. 2 months later I see on my caller ID that he had tried to call. I was shaking and didnt know what to do. He had not called me, or bothered me for 2 months. I did not want calls! A week or so later, i contacted him, I was trying to tell him that i was about to tell my H what had happened, but he was busy and said he would call me another time. I did not get a chance to say it. He told me he missed me,wanted a kiss. The caller ID that weekend showed a handful of calls (we were gone for the weekend ) Tuesday rolls around, and the phone starts ringing.. I was scared. I told him that H knew some of what had happened, and I was going to tel him it all. ( he said, but I said I was sorry , refering to the incident at the house ) and I told him that my H will probably divorce me, and that I didnt want to hurt him. He said he will have to tell his wife before H does. And he was angry. I honestly did not believe he would tell his wife, he always said he would deny it to the end, and I knew if I told my H, he would deny it. He told me a few days later that he had told her. I told him, tell your wife I will call her in a few days, to apologize and talk to her. He said please dont, and he said he didnt go into much detail, that he didnt remember anything. I wasnt sure whether to believe him or not,that he had really told her, I wanted her to confront me... I sent her some e-mails, hoping she would respond. I wanted to be confronted, do it now, get it over with type of thinking,I was anxious to tell her how sorry I was. And I tried. He had also told me that I shouldnt tell me H of this, that his wife wouldnt say anything. When confronted, it was then time to tell my H what I had done, to finish the story.<BR> I never ever meant to hurt anyone. I never wanted to be caught, as was said in another post. If I had known that this would all come over, the affair never would have taken place. People go into affairs thinking no-one will ever know. But for my sanity and my marriage, it came out. I was carrying alot of guilt over what WE had done, and it was eating away at my marriage. I needed to come clean in order for things to get any better.<BR>We now talk more than we have in a long time.<BR>I am getting back to being the person I was before I ever met the OM...the woman my H loves.<BR>I believe coming here does not do me or my H, any good. I know for a fact that the Om has lied about many things, and the advice I have gotten is, some people will do or say anything to keep what they have. I do not blame his W for believing him in whatever he says, for to her, she needs to believe him, to stay in the marriage. I am done worrying about the lies. For I know and he knows the truth. There are things that can be taken as seeing things differently than the other, fine, But others are big lies, to make me look like some tramp after a married man, which is so untrue. What gets me thru this is knowing I know the truth, HE knows the truth..whether he choose to say it is no longer my concern. I am not going to fight the lies anymore. For me, the lies only create bitterness, and hate, and that does not belong in this house, where there is still alot of work to be done. I cant allow it to eat at me. I have no control over what he says, so i wont bother trying.<BR>If they are trying to destroy my marriage, they are doing a good job on here, keep it up, if that is your wish, to ruin us. I chose to not allow what is said anymore to affect me. I want to work on my marriage and focus on that. My H has been a wonderful man to me, and though I might have been blind to that for a short time, I see it so clearly now, and I was so stupid for risking that. He asked me to marry him again, almost 2 months ago.We have alot of work to do first, but he is such a great guy and I am thankful that he did not leave me after he found all this out. I would like a chance to show him that he will not regret it. <BR>To the Om's w, there are some things I would like to say and please read them over and over again, I need you to hear it. I am deeply and truly sorry for the hurt that i have caused you. I hurt for the pain I have caused my H and also you. I am sorry that i did not value our friendship like I should have, like any friend should. i am so sorry for that. I am sorry that I have caused you so much pain, I need to know how much pain, in order for me to continue to understand that what I did was so very awful. i regret it everyday of my life. i need you to know that I do not have any feelings for your husband, and I will never ever have any contact with him whatsoever. I have ruined your vision of what a frien should be and I am so sorry for that. What really bothers me, is that I will, , spend the rest of my life letting my H know just how much I am sorry and how much I regret it.But I will not get to do that with you. So, that is why I am here. I want you to know that I am so sorry, i cant say it enough. I hurt so very bad over what I have done to you. I will never forgive myself, and I will never ask for your forgiveness, for there is none when a friend does this. I am sorry that I have ruined our frienship in this way.<BR> all the good times and laughs we shared , I have now ruined, it is all so painful to you. I need you to know, as I read here last week. I do not laugh abut you with friends. never. i find nothing funny about what I have done to you, nothing funny about this situation at all. And when i saw you last week, i felt so bad, I had to hold back tears, we used to be such good friends, and what the mistake that your H and I made, brought us to that day, in a room, and we had to pretend that we didnt know each other. It was an awful trip to get from the first day we became friends to the day we ended up in the same room, with so much pain. I wanted to go over to you and tell you how sorry I am, I felt so bad that you were uncomfortable, and it bothered me that I was the cause of this.I have learned alot of lessons, and everyday I struggle with what I have done, to you and to my H. I understand and am conituing to understand your anger, my H anger and both of your hurt. I am sorry for what I have done to you and to your life. Please know that everything in this letter is the Gods honest truth and sincere. I swear on my life and the lives of everyone I love, that what is written here is the truth. And again, i am and always will be, sorry for what I have done to you. I cant say it enough.<P>we choose to leave this site, and focus on our marriage now. We will not be posting anymore.<p>[This message has been edited by ripped apart (edited August 30, 1999).]

Heartache,<P>I'm sorry if I offended you.

RA : I am glad that your wife came forward and told the OP's wife that she is sorry, I hope that she gets to to see it. It is hard for us who are betrayed to see, or even care, that the person who betrayed sometimes hurts too, and has their own pain. I wish you healing, and understanding. God bless.