I am staying up all night cleaning and I came across some letters that my stbx wrote to me before we married and when he wanted the divorce. God, I haven't cried like that in a long time. Now, the pain I am feeling is almost like when I found out about the affair. That burning in my heart just plain hurts. The one letter he wrote to me when we were dating was just so emotional. "I will fight for you no matter what"...."please don't ever let me down because I love you so much" "You are the only woman I will ever love and I would die if I were to ever lose you". Jeez...what happened? After being on this site I was able to read the letter he wrote me when he wanted the divorce and really see the guilt in him. So, I really have learned alot from everyone here. No, it doesn't make it any less painful, but I really do understand now. So much blame on me and he even blamed himself. LOL....would never do that now.<BR>All of you have really brought this whole affair and even this divorce into perspective for me. I will be forever greatful for everyone. He is following every sign of an addicted man who is out of control. He will wake up, I really do believe it. <BR>Nancy

They often do wake-up. Mine did.<P>I hope your's will very soon. You can remind him and help him remember. When my husband left me and had divorce papers drawn up, I used that opportunity as an excuse to bring him photos and letters of our life together. I went to Kinko"s and made color copies of photos that would trigger special times in him and copied some of his letters and cards to me and put them in an envelope and handed it to him at the office, saying as long as he was leaving he should have these photos.<P>They did have an impact. It did confuse his 'feelings' for the OW and make him have doubts about what he was doing. I don't know what, if any, help that was to our reconcilliatiion, but, it made me feel proactive in jarring him out of his insanity.<P>Just thought I'd tell you what I did.<P>Stay strong. Prayers.<P>

Thanks..<BR>I did give him some wonderful pictures.....but he became mad. Said that he would keep them, but that "it didn't work". It hurt me...but he did keep them. But he really isn't the sentimental type so they probably have been put up and have never been looked at again. I think he is afraid to because it might make him start feeling sad. And god forbid if he would want to let his heart soften any.<BR>Nancy

Catnip is right addicts usualy do wake up. It just takes a whole lot of pain for some to bottom.<P>I'm still pretty upset by your sign off thread...he can straiten me out anytime he wants...<P>Don't leave here yet. It sounds as if you still have alot of pain to work through. Let us help.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

{{{{{{{{{{<B>Nancy</B>}}}}}}}}}},<P>I know your H will wake up someday.<P>My W will too, probably after our divorce... <P>but those days will come... <P>Jim