I have to leave the forum now. I've known that for a while.<BR>Thanks to everyone who has been there for so long. I wish I could have been more help to those here.<BR>Just wanted to share some final thoughts that I have finally faced.<BR>Infidelity does happen in good marriages.<BR>There are horrible marriages that never have to face this truama.<BR>There are some very lacking people out there who never have their spouses stray. ( I see some of them on a daily basis.)<BR>There are some really good people whose spouses DO betray.<BR>I have spent the last year blaming myself for what was wrong with our marriage. I was beating up on myself for nothing. The truth is that I did more for our marriage than most people would.<BR>The only thing truly lacking in this marriage was a Husband and father. Sad but true. Yeah I could have done things differently. But I didn't do anything wrong.<BR>My husband has changed. He has grown and he has become the person I always knew he could be. <BR>He asked me if maybe there was too much damage done. He may be right.<BR>For those who say that the OP has nothing to do with it - that is CRAP!!!!!<BR>This bimbo plyed her wares for years and I stood by and believed that if I just ignored her he would catch on. Big mistake.<BR>She saw her "in". She used. I could go on and on about what she did, but the point is that she is not innocent and she had more to do with our marraige problems than I did.<BR>I feel very sad but somewhat relieved that I have finally admitted the truth to these things.<BR>I guess my point in writing all of this is to remind the betrayed to quit beating up on themseves. You can make yourself a better person for yourself. You were probably pretty fantastic to begin with. The betrayer is not the only one at fault. I know there are plenty of you that will disagree with me here but I've seen too much to believe in OP innocence anymore.<BR>Goodbye, good luck, and take care of yourselves.<P> <BR>

Wasstubborn,<BR>Hate to see you go since you give such good advice, but if you feel it is your time, then that's good. <BR>I do agree with you that in alot of cases the OP is just as guilty. Some of them, not all, are predators. My H's OP is a predator. H is not the first married man shes been involved with. I think she's the type that thrives on the conlict and in the process she has almost destroyed my marriage. I do blame her to.<BR>Thanks for all of the help you have given so many people and the best to you.<BR>Mitzi<BR>

Wasstubborn,<P>I really needed to see that post today. I beat myself up on a daily basis. Sure, I wasn't perfect, but I was a pretty darn good wife. There was no reason for my H to do this to me and our children. My ex tells me the OW had nothing to do with this, it was all these things about me he couldn't take. I'm sure you've heard the list. The funny thing is, until the OW came along, he sure seemed to love awful me. This OW is a predator, I'm sure, she left her H for another man, and I think she has had several affairs before my H came along. From what I have been able to figure out, she came on to him and he resisted for a little while. Unfortunately, he gave in and now he's crazy about her and I don't matter at all. I will try to stop beating myself up, I've seen a lot worse wives than I was and their H's seem to be sticking with them.<P>AD

Wassi (as fighter used to say), <P>Interesting set of realizations you came to. I agree. Basically, bad things happen to good people. For the most part, I think infidelity is a symptom of a failing marriage. For some reason, some marriage partners get swept away into the clutches of this monster and they can't find their way out. <P>I liked your take on the betrayed beating themselves up. I suppose we all go through that - some more than others. We stumble around trying to fix every aspect of our marriage when in reality only a few things were wrong. But, even still, fixing those few things is no guarantee that we will be successful. We do our best. We live without any regrets. And we hold our head high knowing we gave our marriage everything possible. You certainly have done that. You're a good lady, wassi. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.<P>Best wishes to you. <P>SHA

I am really, truly sorry to see you go, as I've always followed your story closely whenever you posted and have always appreciated your helpful advice and observations. I am especially happy that you really seem to be healing your marriage and getting your husband back. Success stories like yours give hope and inspiration to the rest of us. You deserve your knick and your stubborness (or sheer determination!) sounds like it's starting to pay off. I am also happy to hear that you've decided to stop blaming yourself for what happened. I couldn't agree more that the OP has to share a big part of the blame. And if an OP like my W's OM is also married, then they have a double sin to atone for, cheating on their spouse and causing someone else spouse to cheat! Anyway, we'll miss you tons. Regards, blessings and a BIG farewell hug from<P>--Wex

Mitzi<BR>Thanks if I ever feel like I have an ounce of good advice I'll show my face again.<P>AD<BR>You go girl. Remember all the great things about you. Even if he doesn't! Keep telling yourself you're great and don't beat up on yourself. OK? <P>Sir HA<BR>Darn you made me cry. I haven't been called a good lady for a while. Thanks! <BR>My marriage was failing the minute H met the bimbo. I know that now. Oh heck it was failing for a long time. But I did everything I could for years. I know that now.<BR>I don't know that I believe that infidelity is a symptom of a failing marriage necessarily. I think in my our case it was a symptom of a failing realism in my H. Stopping there my friend as I could get into a vent.<BR>Loveya!

Wex<BR>I'll lurk. I want to be a success story but at the moment I'm not. <BR>Keeping an eye on you <BR>Thanks!<BR>

wasstubborn,<P>I see alot of wisdom leaving this forum. There are certain people I faithfully read and yours is one of them. It takes a long time to work through the initial hurt to be able to see things somewhat clearly. I realize eventually all must go but I know it is our loss. I can't go yet myself, I still need the support I gain from the insight from folks like you.<P>Thanks for all the input you've given me, I couldn't of survived without your running through the gauntlet before me!<P>Blessings, Taj<P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18

Wasstubborn,<BR>I too am sorry to see you go. I will miss your good advice. I think your post was very accurate - Pittman also says that infidelity is not a symptom of a failing relationship, but due to the betrayer feeling like a failure. I, too, think I was a good wife - far from perfect, but I know that I was far better to him than he was to me.<BR>

Well, Wassi, here's goodbye and best of luck from another one who will truly miss your insight. <P>If you ever find you need us, please stop by. As for advice, I've always found yours to be solid.<P>Wishing you a lifetime of happiness, getting richer each day...<P>Lori

Hi Wasstubborn,<P> I'm sorry to see you go...and like you I have beat myself up like crazy trying to make this work. It's been a yr. since discovery and my H still blames me and points out my shortcomings , he has to have an excuse, you know? We are in recovery ,supposedly ,and counseling with Steve H but it seems like no matter what I do or don't do nothing changes. I don't care what he says, I know the truth, I WAS a good wife , sure have my faults but doesn't everyone?I've come to realize so much of this has to do with his unhappiness, mid life crisis or whatever...I will keep plugging away but I refuse to keep beating myself up...LU

Well Pal, I'm sorry to see ya go..... but I think you are right. I've stopped beating myself up too. It's time to realize that I did what I could, I did more than a lot of people would have, and I am a GOOD PERSON. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination.... but I've always been the best I could be. <P>You have my e-mail. I'd like to hear from you from time to time, and you know you can always come back and visit!! Give us an update now and then. You'll never know how many times you helped preserve my sanity when I thought it was time to commit myself, and how much your prayers, thoughts and words ment/mean to me.<P>Thoughts & Prayers always,<BR>Butterfly<BR><P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

Wassi,<P>Sorry to see you go! You have given us alot of great advice and some great laughs too!<P>I am continuing to pray for you to be a success story (and sooner rather than later, too!).<P>Best of luck to you and your marital recovery...<P>Desiree<P><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Wassi,<P>You have got mail. Again I missed the post before I sent it. That's me a day late and a dollar short. Story of my life.<P>I will miss you so much here. Your advise, wisdom, and ability to lift others up will be a huge void here. You tell it like it is lady. <P>You are a wonderful lady. You have been a friend here to all that needed you. I remember really identifying with you because we had a similar situation. You helped me hang in here at home and not give up when I wanted too.<P>I wish like you I could say I was a good wife. I wasn't. I fell short in many ways. Yes, so did husband. He still says 95% of the blame for him having (yeah, having) to have an affair lies in me. At times I disagree with him but, at most times I feel he is right. I rationally know in my head he is wrong but in my heart I feel he is often right. When we discuss this he is pretty convincing.<P>I do know though that he wasn't a good husband either. Praise the Lord that is changing. We are both changing.<P>If my taking most of the responsibility for what he did is what it takes to make this all work then that is what I will do. Who is responsible is not really important in the long run. The end is...not the means to the end. I will take it all. Only that "Taker" in me as Harley refers to it is the part of me that has a hard time accepting that.<P>I will miss you here my dear, as I know the others will. Thank God most of your old posts are still around. They are aren't they? I sure hope so. That way others can learn from it.<P>I hope I am still welcomed in your e-mail box and you don't get tired of me?<P>Go from here in peace and love. You are a success story and I just know that all will be well for you and your husband. <P>You are an inspiration to all of us betrayed here and the betrayers too. You have shown us all that with hard work and perseverance that coupled with help from the good Lord that we can accomplish our goals and have wonderful lovely marriages that are a blessing to all involved. Don't ever forget that you helped us all come to that conclusion.<P>God blessed us with you. You are just another Angel here on earth. Thanks for being you.<P>Bye...I am feeling choked up now. <P><B>HAVE A WONDERFUL AND STUPENDOUS LIFE</B> You and yours deserve it.<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<P>

wasstubborn -- I am sorry to see you leave this way. I don't think I really mind when someone leaves this forum as a success story, but seeing someone leave feeling beaten by infidelity brings a great deal of sorrow.<P>Remember that we are always here if you need us. You will be in my prayers.<P>God bless

WS...<P>I'm gonna really miss you. It seems that our situation was a bit similar and you always gave me some great & helpful advice. You are a great support person.<P>I do agree with what you are saying....I believe that the OP is equally responsible. They have a mind of their own and could have refused if they wanted to.<P>As you already know, my H's ex-OW was a bar-slut who just didn't know when to give up. Her attempt at contact after 9 months post discovery and end of the affair really pissed me off. I swear, some people never learn from their mistakes. Infidelity makes me want to vomit!<P>Anyway, if you happen to lurk, please update us sometime to tell us how you are progressing. I wish you a bright and hopeful future. Thanks again for your support. You are a real fine lady!

WS,<BR>You were one of the first here to reach out to me and even "told me like it was"... <BR>Your advice has met alot to me and so many. It has been a pleasure to "know" you my friend. You have my e-mail!<P>luv and gratitude,<BR>Kyra<P>------------------<BR>For I know the thoughts I think<BR>toward you, saith the Lord,<BR>thoughts of peace, not of evil,<BR>to give you an expected end.<BR>Jeremiah 29:11

Wassi, my friend I can't believe the time for you to go has come. I have been wondering if I shouldn't depart as well but for different reasons. I will miss you and think about you on my birthdays and other days that remind me of how much we share! Know that you have my e-mail address and that I am looking to hear from you. I will write after the baby has come as well. I know that your probably will continue to lurk but I still read this page because of you, SHA, Connie, and others who helped me so much at the beginning. Know that I consider my success OUR success because of all that you guys have taught me! May the sun always be on your face, the rain always on your back, may the road come up to meet you, and know that I will always be on the path. God Bless you, my friend!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!

Wassi,<P>Do you know how many times I have seen this thread, opened it, read the replies, and closed it again? I don't want you to go.<P>Is that selfish? I really don't want you to go. <P>Feel our prayers, Wassi. Feel them. <P>You are loved.<BR>tnt

WS,<BR>Hey girl,,,,,,,I'm trying to E you but my hotmail is down.......so hope tomorrow it comes back......we can talk over a Pizza? <BR>This is another bump in the road. They fix those pot holes come Spring!!!!!! If we hope hard enough.....maybe the Bimbo will fall in one and never get out? oops...black top all over her. <BR>You can see how everyone will miss you,,,,,just take a break. Or Maybe you need to stop your mind about others for a while and get back to totally YOU. There is nothing wrong with that.....That is why I don't come around as much anymore. <BR>Talk to you tomorrow.<P>AH<P>--------<BR>TIME <BR>