I just wanted to let you know that I believe even more now what you said about the OP being at least partially responsible for the affair. My H's OW called me today and told me among other things that she had been trying to get him for 2 years. Now, I am less angry at him. She is definately a predator. I makes me sick to know that shortly after our 3rd child was born she had her sights set on my H. I feel kinda dumb that I didn't figure it out before it got outta hand. <BR>Now I have to figure out a way to win him back!

I'll miss you and I thank you very much for your many words of wisdom. Even though I'm separated again, my H wants to reconcile--and I feel there is too much damage. This attempt of his is just that, an attempt not an "accomplishing".<P>I too have watched you wade through reconciliation, miles ahead of me as I'm stuck on the merry-go-round. I've always hoped you would make it.<P>So many best wishes... <P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)

Wow! Thanks for caring everyone.<BR>a quick note to each of you and then I'll expand a little on why I need to leave at least for now. <P>Taj<BR>I'm glad you aren't leaving. You have experience yet need the support. I have been following you too. Keep it up <P>Nellie<BR>I pray each day that your H becomes the man you deserve. If he doesn't I hope with all my heart that you find the happiness you deserve from this life that you have given so much to others in.<P>Lori<BR>Remember that Saturday when we seemed to be the only ones at the forum? I just babbled - I was so worried about you. See how far you've come? I think of you and smile everytime I see a pinecone or eat a poptart. (Strawberry is my fav.)<P>Lu<BR>I'm so sorry your H is still justifying. Remember the truth and be good to yourself.<BR>I truly hope someday he will see the truth and admit it for you. You deserve it. It is not always wine and roses just because the affair is over. Hang in there.<P>Butterfly and Kyra<BR>I put you two spunky friends together because for some strange reason you are always together in my mind. <BR>You have both been a great help to me, made me smile, made me see things no one else could. Keep that spunk! You know where I am.<BR>BTW I made a visit to TOW board on New Year's Day. They were discussing the most memorable moments on the board in 1999. they were talking about a certain incident last June? Someone made history there. <BR>You know where I am.<P>Desiree<BR>The laughs! Yes girl they were important!<BR>Hang in there. Remember the laughs!<P>Samantha<BR>You are always too kind to me. And not kind enough to yourself. You went through a lot and I do think you were a better wife than you give yourself credit for. I'll talk to you later.<P>ES<BR>You are as always perceptive. I am feeling beaten by infidelity and life in general. Time to take a break.<P>No Trust<BR>I will be lurking and watching out for you. We do have a lot in common. Thank you for your words. I'm not feeling very helpful right now.<P>chick's<BR>I will be thinking of you on those same days. If I get myself together I will be back. I promise to share any good news.<P>TNT<BR>Lets call it a break okay?<BR>I don't have anything to offer right now. <BR>You know where I am too my friend.<P>AH<BR>A bump - yes. I think fatigue is starting to set in and I should find a rest stop. Thanks for the image of bimbo being covered by blacktop. <P>Mitzi<BR>Thank you for sharing that with me. There are all kinds of predators. There are the obvious ones, then there are the "poor little Me" ones. Which one does your's fit into? <P>Lor<BR>I am so proud of you and so impressed with you. YOU are going to make it!!!!<P><BR>I wanted to stay at the forum and be a help to everyone. I read a post that made me realize I am not a good example. I do not portray hope in the place I am in right now. This is my own problem.<BR>Upon discovery I swore that I would not let my H destroy himself or our children because of a dirty little tramp. That kept me going. In that area I did succeed. They have all survived this and are flourishing.<BR>The problem is that I lost too much of me in the process. there are some things about myself that I don't like very much anymore.<BR>I have lost my faith in humanity, my ability to look for the good in everyone, to trust and hope and believe in life. I am not the good person I once was. I don't like the bitterness and pesimism that is rooted inside. <BR>I have tried many times in the last weeks to respond at the forum but have had to delete because I have nothing to offer. That makes me sad.<BR>I am going to the docotor today to discuss what we can do as I seem to be sinking back to depression. the nightmares are back along with some other symptoms.<BR>If I ever feel that I can be of help or give hope to those here I will be back. There is nothing I want more than to be able to do that.<BR>I will be lurking. If any of you need something just call.<BR>Thank you all for everything.<BR>Sorry this was so long.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by wasstubborn (edited January 18, 2000).]

WS,<P>Kyra & I ..... together..... but of course! <BR>So, we made history on TOW for the year! GeeeWizz Ma, were we really that bad (or GOOD... as the case my be)?? <P>I do know where you are, and you know where I am... and remember....<BR><B>I can send a Fryin' Pan WHAMMY anytime!</B> <P>Take care of yourself.<P>Love Ya,<BR>B<BR><P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

Wassi,<P>I wanted to say one thing to ya before you go:<P>The bitterness and loss of faith in humanity to which you speak...these are in ALL of us right now. I do not think a person can be betrayed and NOT feel this way. I believe that you have not dealt with these feelings head-on, yet, and that is why they are overpowering you right now. You probably pushed them aside to do other work in support of your H and your children.<P>I am glad you are going to the doc and spending some time focusing on your own happiness for a change. You are TRULY a FANTASTIC person - good by every measure there is! I know that happiness is only a short distance away for you and I am hoping and praying with all my might that it willembrace your heart very, very soon!<P>I'm really gonna miss you!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Was,<P>While I am new and have not followed your entire story, I think your farewell letter shows you are at peace with yourself, and I am happy for you.<P>I have just gone through a similar situation, and I am trying not to beat myself up too badly. I know a lot of things were my fault, but a lot were not as well.<P>I think all betrayers are weak. Sometimes they do not have the strength to admit to problems in a relationship, or sometimes they just internalize everything, so they do not have to deal with it. (that's what my ex did) <P>But as soon as they have someone else in their life, all of a sudden there are a million things that they were not happy with.<P>You have problems, you deal with them at home. Running to someone else is just another form of running away and not admitting to your own issues. Try to work on your problems, if you succeed great, if not, then move on. But you don't line some OM or OW up on the side just in case it does not work out. What motivation is there to work on things?<P>Weak, Weak, Weak!<P>Remember, we can hold our heads up high, and live with ourselves. What makes OM and OW think the betrayer would not do so again?<P>Sorry if this is so negative, but I really don't think running to someone else ever solved any problems!