I'm having a REALLY BAD night. I can't seem to get into the feeling of Plan A. <P>I called my parents and told them everything. (bad idea!) Dad suggests I do extreme physical harm to OW. Mom offered to come take care of it herself! This is not the kind of support I needed from parents. <P>For those of you who missed my earlier post... I come from a family that's had lots of affairs. Usually the affair ended with OM or OW getting shot. I don't want to spend my life in prison because H is stupid!! There must be a better way to handle this...<P>I had such great plans and they seem to disolve before my eyes. How do I stay with Plan A when all I really want to do is hurt someone?<P><BR>

Hi Keosha, it's BECCA. Believe it or not your one up on me! At least your parents are upset and feel H deserves some kind of back lash. No such protectiveness here! Then again shooting is a wee bit harsh,huh? I had a lot of rage that was barely controlable and at times I still do. Actually at 5 in the morning after I found out about the affair I drove like a mad woman to OW house and when she opened the door I pushed her agianst the wall. Then her H stopped me. She was my friend/family. That was the last and only contact I've had with her. I sent a letter also after 6 mths of waiting for her to appologize for betraying me-- nothing. The obsession drove me mad. I would be terrified(still am) of bumping into her and killing her. The latter let me get it out and not with any physical contact to prevent the emotions from spilling out of my fists. I felt better the moment it hit the mail box. I actually wrote 4 letters over the first 5 mths a therapy, only sent one. It is awful and it's hard to believe the hating becomes less intense as time goes-9mths now. You could have your parents read some of the sites and keep the healing and support end of it with someone else you can trust. LIKE HERE! Violence will end and you will still be left with dealing with the pain. Focus on the plan and take care of your self. Be paitent it takes time and lots of it! I have a hard time with not LBing too! Take Care,<BR>BECCA

Thanks BECCA, it feels good to talk, even when the talk isn't good. Do you have a sister or best friend, anyone to talk with? It must be very hard for OW to be a family member. (did I understand that right?)<P>Sometimes I think I've got it licked, then suddenly it seems worse than before. I get dizzy with all the "turn arounds". Makes me think I'm loosing my mind, but of course I know better. <P>H is gone for a few days so maybe I can vent some of the rage before he comes home. <P>I never thought of writing a letter. It really helps alot huh? I could never mail the letter. She would give it to H and since he doesn't believe he's doing anything wrong, it would put me in the position of "imagining things" again. <P>How can I be imagining it when he gets home from her house he calls her right in front of me! (yes, I have removed all firearms from the house) <P>I'm avoiding talking with parents or sister. Parents encourage violence and sister thinks I'm lucky it's not a "real" affair. No constructive encouragement from either of those sources. <P>Sorry I'm being so "down". It was easy to deal with when I hated him. Anger eliminates pain. Now that I've decided to do Plan A, it's a different ballgame. I didn't realize it would be such a roller coaster ride. <P>I wish my parents would read the site and learn how to give me moral support. They aren't the type to do that. Maybe that's why this is such a emotional roller coaster, I was always taught to take action, to use force to get the desired result. I can't do that this time. I'm not a patient person and I feel like I'm going to explode trying to hold this in. <P>All my instincts tell me to set him down and tell him "here's the problem and here's the solution" then lay it out in detail. From what I've read here, that would do more damage than good, so I keep holding it in and trying to be the "good wife". I've been doing all the right things, favorite meals, smile and act confident, when he gets home I'm going to try to make love with him. That's a really hard one. His idea of foreplay is "why don't you come in here and get me off". Then about 2 minutes and it's over! <P>I almost wish he would have sex with OW. She'd toss him out in a minute! LOL<P><BR>

I know what you mean about no support from family. My parents' idea of support is offering to pay for a lawyer. I keep putting it off. They just don't understand how I could still love him after all that he's done.<BR>I know you feel like you want to explode. Deep breathing really does help calm you down. I was skeptical about it myself but now I find myself really inhaling and exhaling all day long. It sounds weird but it does work.<BR>Good luck,<BR>Mitzi