I answered the phone thinking it was my in laws and it was his voice. We talked about the who to get to sell the house. I told him I missed him and he said "Oh sweetheart" It was like a slip later on he told me nothing had changed. I told him I didn't believe him, he didn't really respond to that.I asked him to do something for me I asked him to go to a counselor he said he didn't know what to say to one. I told him that I went to one weekly and that we talked about different things about me how I felt thing I need to change in my life not about our marriage I lied a little but I don't have to unless I want to. He told me he would think about counseling. We talked some more about different things then I had to ask the question was he happy and of course he said yes he was. I asked how could he be when he hadn't seen Alex since he was a month old. I told him that just today when I picked up Syler that he had yelled grandfather I asked him what he was doing he said he can hear my voice and he will come home. Jim then asked to talk to daughter I told him that she was busy with Alex and I would get her when she was finished. I then talked to him about job interviews I told him about different things insurance what I was trying to do with Patrick and my job then I told him that I was going to have trouble paying my part of the house payment. He told me that he was taken another paper route. I said what kind of life was he living that was it better then what we had. He had said that they don't get to bed till after 4:00AM then get up at 11:30 then they leave for work at 4:30 PM. He works nights with her gets off at 1:00AM then deliveries papers till 3:30 or 4:00 AM. Better no way. That was part of the problem of course they are together every moment. We couldn't be. He then told me tell Jennifer hi for him, I said just a moment she was finished with Alex. I told him that I love him and I can't even remember what he said. I was trying so hard no to cry. I did tell him sometime in this conversation when he wanted to talk to Jennifer that he always did this when I hit the truth he would run away.<P>I was not ready for this it was a total shock. I had just got home from work. I know I didn't do very well. Things came out that I had not wanted to say. But I did say it calmly. I guess later tonight I will call my in-laws to see what they say. We need an icon with tears. I am so scared that he won't come back. I did say that we needed to get together and talk of course he probably thought I meant about the house. He told me to call him when I came to E. I told him we need to set a time but we never did. <P>I don't even know how I feel I guess numb is the word, but the tears well up but they don't really fall. I want this to be over will it ever end. I guess I delude myself that things will be allrigth then to have him say that nothing has changed. I feel so horrible. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Di,<P>Take it easy... <BR>Catch your breath... <P>You did what came to you naturally...<P>Never beat yourself down... I won't!!!<P>You did better than your think... First off... there was no discussion of the house... pushing that off is good!<P>Give it time...<BR>Working with the one you love(or think you love) isn't all it's cracked up to be...<P>I got to go now... son wants to get on...<P> <P>Love... Jim

Oh, Diana, I'm so sorry. How is it they can knock us off balance so easily? I'm sure you were shocked as h*ll to hear his voice. But, why DID he call? He certainly must have known that you would be home at that time of the day. Did he tell you the purpose of the call? Under the circumstances, I think you did great! So what if you said some things you wish you hadn't. You remained calm, and that's what counts.<P>Sounds to me as though he still has feelings for you, even if he's trying to delude himself.<P>Hang in there, okay? See what the inlaws have to say.<P>I'll be praying for and thinking of you.

Diana,<P>Honey, a large part of why your are upset is that you talked to him and you weren't expecting it!<P>OK, there was some LBing, but not too bad. Here are th positives I see:<P>1) He called. Anything he said could have been done in a letter or when he just saw you at Christmas. But, out of the blue he decided to call you....!<P>2) He called you "Sweetheart"????? God, I would PAY to have someone call me that right now! Maybe a slip of the toungue, but you only slip what your're thinking, my friend.<P>3) He said he would consider the counseling. Well, heck that's better than NO. <P>4) He told you to call him when you get to E. Honey, I'd get to E. as soon a spossible and have him meet you to talk. It is time for you two to start talking, Diana. Reach out as his friend. Remember you moved so quick, and he probably thinks you don't want to deal with all this, either. <P>5) He reached out to Jenn. That in itself shows he is getting more "normal". It took alot for him to ask to speak to her after all that has passed between them. I think he is showing some little bit of sense here.<P>Now, he said nothing had changed. Well, what would you expect him to say??/He wouldn't call you out of the blue and then say things had gone to hell and life with her sucks and he made a huge mistake and he wanted to come home that very minute! HEY>>>>I wish he would say that and come to think of it, I wish my H would say that, too! No, he'll never say that. But...I think this was a tentative "feeler" to see how you would take it.<P>Diana, you need to think about going to E. and meeting with him. You need to think about having some contact with him back. If you do, act CONFIDENT! If you don't portray yourself as confident, how can you expect him to feel it is possible for a reconciliation???<P>Keep praying!!!!<P>Luv ya, Desiree <P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

{{{{{{Di}}}}}}<BR>I agree with RMA, he didn't have to call. You got the idea of counseling out there, so hopefully he will SERIOUSLY consider it. He seems to be making himself a little more available to both you and Jenn. That's a good sign. Take care and don't beat yourself up. See what the in-laws say about the phone call. My sister always says "If he was so happy, you wouldn't be worth the time it takes to contact you." His life doesn't sound that great to me even if he does get to see her. Keep your head up - you did fine. I am keeping you in my prayers.

di,<P>Hold on tight this ride we seem to be on is a doozie. I have been assured it will end, and we will be better because of it.<P>You words yesterday were so true.<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Just don't get discourage. You will have times when you do good and other times well we won't even go into those.<P>I know there were a lot of time I felt like God's wasn't answering my prayers. But he does like you say in His time. <P><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Desiree is right I have come to trust her opinions.<P>Hang in there.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Okay, update I called my in-laws. MIL told him that he needed to contact me about the house. He told her he knew needed to but there was always someone aroung and she hangs over him when he calls anyone. He asked if he could call me from there. She told me that she really didn't ask any questions because she couldn't handle it right now, I told her that was okay I didn't blame her she needed a break too. We all agree that he is not our Jim that this is a different person. I know when I was dating many thousand of years ago and we went through this with our daughter that if you can't be your self with someone then it doesn't last. You can't keep up the front very long because you get tired very tired and something has to give. BUt sometimes it take a very long time for it to happen. I told my ILs that I would not even do anything until next Aug. The thought thatwas a good time to rethink things. This time he didn't talk about OW, or her family he talked about people at work. He even talked to me about some of the people at work that I knew. <P>Jim, thanks I went out with Jennifer to get some things from the store so that gave me a breather. It is rough tonight because I have a big interview tomorrow Say some prayers that this is a job I might want and if it is that they offer it to me.<P>Sidney,<BR>Thanks for the email. He called to talk to me about finding another realitor for the house. <P>Desiree,<P>I definitely wasn't expecting it. The caller id was his parent house and we didn't think he would be there. He surprised them to day. Yes he could have written me but I knew his mother was wanting him to talk to me. I wanted to see him in person but I still have that chance. He does want to see me the next time I go to E. Dr. appointment is not till Feb 15. BUt our contract with the agent for our house is up Feb. 1 so I may have to deal with that soon.<BR>I will beleive counseling when he tell his parents he is in it. I bet you, OW will talk him out of it. He has aked to see the boys but he wants her tocome there she said she would call him when she goes to see her friend but I know that won't be any time soon. He says he doesn't know if he could come here. I bet OW won't give him the car to come here because I am here. I know he won't tell me he wants to come home now because there is no home to come to. I want to bite my tongue when I asked him if he was happy, talk about slipping out I knew what he would answer. It just came out before I could stop it plus telling him I didn't believe him when he said his feeling were the same that he didn;t have any for me. We talked a lot about me getting a job. I also told him that I didn't have enough money to pay my part of the house payment this month. That is when he told me he had another paper route, of course I told him why I didn't have enough money, worked only three days out of 10 and had to pay house insurance. <P>Student wife thanks for the prayers. I know he didn't have to call he could have left everything up to me as he did in the past. Yes he has made his self available to all of his family. But when he left his mother asked when she would see him again and his comment was in 5 to 6 weeks. Last time he called collected so she must be giving him fits hope!hope!<P>Bill,<BR>I always hate it when my words come back to haunt me. It is just after 10 months after discovery and 6 months after he left I am ready to get off of this ride. <P>I knew I could count on you all to help me throught this. I don't know what I would have done with out you all.<P><BR>{{Hugs}}<BR>Love<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

up to the top!<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

di,<P>Prayers for your interview.......<P>I've come to realise that for me this has become a phantom roller coaster and the ride will be over when it's ready...lol<P>Good luck to ya today...<BR>I'm sure you won't need luck...you're a great ladie and that will come shining through.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR><p>[This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited January 18, 2000).]

Oh, Di, I am sorry. But you didn't do too bad.<P>It's hard to pull your thoughts together when you're NOT expecting to hear from them.<P>I'd expect him to say things were better. He's not at the point to admit that they're not to ANYONE, especially you, even if HE has doubts now. <P>I know how tired you must be. This is a long hard job. But you're doing so well and he may just turn around yet.<P>Take care of yourself, ok? That's the most important thing.<P>Lori

Di,<P>I'm praying for your interview too. <P>Jim

Hi, Diana...Sorry I'm late as usual. I am thinking my most positive thoughts about your interview. I also apologize because I have been way to busy to get you the job ads we talked about in Denver. I have a Sunday employment section in my office right now, but haven't had the time to scan in the appropriate listings. If something doesn't happen today, I will get on that as soon as I get back home.<P>I know life is very rough on you right now, but it <B>will</B> get better because you really deserve it.<P>My love and thoughts are with you and the hugs will arrive shortly.<P>--DeWayne--

Diana,<P>Big hugs {{{{{{Diana}}}}}} and am saying extra prayers for you. Good luck on the interview.<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<P>

Update: The job interview what at bummer. The job was a telemarketing job in person. You went to business in an area telling them you were there to check their long distance services. Making sure they had the last rate from AT&T. If you got them to switch to AT&T or up got a rate decrease or added to their service great that is what you wanted. No base salary only commissions. No way we lived off commissions. I am not a sales person. <P>Back tot he drwing board. I would like to go home to my house, to my old job and most importantly back to my H or rather I want him to come back. I really don't know how much long I can deal with all of this. But then what will I do, deal with it some more. I gues I blew it when I quit my job and moved. But you know I didn't realize it at the time but that is in SAA Of course that is in plan B and i am working on plan A but he was plan Bing me anyway when he left. I keep trying tolook at the positives here but it is getting harder and harder. We did talk about other things I really didn't want to push. I let him know I missed him, I talked about counseling, tried to make him see that he was hurting others without love busting and I told him that I still loved him. I really think he was lying to me about be where he was, and the comment about no feelings for me then why the Christmas card Love always to Patrick sure! That is the way he always signed his cards and letters to me. The slip "Oh sweetheart" When he is be careful what he says he calls me by name. He has gained 10 lbs or more he want to see me when I am back in E and he told his mother how proud he was on the amount of weight I lost. In August he hardly gaveme the time of day except to tell me to get over him. Can I keep on going well it would be a lot easier with a job and a house. He was really interested in how I was doing looking for a job. You know his life stinks he told his parents he doesn't walk anymore He loved to walk at the mall to keep his weight down. He hates weighing so much. I know he still is in LaLa land he is begining to have his eyes opened but not all the way yet and not enought. I am so glad I have all of your support to help me through days like this.<P>Thanks to all of you for the good thoughts and prayers. They do help.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Friend,<P>So, why don't you think about re-applying for a job where you used to teach. Then, you could move home. That would solve several of your most pressing problems right now. Your depression would be greatly helped, too.<P>Now, why not write to Jim and tell him to meet you on X date at the house an dyou wil bring the boys, too. Don't wait for Jenn to do it. There is your perfect excuse!! He can meet you at the house or somewhere else and tell the OW he is going to see his grandkids, which is true. <P>Diana, there is more to this story than meets the eye. What can you lose??? He is already living with her! If nothing comes out of this, you lose nothing more than you have already lost. <P>Please think about it!<P>Desiree<P>PS Sorry the job didn't pan out, but maybe that is God's way of urging you to re-apply for your OLD JOB!<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Desiree,<P>I wish it was that easy but my position was filled and there are no openings. It isn't easy to be rehired in a teaching position. I have been checking the ads in E ever so often but it is not a place to find employment. To get my teaching job it took me 6 years of subsituting before ther was an opening. Also E is not growing an all and I also know hhe needs to be as far as he can away from her if he ever leaves. No I let my pain and pride get the better of me. No, I really don't want to go back to E. i haven't liked it there for a very long time. I think the best thing would have been if we would have left 4years ago, but Jim was afraid to take that step. I think for to have any chance at all we can not live there. <P>I just wish I knew if I am grasping at straws but it has been a long time since he called me sweetheart plus the tone of his voice gentle and hurtsounding. Maybe I am seeing things where there is nothing but if it is a baby step, Alex takes bigger ones then this and he doesn't even crawl yet. <P>Well part of my problems is getting motivated I guess I will spend most of tonight type letters. I probably could have any old job but I want one that will last for a while and that will pay enough so I can get a place of my own.<P> <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Diana, <P>I understand about the job, but you have to consider what you need right now, too. The money crunch is really bad. Living with Jenn is really getting to you. Patrick is unsettled. You and your H are already paying on the house and nobody is living in it AND the market seems pretty soft. If that is true, the chances of you selling it very soon are not that good. Youcan still keep the house on the market and live in it at the same time. If you can't get your eaching position, you could substitute or apply at a neighboring district ( one in commuting distance) or just take another job. The one you have now isn't all that great...surely you could find something comprable in E or the surrounding area?<P>While doing this, you could still be looking for something else somewhere else. But, a little bit of the pressure could be taken off you, because you would be in your own place and Patrick could be more settled. This could afford you the opportunity to interact with your H, too. He might come around you, if you were closer. You know he doesn't have a car and can't get to you even if he wanted to. He might come around just to see the grandkids if they were down visiting you. All reconciliations have to start SOMEWHERE. <P>I really believe he has made a tentative feeler here, Diana.<P>Somethings to think about. <P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Desiree,<P>I have thought about this alot and if I thought there was any chance fthat I could find a job In E I would be there faster then it take to post. But there really isn't anything and substituting will not pay enough to make my part of the house payment let alone the rest of the bills. E is small about 60,000, the main business is oil field and wheat farming. The communities around it are well probably the largest is about 15,000 and the smallest is 100 I can't even commute from the city it is a two hour drive. However, I will keep looking. Of course right now he is paying the utilities on the house. I am sure he would stop if I moved back in. One of the reasons I left is because I was afraid I would run into them. We only have one mall and that is where everyone shops. <P>My post are so long winded. Anyway you see I have thought about it. Alot!!!!<BR>I called up the paper's web site and checked the classifieds I found the perfect job they want dancers make 500 to 1,000 weekly. DOn't you want to come and check it out with me?<BR>------------------<BR>di<P><p>[This message has been edited by SDS (edited January 18, 2000).]

OK,<P>But we can't give up just yet. We need to keep brainstorming.<P>SOMEBODY ELSE>>>>we need some more brain power here. Di and I have exhausted our half brains here! <P>Is there anything through oneof the oile companies - a training position? Or even an entry level job that could get you in the door to apply for something better later??? How about opening a day care in your home? Is there a hospital nearby - there might be something there for a trainer or some other position. What about two jobs? A FT one and a little PT one to help out until you can get something better? A banking position? I don't think you start out getting much, but they must pay OK because they keep people hired. Post office? civil service job? Keep thinking! Even if you don't go back to E, you can use thes ideas to help you where you are.<P>YEAH, what about the state? Any positions with civil service? Surely you must be qualified for something with your years of experience as a teacher. The benefits with states are usually pretty darn good. Maybe there are some county agencies that have openings, too, in your area. I think you can find the state job listings on the internet.<P>I just want to help you find a job so much, Diana. I know that one thing would do so much tohelp you, although I have to say you are coping with all this so much better than I think I would!<P>Love ya, Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>