Hey everyone...Well i did not contact "E" today. He sent me a few messages but i just deleted him. I blocked him from my home computer, but it isnt possible at work. I am finding this very difficult, and i dont have anyone or anyplace but her to vent. I have not told one of my friends about my situation. I find myself constantly thinking about him, and i cant stand myself for it. How do i make myself forget him? I have inly know him for 2 months, and he is a large part of my everyday life...just saying that makes me cringe.... i'm so confused

First off, congratulations on getting through today! Believe me, I do know how hard that is, and the strength it took. You may not believe this, but it does get easier - you know you've come along way when you can't imagine calling or writing him for any reason. But what that shows me is that you have the determination to save your marriage. Good for you! <P>Now, when you get a little more used to your choice to give E up, you'll be ready as you ever will be for step two. Talking to your husband.<P>Now, take it easy, there, girlfriend, I am painfully aware of just how intimidating this is. I planned somewhere in the back of my mind to NEVER tell my husband, Jason, about a thing. But I'm just not a deep well for those kinds of secrets - not from him, who can see right through me. And in the end, I have to say that as hard as it was to tell and go thru the healing afterwards, it was worth it. It would have eaten me alive inside and I would have never been able to forgive myself or look him in the eyes straight again. That's no way to live in a marriage or to live your life! At least if you do tell, there is a closer end inside to paying the consequences of your actions.<P>But like I said, ONE STEP at a time! That's all anyone can handle, right? <P>Ok, I'll only ask you this one more time, did you ever go back and at least read the replies to your other posts? I've been off and on all day today and didn't see you reply. It would be nice to know what you're thinking! How are those wheels turnin? I smell smoke but I don't see a fire! <P>Khyra, the Concerned and Demanding <P>

Like Khyra, I would like to offer my congratulations. I know it is hard, but I would take it one step further in saying that it is imperative that you come clean about this to your husband. I can only guess what he is feeling at the moment, but I'm almost sure that he at least has a pretty good idea that something is wrong.<P>Having just been through one of these Internet affairs, I could see the thing coming, in the beginning I was sure that it wasn't an affair, but my wife was withdrawing more and more, and was spending way too much time on-line talking to her "pen-pals". I didn't do much about it then, but the seed was planted and it grew. I had a very hard time, suspecting a lot of things, but shying away from thinking that MY WIFE could have an AFFAIR!<P>Even after I discovered the whole truth by reading my wife's email, I didn't say anything for a while, desperately hoping that my wife would have the guts/decency of telling me herself. She however, at that time was completely hooked by this guy and continued her double life. After a week I couldn't take it anymore and confronted her with the facts, and we had a tremendous fight. But after that the air was cleared, and we were on the way to recovering, except my wife still had to go through with it and find out that this guy wasn't after anything else than sex! She's regretting letting herself be suckered into this mess, do yourself a favor cut all ties to this "E" guy, before it's too late.

SadMan,<P>Hon, read my post again. <P>Rememeber, emphasis at this point is on stopping. As a former betrayer, I grasp what are realistic and what are superhuman tasks. Doing one step at a time is realistic. Stopping, telling, and righting the wrongs in the marriage all at once is SUPERHUMAN, impossible and wreckless!<P>Tripp is about to take a big step. She needs to gather strength and courage to do this as soon as possible. Very often, by the time one has an affair, most of that person's coping and managing resources are stretched and spent. <P>So, yes, she should tell, but I don't want her to feel uncontrollably overwhelmed. One day at a time, one step at a time. Who is it - Suse that says, "Rome wasn't built in a day"?<P>Good luck, Trpp, we're here for you!<P>Carrie

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Khyra:<P>Rememeber, emphasis at this point is on stopping. As a former betrayer, I grasp what are realistic and what are superhuman tasks. Doing one step at a time is realistic. Stopping, telling, and righting the wrongs in the marriage all at once is SUPERHUMAN, impossible and wreckless!<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Khyra, you're absolutely right. I came on too strong and I apologize. Take it in steps, however I still firmly believe that once contact with E is broken that T23 should move towards the next step, as soon as she's stong enough to do it.

I dont think my husband has any idea, because i dont use my computer at home, and except for the other night i don't call him from home either. I am home as much as possible, but i work full-time and go to school part-time. My "H" and i are getting along better lately than we have in a very long time. There are no more money stresses, and we are happier. That is why i don't understand my compulsion to ruin a wonderful relationship. I keep telling myself that there must be something that i am missing, but i cant seem to find it. I just got to work, and there were 6 messages from "E" i didn't read them, just deleted, but i know he is going to try to contact me today. I feel like i am swimming in very urky water right now...i know what i need to do, but it is amazingly difficult. I have not even seen him in person, but he is constantly on my mind...which by the way i think i may be losing!

Dear T23,<BR>I'm going through the same thing. I'm scared of giving in. I know it is hard. My prayers are with you. You're not alone.<BR>