Hi Everyone,<P>I posted awhile back that me and my husband were watching the tapes Mens are from Mars, Women are from Venus. We watched two more the other night: The Secrets of Passion and Mars and Venus in the bedroom. These two tapes were very interesting.<P>I wanted to share the 7 secrets he talked about:<P>1. Differences, he says to harmonize in the differences between you and if your with someone too much like yourself it will never work.<BR>2. Growth, you need to keep growing in a relationship. Repeatition becomes boring. We can't stay attracted to eachother and that sometimes we need to separate do our own thing and then bring something back to the relationship.<BR>3. Feelings, he says the definition of intense passion is feelings. If our emotional needs are not satisfied we lose touch with our feelings. After a time it becomes so painful that our needs are not being met that we try and say that really don't need them anyway and we disconnect from our feelings.<BR>4. Taking responsibility, healing and forgiveness. Be aware that it takes two to argue and it's never just one person's fault and then forgive for whats happened and heal yourself.<BR>5. Romance, keep the things going that you were going in the beginning of the relationship, don't take your partner forgranted.<BR>6. Friendship and fun. Go away together, relax, find time to talk and really enjoy eachother.<BR>7. Sex and monogamy. He say that sex is the way to a man's heart. Men feel rejected everytime their spouse turns them down. Men love quickies, even if your not in the mood, you should be with your husband. If a man doesn't get sex he starts to disconnect from his feelings towards his wife.<BR>8. Partnership, creating a life together, and that after we achieve happiness and fulfillness it will dry up if we don't do something we our love. Love needs a purpose and needs to serve, whether it's serving our families, our children, or the community, if you don't serve outside yourselves, it becomes selfish and love cannot grow and flourish.<P>I'll post later about the bedroom one. But I just wanted to share.<P>

Hello Hummingbird!<P>Well put and I think we can ALL learn from these fine words. I own every book he has written and refer back to them. I man with great wisdom and concern for human kindness.<P>Thanks for sharing!

Hummingbird,<P>Good morning and thanks for sharing that. How well those apply here. I will log them in the memory bank that is what little brain I have left. <P>How wonderful that you and your husband are watching these tapes together.<P>So again thank you for those "secrets".<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<P>

I can't wait untl I can apply all this new stuff I'm learning. <P>R has no idea that I now know what it takes to be a great husband.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Thanx, Hummingbird!!!<P>Alex

He also discussed mental, sexual and emotional passion. How it's up and down and how that sometimes it take alittle while to the wheels in motion but you do feel passion eventually.<P>He talked about having a soul mate and how sometimes we can make the wrong choice and if you do you won't be able to achieve your full range of potential in life. He said that sometimes we go back and forth trying to decide if we found that right person and one sign for him (he discussed his divorce) was that he was always forgiving his ex-wife for something, and when your with the wrong person you will always be hurt on some level. He said that sometimes we chose the wrong person to show us what we do need out of a partner and out of life.<P>When we chose the right person to share our journey in this life we can develop to our full potential and until then we have not learned to love and share our existence with them in a manner that allows us to grow and love.<P>He says a soul mate is there to support us in the most initimate level, nurture the relationship and the partnership is committed to love for life and that you can overcome any obsticle and become a stronger person when you are with the right person.<P>So what do you guys think of this?

Sounds to me he is using this explaination to justify his own failure to take his own advise. Please.<P>Sure, some choices are better than others. Some our toxic and when abuse is present...get out.<P>However, when we are experiencing difficulties, maybe our choices just look bad. <P>Every choice has pros and cons. There is no choice of a partner that has no down side.<P>And if you are always hurt (but there is no abuse) then maybe you are misinterpreting your partner or dwelling on the negative.<P>To sum this particular point up. Hogwash.<P>And it is incongruent with just about everything else you related he said. Hogwash!<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

that all sounds great! thank you for posting all of it.<BR>where did you get the tapes? can you rent them or did you have to buy them?

Amen, FHL.<P>Don't you just hate it when people who've failed in their own marriages or personal lives think they can tell us how to do it?<P>This is why I stay away from psychobabble books....especially if they contain horse patootey like this. Soulmates, indeed.<P>Three days reading this board will tell anyone that as soon as you think someone is your soulmate, it ought to raise a giant red flag that he'she isn't.<P>You know who was another one? Leo Buscaglia. This moron never had a sustained committed love relationship, but thought he could tell the rest of us how to do it.<P>Bah humbug.

(Hey, D&C - can ya tell us how ya REALLY FEEL about this?? lol)<P>I'm with D&C and FHL on the soulmate thing. What we commonly refer to as "soulmates" is two sets of gonads calling to one another and is a temporary phenomenon. *Fun*, but temporary! I'm not saying it's bad, or false; it is how many couples initially bond with each other. It can be "money in the bank" for a relationship (a memory that "yeah, we really did adore each other")... but it can also be dangerous when the nature of the relationship inevitably changes and disappointment leads one to believe that they're "no longer in love" and the marriage was a mistake.<P>A true soulmate relationship is made, not born. It takes time and maturity and nurturing. I'd never say that there are no bad marriages, but I'd lean toward believing that *most* of us make pretty good choices the first time out. But society gives us little, if any, training on the normal cycles and ups & downs of a marriage... and so many marriages, that were actually quite viable, *end* (and in the Stupid Olympics, I was an enthusiastic competitor... had an affair 6 1/2 years into my marriage with my gonad, um, "soulmate")(NOT).<P>There is a lot of psychobabble out there... but there is also a lot of good stuff... the trick is to look at it all with a jaundiced eye and try to separate the wheat from the chaff. Trust your gut. Bo Knows Horse-hockeypucks! <P><P>------------------<BR>~suse~<BR>Rome wasn't built in a day.<BR>

You know who your soulmate is?<P>He's the guy who when you say "My back itches" knows EXACTLY where to scratch, because it always itches in the same place, and he knows you well enough to know that.<P>THAT'S who your soulmate is.

Hi,<P>Soulmate and reaching full potential? Hmmmm, what if you keep getting it wrong? What if you think you've found your're soul-mate and then you decide later when things get bumpy that this really wasn't your soul-mate after all? <p>[This message has been edited by Bonny (edited March 10, 2000).]

DC:<P>Good definition of soulmate! Here's another one. A conversation between soulmates:<P>H: I was thinking about...<BR>W: But what about the dog?<BR>H: Maybe. But next week...<BR>W: Suzy could go to...<BR>H: And I'd ask the guys at work...<BR>W: Because the tire blew out and..<BR>H: Some more fertilizer for the garden...<BR>W: Yeah.<BR>H: I know.<P>Now THAT'S soulmates!

One of the things that I struggle with is the soul mate concept. God, I never gave it that much thought until the affair happened. Then because me and my OM were romantic with eachother and he flowered me with many beautiful words like true love, once in a lifetime love, soul mate, etc. I started questioning if I ever loved my husband, I started comparing how different I felt with my husband, how I felt this deep connection with my OM, how I could stare in his eyes for hours, how he touched my soul, was my best friend, knew my words without speaking, how he made me feel so special, like a princess and how compatible I was with him. If I ever really loved my husband, would this of happened to me or am I just a weak person? Is there just one person who's created just for you? <P>I've woken up to alot since everything has happened to me and I do believe now that we are compatible with many different people in this world but perhaps a small number that we feel that special connection. We fall vunerable when our emotional needs aren't being met but the most important thing is to stay committed to your marriage vows and your spouse.<P>I still question if my husband is the right person for me, do we really belong together. I wish I didn't have to ask myself that question, I wish I just knew in my heart and felt peace about it. <P>We have enjoyed watching the tapes together and somethings have really clicked with us and others haven't. If anything it's time we've spent together.<P>The tape on Mars and Venus in the bedroom was also interesting. Probably an entire different post. Me and husband actually laughed alot. But my husband agreed on alot on what he said. He talked alot about quickies and really emphasized how much men love sex. Of course my husband didn't deny that. But I didn't like the fact that he made me feel that I should never say no to my husband. That then a man feels like he's in prison in his own relationship because he can't go elsewhere, he even said that women should do "other" things if they don't feel like having sex, that it only takes 2-3 minutes and you give your husband a back massage if he wanted it so why not....<P>Of course my husband agreed to that too. Maybe I should never say to no him, but it's hard especially with everything we're going through.<p>[This message has been edited by Hummingbird (edited January 18, 2000).]

I too get bugged about A SOULMATE !<P>How come when ya feel "in love" they are a Soulmate and when you just love them, "they are oftentimes just your spouse ?"<P>I never refer to my husband as my soulmate...he's my Best Friend and the only friend I have any physical passion for.<P>-Tina

then why, if a husband has all these things from a wife - why is he still unhappy??????????<P>------------------<BR>Sad MOM<BR>

Hummingbird,<BR> OK, I'm going to rain on your parade here.Bear with me.My W's OM read all of John Gray's books,and preached a bunch of this"psycho-babble"to basically brainwash my W into leaving me for him.Before she met him,she never talked about"losing her identity",being"too co-dependent",being an"enabler",or not feeling"validated".He told her she needed to leave me to discover her"true inner self".Well,after her lifechanging revelation,and she left to be with the Marital Guru,I did some research on John Gray.Check out the website on:rebuttal from Uranus.John Gray says he has seen UFO's.He can heal the sick,and exorcise demons from possessed people.He studied with the Maharishi Yogi,who taught the Beatles.He became his personel assistant,but tells people in his books that he was a celibate"monk".He has made millions off of his books,tapes,seminars,and workshops.And all this from a guy who couldn't keep his own marriage together.Everytime I see a Venus and Mars book now,I want to puke.Sorry,just had to get that off my chest.<BR> --Murph