Ok, I've got my mug of sleepytime and am ready to spill.<P>I was picking Abbey up at Robins. We were chatting away and that LRB calls and R leaves the room. Talk about adding insult to injury.<P>This morning when I took Abbey over to R I was realy hopeing to catch LRB on the back porch. If he were there I would has spent the day in jail.<P>I have a hard time understanding how she wantonly has destroyed our family w/ no noticeable remorse.<P>Since I first talked to Steve I have executed a near perfect plan-a. My anger and resentment are almost to the point to haveing to write <B> THE LETTER</B>. I talk to Steve next friday.<P>It's just so damned hard most days. I feel like I'm the only person that see's what she's doing is wrong. Everyone else seems to be oh well thats how she feels. I hate these worldly attitudes.<P>Enough about me.<P>Are you nervous about tomorrow?<P>I have butterflies for you too.<P>Did you find a dress? An eye catcher I hope. Heads need to turn when you waltz into Ruth's Chris steak house. That always boosts a guys ego. I miss that.<P>Thanks for listening.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Bill,<P>OK, do you want more oreos???<P>I am very glad LRB wasn't around, 'cause I don't want you to go to jail. Please do me a favor. Call and get your appt. with Steve moved up, if you can. You are THERE, friend...I know that feeling, 'cause I am there, too.<P>About others not saying anything about R - No one else can care enough to invest the emotional energy required to worry about your marriage. That is why being here on this forum is vital to us...this is the only place that has people who can TRULY understand and empathize with our heartfelt pain. No other person can understand how the betrayal stabs you in the heart and the knife never comes out and keeps twisting and twisting and the pain goes on. After a while, for those of us with S's still betraying us, you just kinda get used to walking around with a big knife sticking out your chest. SIGH...it DOES suck, dear! But, you know, one day you might just have to pull the damn thing out yourself!<P>OK, about tomorrow night. Something is wrong or right with me. I can not say which. I am not afraid. I am not nervous. Maybe I will be tomorrow. I have a really snappy little number that I am wearing and I will get one or two looks - hope my H really SEES me!!!<P>I feel wierd and calm. I know that God has put this peace in my heart that I will make it. I keep telling myself to give this to God. I haven't gone through my usual obsessing, either. When we had the other date, I had done all the thinking ahead of time...planned what I was going to say and how I would respond if he said certain things, etc. This time, I have "rehearsed" nothing. I am going to try to let God lead this. I am preparing myself for the worst, though. I keep telling myself that he may very well say he is ready for the divorce. Do not get me wrong...I do not feel defeated by any means. If anything, I feel victorious and confident. Truly, I think that sums it up...I feel victorious and confident - no matter what the outcome.<P>Now, having said that, I will probably be a total basket case tomorrow night!!!!<P>Tell me something wonderful about Abbey.(This sould be eays!) Did she do anything particularly cute this weekend (of COURSE she did!)? What did you two do together??? Put your thoughts on something more pleasant!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Focus Desireesan, focus. Ay!<P>Ya know what is just so wierd. You mentioned about rehearsing lines in possible conversation with the S. Man, we all really do the same stuff. I did the same for the last night out with Val. If she says this, I say that. Failed miserably. It drove me nuts. Yeah, a rather short walk, but, still.<P>Put your energy into haveing a great night out with your H. You envision saying all the right things, doing all the right moves. Sweet, charming, loveable as always. Bring out the gem Desiree that we all know and see here. Don't flaunt it though. <P>Use the force Luke.. uh Des. Hope you have a blast. You certainly deserve it. <P>The Zipman Cometh...

I just may move up my appointment.<P>If H doesn't snap out of it they need to roll him away.<P>Robin had Abbey last weekend, I have her next. Saturday I'm taking her to Discovery Place, it's an interactive science museum. Sunday after church I'll take her to see Stuart Little.<P>As far as being cute...you have no idea...<BR>A three year old toe-head w/blue-gray eyes that talks better than my friends five yearold, with her mothers charm and my wit. My heart melts everyday. Everything she does is cuteness to the tenth degree. I don't know if you saw the news today. We had two inches of snow in the yard, her daycare was closed so I took the morning off. We went sledding in the back yard, it's basicly a hill, the back yard that is. When we came inside I told her she could play on the deck while I made us cocoa. I looked out the window and there she is laying on her back flapping her arms and leggs making a a snow angel. I cracked up laughing.<BR>It's been two years since she's seen snow, and she remembered snow angels. In case you haven't noticed I have the cutest and smartest child in the world... ...<P>You are right about MB being the only place where we are truly understood. My SIL reads over my shoulder and knows ya'lls stories and asks how your doing. She gets it. Thank God she moved in I need some company.<P>I feel better now thanks.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Tim,<P>Hey, you want an oreo, too????<P>What do you mean don't flaunt it????? HMPF!<P>If nothing else, I will have a great meal 'cause I am Cajun and can eat like a horse!!!<P>When, oh when, is ditzy little Val gonna call you????? I think we should start an on-line bet. I'll say before the week is out....<P>DEsiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

I forgot my SIL ate all of my oreos.<P>I'll take that bet. I say she makes him sweat until Saturday.<P>B<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Bill,<P>Amamzinghow your mood just lifted whenI gotcha to start talking about Abbey!! I am the queen of bait and switch! HEHE!<P>All right, you have me thoroughly convinced she is the bestest, beautifulest and the brightest! All true! I am ever so glad you are going to church this weekend. You need your soul nourished. Discovery museum sounds like fun, too. I know she will have a blast running all around and making you huff and puff to try to keep up with her! HAHAHA!!!! That's when you'll really curse how many cigarettes you have been smoking lately! <P>Snow angels..how darn cute! Oh, to be 3 years old and so innocent again. I think it is wonderful that your IL's (S & B) moved in with you. You needed that support, Bill, and I am sure the financial help is great too. Now...your mini lecture here...don't go spending any more money!!!!!! Get stabalized for awhile, here. Catch up financially, so to speak.<P>Yes, it would be helpful to talk to Steve sooner. You need the professional guidance and wisdom that only he can provide. {Of course, if <B>K</B> would come out of retirement, it would be alot cheaper than having to call Steve everytime we have a crisis! I know you are lurking, K! Just can't resist myself!}<P>Bill, do you feel any better, yet??? If not, tell me another story about Abbey. I never met a parent who couldn't soften any nager they were feeling, once they started talking about their little ones! Now, teens...that's another story! I'll stay up a bit longer in case you have something else you need to offload.<P>Desiree<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Des,<P>I am feeling much better.<BR>I'm getting ready to have my third cup of sleepytime...lol<P>My spending has stopped. In fact I balanced my checkbook and am getting my Quiken caught up.<P>Yes thats right someone in my family is at least acting responcible.<P>I did catch <B>K</B> lurking today...<P>I hear the tea kettle...<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Bill,<P>I think that it's great that you have family move in with you. What a cool deal. Seems like a fabulous support system for ya. Hi, Bill's SIL. Cute story about the snow angel Buddy.<P>STAY AWAY FROM THE LRB! The surgeon general has issued a warning that beating the stuffing out of same may be hazardous to your mental health. <P><BR>Des,<P>You say that Cajun is really horse meat? You can go to McDonalds and get that! Oh, wait, that was kangaroo. I keep getting my vegetables mixed up.<P>I must tell you that I take great offence to you calling my ditzy little Val, ditzy little Val! Only I can call ditzy little Val, ditzy little Val.<P>Then to even suggest we take bets on when my beloved will call me to arrange for a meeting. These are my feelings and marriage we are talking about, not a horse race. Ten bucks she calls Thursday after work.

Zippy,<P>SIL always asks about you. She,s pulling for ya. Her moneys on Friday...<P>I don't see that Surgeon Generals warning on this pack I just opened. I'm glad I don't smoke your brand...<P><BR>B<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

<B>Tim,</B><P>HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!LOL!!!!HAHAHA!!!!!<P>Ok, I'll put my ten bucks on Sunday...I think she's gonna make you sweat the whole weekend out! I know if I was in her shoes...I'd make you wait! <P>Oooooppppps! Did I really call your beautiful and intelligent wife...you know...the one with her head up her...uhm....uhm...well, anyway, did I really call her ditzy? Well, maybe so...Just 'cause I think she's too blind to see the new and improved version of Tim! <P>You really missed your calling, Tim...you would make a heck of a funny stand-up comic!<P><B>Bill,</B><P>Tell SIL the cookies are off limits! Cookies are private and personal things. Even my kids know not to eat Mom's cookies! I am eating some lemon ones, now. They are my new favorites.<P>Desiree <P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

OK,<P>SO if I'm following this correctly, we have Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Who's gonna hold the money? Any other takers?

Lemmon...cookies....<P>no...Brussle Mints...then Oreos in <B>ice</B> cold milk.<P>I did tell her to take it easy on my Oreos...<P><BR>B<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Tim,<P>Well, I am not about to put my $10 in Bill's hands...he be off to the electronic store like a shot! <P>Bill,<P>I have decided that you are not really a recovered drug-addict...just a shopaholic in disguise. You only used that stuff as an excuse to go out and SHOP and BUY some more! <P>Tim,<P>I think we ought to let Bill's SIL hold the money.<P>Bill,<P>Is she trustworthy??? There's $40 at stake, here!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Drugs are just a symptom of my disease.<P>I trust SIL...even if she's a recovering heroin addict...she doesn't have my compulsiveness...she can't get to Philly from here...she can hold the money.<P>In case you're wondering...we put the fun in disfunction...lol<P>B<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Ok, so SIL is out, too! LOL!!!!! SIL, just kidding!!!!<P>Sheryl, are you lurking??? I have been trying to draw you back in and you just won't come and play. We need someone to hold the money and I want it to be you. I know if you ran off and spent it, the money would go to a good cause - the new blue-green bedroom!!! Besides, we need to ante the pot...trying to make it bigger in case I win! So you need to put your ten bucks up and pick a day!<P>To all, I am going sign off now. I need my beauty rest for the big date tomorrow night. I have alot of prayers to say before I go to sleep. Actually, it is the same one over and over until I drift off...<P>Lord, Thy will be done...<P>Good night!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>