I dont think my husband has any idea, because i dont use my computer at home, and except for the other night i don't call him from home either. I am home as much as possible, but i work full-time and go to school part-time. My "H" and i are getting along better lately than we have in a very long time. There are no more money stresses, and we are happier. That is why i don't understand my compulsion to ruin a wonderful relationship. I keep telling myself that there must be something that i am missing, but i cant seem to find it. I just got to work, and there were 6 messages from "E" i didn't read them, just deleted, but i know he is going to try to contact me today. I feel like i am swimming in very murky water right now...i know what i need to do, but it is amazingly difficult. I have not even seen him in person, but he is constantly on my mind...which by the way i think i may be losing! ........He im-ed me at work today, i replied, but only to tell him i was too busy to talk... i am not doing very good today, and i feel like i failed an important test today!

Trippie,<P>Not to sound too harsh, but you did fail that test. Geez, didn't your hear the warning bells in your first post? You are playing with fire with no concept of how painful it is to recover from third degree burns.<P>I have been around this board long enough to see the pattern. I guarantee this will lead to an emotional affair and then a physical affair eventually. You <B>THINK</B> you can control it, but you can't.<P>If you are serious about saving your family and preventing shockwaves of pain to everyone around you what you need to do is bring closure to the relationship with E. <P>Simply tell him you realize that continuing to have contact with him would be detrimental to your marriage and you have decided to stop before any more damage is done.<P>Tell your husband that you began to develop feelings for an email acquaintance and that it scared you - that you fear there may be something missing in your marriage. Tell him how much you love him, that your sorry you started down a bad road, and that you are dedicated to finding out what is missing from your relationship with him so it won't happen again.<P>Love is not a feeling, it is a decision to seek the good of those who are affected by your actions. <P>Good luck and God bless you. I don't know if you are religious, but you can find a lot of help in the Bible. If you need more suggestions about talking to your husband let me know.