My H came home on Saturday afternoon instead of Sunday, due to quitting the hunting club over a disagreement with other members.<P>I didn't say anything to him at first because he was ticked off at the other camp members. Finally, he calmed down and asked me what the matter was.<P>I said, "Well, I'm just wondering why you're trying to kill yourself." H: "Kill myself? What are you talking about?" Me: "I'm talking about drinking and getting drunk when you have diabetes." H: "When was I drinking and getting drunk?" Me: "Last night, at the beer joint in R_____." H: "I'm tired of this s***! I'll just pack my stuff and leave!" Me: "I think maybe that's just what you need to do." <P>Needless to say, he put his clothes back in the closet, and asked, "What is your d____ problem?"<P>I told him that I had a couple of concerns. One was being afraid that his continuing to drink would kill him and the other was feeling hurt that he went to a bar/beerjoint without me (something he had agreed not to do, since his encounter with the STD Tramp was when he was drunk at a beer joint). I tried to use the "I feel" statements in telling him all this.<P>H: "Well, I guess I can't go anywhere without having you stuck to my butt." Me: "No, that's not it at all. I know that you're out and about all day every day and could anything you wanted to do then, but I have never insisted on a blow-by-blow account of your whereabouts. I just feel insecure about your going to a bar, especially when you get drunk, without me. I still can't trust that another one-night stand won't happen."<P>Anyway, I pretty much put my foot down. I told H that I had never been one of those wives who kept her H from going and doing whatever he liked. H said, "I know, and I do appreciate that." Me: "But, that was before my trust in you was destroyed. I'm not trying to be unreasonable. I've asked you to do several things to help me through this, but you haven't followed through on most of them, and I haven't pushed them. I do appreciate that you're staying away from Cafe Woman, and I do appreciate that you talk to me with more respect now. All I really insist on is that you avoid situations in which you could get involved with another woman. You can and will do whatever you want, of course; but, you need to understand that there is only so much crap that I can stand. I love you and want to continue working on our marriage, but I need a little more consideration on your part." <P>I also told him that if he continues to drink, I do not want to hear him complaining about how bad he feels all the time--that choosing to drink is aggravating his diabetes, which is what makes him feel bad. I told him that, considering he knows he's not supposed to drink, I now believe that he is an alcoholic. I told him that if he can't stop drinking, he needed to get help. I also told him that if he doesn't stop drinking or get help to stop drinking, I might not be around to nurse him when he is really down with diabetes. I did tell him that if he stops drinking and the diabetes worsens; then, of course, I would be there for him.<BR>Then, I walked off and started sorting through a box of photos. He sat down in front of the TV. After a while, I left, saying I was going to town for a minute. H: (nastily)"Well, you can go to town, but I can't go anywhere." Me: "Look, don't try pulling that "poor me" crap anymore. I'm not stopping you from going anywhere you want to go, but if you go to a bar/beer joint, I want to go with you. And, yes, I can go to town, unless you know of something I've done which indicates I shouldn't be TRUSTED to go to town." (Yeah, that was nasty, but I was still PO'd.)<P>Anyway, I was only gone about 15 minutes, and when I got home, H was fine.<P> 'Course, we had a helluva fight the next day...mainly because he does not ever want to talk about our problems. I think he picks these fights to keep from actually having to rationally discuss things. So....I'm planning to write him letters.<BR> <BR>Anyway, we're back to being sweet and loving toward each other. I'm feeling better, because I managed to let off a little steam.<P>Another thing I've been wondering about is that in the early years of our marriage, we argued and fought all the time, but the passion was very high. I think that I stopped fighting with him so much because of the effect on the kids, so.....I kinda wonder if maybe that is something he's missing...my "feistiness". I've been trying to do the Marriagebuilders Plan A and letting him know how much I love him and want to meet his needs (which, BTW, he also won't discuss, saying that he doesn't have any unmet needs), but it seems that after we have a fight, he's much more interested in me again...sex is also better and more frequent in the days following a good fight.<P>Who knows????<P><BR>Anyway, I have decided that while I will continue to Plan A for as long as I can, I will not put up with any crap. Yes, that may mean making some "selfish" demands; but, I think that as long as I keep the "selfish" demands limited to whatever is otherwise likely to make me file for divorce, that shouldn't do too much damage. Not making those demands would probably cause <B>more</B> damage!<P>Now, we're planning a trip to Colorado/Wyoming in May. Not exactly a romantic trip, as we'll be taking our camper....and another couple, so privacy will be practically nil. Any ideas on how to get rid of traveling companions for a while????????

Sweetpea,<P>Sounds like he gets his cage rattled a little bit when you let off steam. You know, he might be truly afraid that you would leave him or worse yet, LET him leave you!<P>With your situation and the progress youhave made, it seems to warrant the tougher stance. I do not think Plan A is forever. After awhile, you need to get to a balanced relationship. I think your talk to him was very goo, all in all. He just doesn't seem to really get it that he is going to have to institute some changes here and to work to rebuild your trust.<P>About the camping trip...tell them you saw a bear inside the camper and they will be sure to stay away just long enough...! Oh, and they won't get too worried when they see the camper rocking and rolling, either! LOL!<P>Roll Me Away<P><BR>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Roll Me Away (edited January 18, 2000).]