My husband and I have been married 22 years. I feel that money has always been a big control issue for him, and it has gotten to the point where he wants me to 1.write down all expenses daily (as does he) 2.produce receipts as proof of my purchases. 3.not go to the bank or write checks for any reason (we bring home a certain amount each week that we will need). He feels that I have a problem with money and impulsive spending, but I can honestly say that I DON'T.I am tired of being the one to take the blame for his perceptions, and I am depressed. He will not go to a counsellor, although we went 3 times, because he says it didn't work. We have 3 kids, and his control issues are starting to affect them also.He also went off his meds(Prozac) 3 weeks ago. I love him and I know he loves me, but his rigid attitudes about life get me down.I need a financial plan that will allow flexibility but will allay his fears of financial disaster. Let me end by saying that we have already paid off our mortgage, and have some money saved up for education, etc.,so I think we've done really well.Frankly, my husband and I have taken few holidays, and even those were paid for as gifts by my parents. When I mention a holiday, all he can stew about is how much it will cost, and how much work he has to do around our acreage. Anyone out there with ideas on how to deal with someone who is basically a control freak and thinks he's right??help!
<br>

Rosalie,
<p>I've been thinking alot about your problem and have a few questions for you. Do you work and earn your own money? My mother-in-law had this same problem and was only able to "fix" it when she started bringing some money in and felt that she had a right to say where it went.
<br>Steph

Steph- Thanks for the reply, and yes, I have taught school for 24 years, and hardly ever took enough time for maternity leave, even when we lost a son in '82. I have to say that it's my fault for not being more assertive, and I think I need practical ways of expressing my views, opinions, etc., when the need arises. The thing is, I really don't even know what is normal in a relationship, and I should look into courses on assertiveness, or if anyone knows of a website that would help in this regard, please let me know. Thanks again. Rosalie

Rosalie,
<p>I think not being assertive enough could be a large part of the problem. A course could help or maybe even a counselor. I think that you should be able to come up with something your husband will agree to. He may just think why change when what you have is working for him. I would try and work something up where you both have what my husband and I like to call free money. If you spend it fine and if you don't then you can save it up for bigger things. I wish you luck because that is not an easy way to live.
<br>Steph

I understand your problem and it is due to your lifestyle, however remember one thing that no matter how well you have planned things concerning your security, home and family you cannot take it with you when you are gone. My advice to you after such a long struggle is to plan for the rest of your life and start with a holiday that will take your mind off money, a desert island perhaps or a cruise. Good luck.