My husband and I have been married for 2 years. When we got married, my family was against the marriage and did not come to the wedding. For a year my father did not speak to me. One day he called me and invited both of us for dinner. He wanted to put the past behind us and move on. I was encouraged by both my in-laws and my husband to make a effort to get a long and that is what we did. Last week, my sister got married. I went to her wedding without my husband. Even though she did not come to mine, I felt like I should be the better person and go. My husband did not have a problem with me going but told just to go the wedding and come home. I got bored Saturday morning and I went to the church early and helped out and I took family pictures. Well when I got home and my in-laws found out that I took family pictures they were furious with me and informed me that since my husband was not in the pictures it was not considered a family picture. To me it was a group picture and if Andy was there he would have been in it. My husband is angry for not "obeying" him and my in-laws are not speaking to me and act like I do not exist. I guess some of you reading this or thinking how imature all of this is. It probably is; however, this situation has left me a basket case. I can not sleep or eat. I just do not know what to do. Honestly I do not see what I did wrong. [I believe this is between me and my husband although my mother-in-law informed me that he was her son.] I did not intentionally disobey my husband I just wanted to do the right thing. I do love my husband with all my heart but I just can not live like this.

Alison,
<p>I have alot of questions before I feel I can reply. First, why were your parents against the marriage. Second, does your husband expect you to obey him at all times or are you ever allowed to make your own choices. Third, were the pictures with your family or with you alone or just pictures for the wedding album? No matter your response to the questions above it is none of your mother-in-laws business what goes on between you and her son. Mine like to butt in but my husband is very good at telling her to butt out. Even if he agrees with her he lets her know that it is between us. From what you have said so far this does not seem like a healthy marriage. No one should been told to "obey" their spouse. You are both consenting adults with minds and thoughts and feelings. That is all I have to say for now because I don't want to assume anything else.
<br>Steph

Alison,
<br>I don't envy you with your in-laws, because I presently have the same problem and this has created a split with my wife and a big row. You can try to be assertive by reminding your husband that the deal was that you married him and not his interfering family and if he doesn't like it then its goodbye. If you try the soft approach you will find that eventually you will be smothered and will lose control of your own self respect, stay cool, act tough and take no sh-t.<p>[This message has been edited by Chris.]

Steph:
<br> To answer your questions. My father was against our marriage because my husband did not go to college. I took three pictures- which my sister may or may not purchase for her wedding album. I took one with her, one with my family including the groom, and one whole group picture. What it all boils down to is my husband choosing between his mother or his wife. Only time will tell.

My wife and I saved up $10,000.00 for a down payment on a house. When we found our dream home to raise our four children in, my parents were so proud they decided to match us with another $10K. Also my wifes parents said they would do the same. And my wifes dad also owns a title company, so he could save us some closing costs. only thing is, is that about seven months later we started to have some marital troubles. And her parents sent her a threatening letter, saying that if she did not divorce me. That we would lose the house. We thought, how could they really do that, when we are making our payments just fine? Well we found out soon enough, it semms that during our closing, her dad slipped in a trust deed, for the supposed "gift" he had given us. And by this time, he had already foreclosed on our house. He put his own daughter and four grandkids out in the street. But my wife is somehow able to just forgive him and let him get away with it. I'm sorry but I just can't let go of it, and it's making our lives miserable. In my eyes her dad should have no right to see the kids or my wife ever! Any advice on this? Anyone? <p>[This message has been edited by Seth.]

Five weeks ago and after eighteen years together, my wife and four kids moved out of our home and the following day came back for the furniture. A row had developed over some small issues all of which had been annoying my wife for some time, however instead of talking to me she talked to her mother and her mother told her that she would help her if she wanted to pull out. So over weeks they secretly planned and on the day that they were leaving my wifes mother told me that my wife no longer loves me, that we are not compatible and that we have nothing in common. I was gutted and told her that it was non of her business. I had always regarded her as a friend and she frequently stayed at our house and was always welcome. Since then my wife says that she wants us to remain as friends but she won't discuss the problems in our marriage and is making it difficult for me to see the kids. She says for me not call to her house unless I phone, but she seldom answers the calls and each time I try to see her either her mother or a girlfriend is in the house. I just don't know what to do and the longer it goes on the more painful it gets.
<br>Any help would be welcome

I think one of the hardest things to deal with in a marriage is the fact that another person has the ability to make a choice that can hurt and destroy us and we are left helpless.
<p>Alison,
<br>I think your husband is being unreasonable. I also think you are right when you say that he needs to choose between his mother and you. I don't think any wife should be told to "OBEY" her husband. Marriage is a partnership between the husband and wife. Not his whole family. In my opinion you should not back down from this. I would tell him of your love but that you cannot accept his mothers role in your marriage. I would also prepare yourself for whatever his response may be for some will choose their mothers over anyone. My prayers are with you. Good Luck
<p>Seth,
<p>It is the uncanny ability of children to forgive their parents of unspeakable things that just amazes me. Even if her father did this again I'm sure your wife would still be able to forgive him. To be honest, the best thing for you would be to forgive him to or it will damage you too. This is not to say that you will or should ever trust him again. If your wife and kids want to see him then you should let them. I don't think this means that you need to see him but you shouldn't punish them for something he did or they might end up resenting you. I think what he did is horrible but you can't let it eat you up or he has won. My prayers are with you. Good luck.
<p>Chris,
<p>I have read several of your post and wish there was something to say. It sounds to me as if your mother-in-law has already won the battle. Thats not to say that she has won the war though. I do think there is still hope but it is most likely going to take alot of time. I think if you are patient with your wife she may start to open up. Its hard to say how things may go if she is living with her mother. I would take Dr. Harleys advice and start triing to deposit into her love bank in any way you think you might be able to get through. My prayers are with you. Good Luck.
<p>The sad part about life is that the decision of whether or not our marriage will stay together is not always entirely ours. As much as we may want it we still need the other person to agree. And even sadder still is learning when to let go and move on with our lives.
<p>Steph (who has learned the lesson)