I am at the end of my rope and dont know where to turn. I am hopeing that my posting here, someone can help me. This is my second marriage as well as my husbands, and we both have kids from our first marriages. My husband pays child support for his 2 children and i recieve support for my 2 children. The exwife and I recieve almost the same amount in child support every month. The problem here is that school started this week and I took my kids shopping, I had saved the better part of my child support checks all summer so I could take them out and buy them new clothes, school supplies, new coats, and shoes. My husband gave me some money to take his kids shopping ($200, which was $100 per child) I spent the money I had saved on my children (about $200 on each child, not including their school supplies which was another $50). My husbands exwife called here yelling and complaining that her kids didnt get squat for school clothes and demanding more. When the kids saw all that my kids had got, there were upset as well. The problem is, my husband thinks that I am playing favorites with my own children, by buying them more clothes. But thats not the case. His exwife does not work, is on welfare, and spends all the child support on booze and party money for herself, she didnt spend one penny on the kids for school, and is also demanding that my husband pay for their book fees (total of $70). I told him that we have paid these fees for the past 4 years, as well as class pictures, yearbooks, and so on. I put my foot down and told him that this year SHE would have to be the responsible parent and do these things herself, also, his oldest daughter went on a trip to washington and we paid for the entire trip as well as spending money, and new clothes for the trip. Now I have to say here that I did not mind paying for that trip at all, in fact I was glad to do it as I thought this was a great opportunity for her. And I am also glad that my H takes such an active role in his childrens lives, but this has gone too far. I use my child support checks for the purpose they are intended for, and make sure that my kids have everything they need, and I dont ask my ex for anything more, if he does take the kids shopping, its because he wants to. I think my H needs to tell his ex to get a grip and grow up, and stop being mad at me for spending my child support checks on my kids. Anyone have any ideas?

Stick to your guns and keep talking to your husband about the money situation.
<br>I am in my 1st marriage ( my husband's 2nd)
<br>Currently we have 2 children ( 4 and 2). He oldest son (my step son) has lived with us the past 4 school years ( after he failed the 3rd grade). We found out he had ADD. He is now on ritalin and doing well in the 6th grade. I have done everything in my power to help my step-son. When my husband first got custody of his son, the only way he could get his son was to continue to pay his ex-wife child support. ( the lawyer told us to do this so we could get the custody- otherwise my H would never have gotten custody) For two years we continued to pay his ex-wife child support and also had to support the child in our household. ( clothes, school activities, extra food, etc). This was not fair to my step-son. His own mother was not contributing to his support. I finally stuck to my guns and told my husband he had to go back to the lawyer and have the child support payments to his ex-wife stopped. He did and all is well now. Just keep the lines of communication open with your H. and do what you know is fair and right for your kids and well as your step kids. Good luck and God bless
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Melody, I too am a step-mom. I have three of my own and my husband of two years has two. I can recommend a book that might be helpful to you regarding the special needs of step families that you and I have come to know all too well! It is called Living in a Step Family Without Getting Stepped On by Kevin Leman. It's inexpensive (you can get it through amazon.com for a discount) and I think you might find it very worthwhile.
<p>I know that there are challenges that are specific to step families, probably the "ex" factor being the biggest and MOST challenging of them all. I would encourage you and your husband to keep in your hearts and minds that YOUR relationship and YOUR family is the focus of your time, energy and attention. When times get tough with the ex-s, take a deep breath, don't give in to the temptation to react, think things through and TALK to each other. It has helped me so much to remember that the past is the past and when I allow my ex-husband to drive me nuts (what I call "living rent free in my brain!") I am giving him a tremendous amount of power over me and the children - not only HIS biological children, but my step children as well because what affects me affects my new family.
<p>My personal opinion is that you are to be commended for budgeting the child support money you receive on behalf of your children in order to provide them with what they need. Unfortunately your step children may not understand budgets or where money comes from - and may just perceive the whole thing as unfair (I don't know the ages of your children and step children, but my guess is that no matter WHAT age they are, your kids might feel a bit sheepish and your step-kids might feel a bit jealous).
<p>Perhaps in the future you and your husband can figure out a budget for all of the kids that includes child support and regular budgeted income to meet their needs (including trips). It is a good way for kids to see that there isn't an unending supply of cash and learn some budgeting skills of their own!
<p>As for the ex-wife - give up hope of EVER getting her to understand what she SHOULD be doing with child support money. Consider it money down the drain, especially if she is drinking. Your NEW family is your priority. Don't let her make you nuts. Just do the very best you can for you/your husband/your kids.
<p>When all is said and done and you are in your old age, sitting in a rocker on a beautiful porch somewhere and looking back over life and this wonderful family you have been blessed with.... you will not remember the ex's or the bad times.... you will be reaping the rewards of the investments you make in your kids' lives NOW. Don't lose sight of what is REALLY important - it's not clothes or supplies or "stuff". It's LOVE. We don't have that long with our kids - I know - mine are 15, 16, 17, 19 and 21. They grow up way too fast!
<p>God bless you as you and your husband deal with the challenges that lie ahead (and behind!) and know that with His help there is a way forward. Keep your chin up!<p>[This message has been edited by annette.]