I have been married for 2 yrs - this is my 2nd marriage, his third. Our biggest problem is that we have very different sexual needs. He would like to be sexual in some way every day - I would MUCH prefer 2-3 times a week. If he doesn't get what he wants, he pouts. When he keeps nagging me constantly for sex, then I feel like the only reason he wants to be married to me is sex and it becomes harder and harder for me to want to meet his needs. The sex we have is occasionally very good but usually very lacking. When it is lacking it is because although he can get an erection with no problem, he finds it next to impossible to climax. He usually ends up masturbating while he sits next to me, which is less than exciting for me. Sometimes we have masturbated each other, but he cannot climax unless he does it himself, and even then sometimes it doesn't work and he gets all stressed out. I am tired of it taking an hour or more of him sweating all over me and even then sometimes being unsuccessful in climaxing. He is 52 and is on medicine for an enlarged prostrate and he blames the medicine for "interfering". I've begged him over and over to see a doctor and get to the bottom of whatever is causing this, but he refuses. I used to look forward to sex - in my first marriage and early in this one I was very sexually interested. Now I dread it. This is eating away at our relationship in a BIG way. I love him and want him to be happy, but I want to be fulfilled too. This just isn't cutting it and it is building a huge wall between us. I would be VERY grateful for any ideas on where I go from here. THANKS

Annette:
<br> Perhaps you're looking at this from only one angle and don't see the forest for the trees. Maybe your husband has an addiction type of problem (sex addict?) or a psycological problem that has to be addressed. Either case might call for a totally different way to approach the solution.
<br> If it were me, I'd go see his doctor to get information to see if there's any medical problem yourself. With that taken care of you'll have a better idea of how to handle the amount of time involved with sex.
<br> While "every day" is above average, if some of them are "quickies" it's not crazy. I could understand a giving woman satisfying her partner that way. (Obviously there should be some emotionally satisfying return for you as well somewhere in the equation) To me the thing that signals deep trouble is the time involved and the effort to climax.
<br> If you can't explore the possible mental side to his problem and get professional help,.. Maybe you can negotiate a "number of times per week" and a "time per session" or "total time per week" compromise. (He has X number of hours, use them as you wish)
<br> Maybe four days a week are his and three days per week are yours to have sex exactly as each wishes. Each partner fullfills the others desires on their days. (Even if it entails just hugging or no sex at all [your out of 7 days a week])
<br> In any case he's being very inconciderate of you by holding you hostage to his excessive sexual cravings.
<br> Just a thought, are you on speaking terms with any of the three ex-wives? Maybe they could give you some insight.
<br> Sex is funny, when it's good it's not too important in a marriage, but when it's bad it consumes it.
<br>

Annette,
<p>I'm not sure what advice to give you about what to do re: differing needs for sex (anybody with THE answer, call ME!) but I had a suggestion about the prostate medication.
<p>I think that most commercial medicines have adverse side effects - possibly the effort you and your husband need to put into sex. Do you know if he's tried some "natural" prostate treatments? There are many available since this is a very common problem as men age. (I'm 39 and have had some problems already!)
<p>Two herbs I know about are Saw Palmetto (Serenoa serrulata) and Pygeum Africanum. Both are available at health food stores, GNC, or these days, even Osco Drug. They have been used for decades in Europe and have no adverse side effects that I've ever heard of. There are also several companies that make combinations or nutritional complexes with prostate health in mind. Check out the 'net for them.
<p>If he's under a doctor's care, it may be difficult to make this change. (I don't think doctors like losing control.) If the doctor's any good, he should allow your husband to try it. Both of these herbs fall more into the "nutrition" category than "drugs". Maybe they'll help!
<p>Finally (OK, a bit of advice, I couldn't resist) I'm assuming that you have read Dr. Harley's "His Needs, Her Needs"? You need to talk with your husband to make sure that you understand each other's needs and care enough about each other that you should both meet each other's needs without feeling a need to "be paid back". Communication is key!
<p>Hang in there!
<br>Val