My fiance and I are really suffering from a particular conflict that we simply can not resolve. Him and his mom are very close and she is ill at the present time. It is not life threatening but it does create an interference in our lives. Being that she is not well, my fiance has basically told me that she must live with us now and also once we are married. I love him and her, I really do but I don't think this is going to be good for our marriage. His mother and I definitely have our share of conflicts too. It is a constant competition and proving of myself to her. She actually told me that she "doesn't feel that any woman is good enough for her son"!! I don't know what to do anymore, this is really a big issue for me. I want my fiance and I to live our lives without any interference and he is basically telling me that it's not possible. I love him and I want to work this out. Other than this we honestly have a beautiful relationship. Please I am begging, HELP ME!!!

Dear Sara,
<br>your situation is indeed a difficult one. Relationships are built on a lot of things, two of which are communication and compromise. It sounds as though your fiance isn't willing to do either of, or maybe one or both applies to you.
<br>If her illness isn't life threatening, then I fail to see how he would want your marriage to begin with another person(even his mother)living with the two of you. The fist years of any marriage are important as far as building a lasting and loving bond between the two of you. I don't believe he should abandone his love for his mother, but he should be willing to seperate the two. Talk to him, tell him how you feel, and look at yourself, and ask yourself some questions, such as how deep is the love you two share. But, above all else don't begin a marriage that may headed for problems that can't be overcome.
<br>Best of luck.
<p>John

Sara, John had some good points (he usually does). I am wondering how close your MIL lives to you now? Would it be possible for her to live nearby and for your husband (and you, when you want) to stop by and check up on her from time to time? It might make her feel more secure and loved. Your husband may feel as if you are trying to control the situation by refusing to have his mom live with you (are you?) and therefore become even more stubborn as a result. You need to agree to look out for each other's interests(as the MB web pages say)first, and if you disagree, you need to not do anything until you can compromise. Nobody (well, most people) wants someone else living in their house during those first years--you and your hubby need the time to solidify your relationship. But then, your MIL has been his mom for a long time and I'm sure he feels committed to her. Does he know what she told you (about not being good enough)--he should know--not to provoke him, but so he has the opportunity to set his mom's mind at rest (you ARE good enough, or doesn't she trust his judgment?) And, by the way, I think all MIL's think their way is the only right way to do things. Just smile and ignore it. My folks have been married a long time, and my mom says it worked really well for her! Either she'll quit or you'll stop being bugged by it. So try to have a heart to heart with your hubby. Be honest that you need to talk seriously, but it wouln't hurt to romance him a little so you both remember how much you love each other. Maybe once he realizes it's not his MOM you wish to avoid but the loss of his TIME, he might soften up a bit and meet you in the middle. As for MIL, maybe she needs friends, eh? Can you help her find some? Drive her to groups or the Rec. Center to show you care? Work at a charity organization together? Stop by with flowers, or send her a card (if you'd rather not talk?) Take her to church and lunch on Sunday's. It could help. Good Luck!