I just celebrated my 1st Anniversary on Aug. 17th. My husband doesn't want to be married,but he is trying to work it out. So, he says. We've been getting along really great until last night. I found out or should I say suspect him of cheating. We had a fight today because he wants to go out partying tonight. I don't trust him. I called a number on his car bill last night. I found out that the number belonged to a woman from his past. She informed me that he has visited her ocassions, and trys to visit as often as he can. She claims she is not sleeping with him, and she is aware that he is married. I also say a number on his bill that is very familar number to a woman he had an affair with that he refuses to admit that he slept with this woman. She told me everything. I took him back knowing in my heart that he did have an affair.
<p>He claims nothing is going on. All he want to do is go out. He said he was very ashamed of what he had done in the past, but he's not doing anything. Oh, by the way when I press redial on the car phone he presses in an artificial number like 36 to keep me from redialing the last number. Is this a person trying to hide something?
<p>He wants to go out tonight after work. He gets off work at 12PM. What club could he possibly go to at 1:00PM at night? Puzzled! I told him if he goes out I'm not sleeping with him any more, and basically the marriage is over! I can't trust him. It's a very painful situation because I love my husband, but I've had it.

It sounds like you've already decided what to do. Are you sure you want to leave? It seems that is what will happen, because you are backing him into a corner. I would expect that his reaction will be to go out and see if you mean what you say. Do you? If you do, then be prepared to leave, or ask him to leave. It might not be a bad idea. Are you sure sex with him is healthy for you? Also, some people need to hit rock bottom before they face reality. Maybe if you leave he'll realize what he's missing and then you can work it out. However, if he really doesn't want to be married, then it could be you are doing exactly what he wants. Leaving. Is that what you want? If not, then you can't set ultimatums you won't follow through with, and you need to reassess your strategy. Are there kids to worry about? Just you? Either way, you need to admit to yourself what you want. If you want to save the marriage, you may need to ask him what HE needs to get fulfillment in the marriage. Then try to give it to him. Negotiate limits (the ideas in MB info are very useful)--like you can call him to say hi when you need to (check up on him?) and he'll not call his 'friend' anymore. In return, the two of you will go out once a week (or whatever) and you won't accuse him of cheating on a daily basis. Eventually, you might get it back together...if you really want it. From a medical perspective, though, I'd definitely get a check up (and him too, if possible) before resuming sexual relations. Remember, you have to take care of yourself, too. Good luck.

Heather, thanks for responding. Actually, my husband made up my mind. He's moving out. I wanted my marriage to work. It has failed because he really never wanted it to work. Marriage is work. One person can't do all the work. I may have pushed him away with my insecurities, but the insecurities came from real things he did in the past.
<p>It's easy for a person to put the past behind them, then for the person that was hurt to go forward. I was just explaining to my husband [comparing our situation to that of a rapist] that the rapist says, "I'm sorry" and moves on, but the victim has a hard time moving forward. The victim will always be in fear. This is a difficult time for me and maybe for Justice, but we have to move on. Even through the pain.
<p>Justice knows I love him, and I want my marriage to work. This is his marriage too. I can't make him want me or make him make the problems go away. All I can do is pray that we both be alright in the end or a new beginning.
<p>By the way, we've both had recent physicals. Negative, but CAUTIOUS!