<br>Can ANYONE please help?
<br>My husband and I separated a year ago after 14 years together. We had a basically very loving marriage, although there were problems of course - mainly step children and finances. These things caused rough times but we always overcame them.
<br>About 3 years ago I entered a really bad phase. First my father died. Then I nearly got made redundant at work (I was the main breadwinner). Then I discovered health problems that (thankfully) were not as serious as they could have been. It may not sound too bad but it all took its toll and I went into a decline. I stopped communicating with my husband, we stopped going out together, stopped being friends almost. Don't ask me why, I just couldn't do anything. I didn't see anyone for depression but I think that's what it was. My husband started going out more and more on his own, made new friends, I didn't even ask him where he was going.
<br>Just over a year ago he asked me if I would be happier alone, without him. I was in such a bad way I just shrugged and said 'maybe'. He took that to be a yes and started going off to look for other places to live. Even that didn't get through to me. Eventually, as the weeks rolled on, he found somewhere that suited him and the next thing I knew he had gone! That was a year ago now and although at first I was numb, it didn't take long for it all to sink in. It was as if the shock had lifted me out of my state of depression or whatever it was. I desperately want him back but he sees no need to come back - he is fine. He has his own place, he comes and goes as he likes, he has his kids over when he likes (they never liked me) and worst of all he has a new woman (someone he met while I was 'out of it' who he talked to about me, apparently! He says the relationship is pretty serious.
<br>Whatever can I do? We have been out quite a lot over the year, as friends, and had a good time, I thought, but he says the spark's not there for him any more. He says he feels rejected and hurt (I know this now and would do anything to make it up to him but he won't let me do a thing). I have suggested a weekend away, all kinds of things and he won't.
<br>Is it too late? I'd do anything but nothing works. At the moment we're not even speaking and we haven't met up for a month. My fear is that if he doesn't see me, the relationship with the other woman will develop and he will forget me. Maybe it's easierf for him, he's been married before, he is my first and only husband and I want it to work.
<br>Any ideas PLEASE?

Dear Di,
<br>First let me tell you that I feel your pain. My wife left me over a year ago, and I'm still working at saving our marriage.
<br>Second, although you seem to love this man, you seem to be lacking self-esteem, and you aren't seeing the whole picture. It sounds as though he isn't willing to make a commitment as far as a relationship goes. You weren't specific as far as his previous marriage but it's as though when things aren't exactly the way he wants them, he runs at the first opportunity.
<br>Third, you have to ask yourself, is this a healthy situation to be in? There seems to be no communication between the two of you.
<br>This is the very reason why the family unit is in declining numbers. Fathers run, Mothers and fathers cheat. No one talks. Promises are made too fast and broken too easily.
<br>you deserve to be loved and respected, as do we all, and if after trying everything, you can't save the marriage, then you have to search out what will make you happy.
<br>Good luck.
<p>you can e-mail me if you need to talk.
<p>John

Di, I feel your pain ... it is nearly the identical situation to mine, except mine is still in the early stages, and I sought treatment for depression when my husband told me 4 weeks ago that he was going to leave.
<p>I hope it's never too late ... I don't know what else to say...
<p>terri