After 15 years of marriage I recently discovered that my husband has been frequenting massage parlors. When I discovered that I had crab lice, I confronted him. Being who he is he denied that he had been unfaithful, saying that he didn't know how this could of happened! Was I positive that I had crab lice? Was the Doctor sure? Only after I tossed a zip-lock bag of live crabs to him did he believe me!!!) Then the "truth" came out, but he insists that it was a one-time experience. I have decided that I want a divorce because I know that I can never trust him again. (He has traveled quite extensively with his job for our whole marriage) Needless to say, he's angry at me because I can't forgive and forget. He claims that it was a one-time thing, but after telling him I want a divorce his comment was "I've often wondered all these years if this were to happen, would you stand by me?" Am I being unreasonable?
<br>

What a terrible experience! I think I would feel exactly as you do under the circumstances, so I don't think you are unreasonable. He was unreasonable, not you.
<p>Just don't rush into making a big decision like divorce until your emotions have had time to stabilize. Read the articles on this website, read some of the stories others have posted here. It is possible to rebuild, but only you can determine if it's worth your effort.

Paulam,
<p> I can see why you're so upset. On top of all the pain you must be feeling about his infidelity, you have to deal with unwelcome visitors as well!
<p>He poses a good question about standing by him. He needs to realize that he can't shift the focus from his infidelity to your wanting a divorce though.
<p>Your "standing by him", that is, not getting a divorce, would have to be dependent on his changing his behaviour. He would have to give up all of the (one time?) extramarital sexual activities, and be willing to prove to you that he has done this before he should expect any "loyalty" from you. This includes cutting off all contact with his past partner(s) and furnishing you with his detailed schedule of his activities and whereabouts when he's not with you. (I forgot where, but it's discussed in detail in one of Dr. Harley's books, or possibly here on this site.) He will object to this, but it's the only way that you can feel confident that he is not fooling around.
<p>You can work back to a good marriage from infidelity, but it's not an easy task. You have a lot of healing to do, he has a lot of amends to make, and you both have a lot of work to do on meeting each other's needs within the confines of the marriage.
<p>Not to scare you, but you should both be tested for STD's. If he brought home crabs to you, who knows what else is possible.
<p>Good luck, and get to work!
<p>Val