My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years. Money has always been a struggle for us but we always manage to skate by. We both bring home approimately the same amount and we share a joint account. We both use ATM cards for quick cash or if one of us doensn't have the checkbook. However, my husband uses him ATM card so much, that we've had to borrow money just to keep a check from bouncing. This goes on week after week. I've asked him to try and limit his usage. (I use the ATM about once a week/He uses it every day.) He doens't understand that just because the account says we have X amount of money in the bank, that we still have to account for checks that haven't cleared yet. He doesn't like to physically pay the bills, so I do it. When I bring the subject up of limiting how much money we spend a week so as to be able to pay our bills on time, he gets defensive. He says that he doesn't spend money on anyting that he doesn't need and then tells me that I act like he is spending too frivously. (He spends his money on gas (okay), food (okay) and cigarettes, other than that I don't know). After 2 years battling with this, I'm at a loss for resolution. I'm really tired of hearing the same excuses and living on a week by week basis. We have one child together and he has two from a previous marriage. (They live with their Mom, but they spend every weekend with us). I get so angry and depressed when I can't plan to pay the bills on time because I don't know if he's already spent the money. I get even more depressed when I think about the fact that we can't even put any aside for ours orour childes future. I love him and am committed to making this work. Other than finances, we have what I consider a wonderful marriage. Unfortunately, we can't get past this issue. If he says he understands and worries about how to pay the bills, then why doesn't he back it up? I hear the same response every time, but no action to suuport it. Any suggestions would be appreciated. What do I do now? Iv'e considered cancalling both of our ATM cards, but that is not a viable option.<br>

Hi kmae, (boy, theses "funny" handles really confuse me. Oh, well, I guess as "V", I shouldn't talk. Hi, I'm Val - a man.)<p>You do have a problem here, but maybe it's easier to deal with than you think. Forgive me if you've already tried this. (BTW, my wife and I both work, earn about the same - BUT we each keep our own checkbooks, and are responsible for certain bills. Not traditional, but we don't complain about how each other does/doesn't balance the c-book!)<p>Have you tried getting a seperate account (different from the checking account) for the ATM cards? This gives you two advantages - <p>1. The checks should never bounce.<p>2. It would allow you (cooperatively) to set a kind of "budget" for "pocket money". Put a certain amount in each pay period that is separate from the checking account/regular household money.<p>Obviously, this won't give you more money, but it will prevent the embarasment of bounced checks, and help you to impose/enforce some kind of limit on spending.<p>Question - do you and your H have an "official" budget? This would allow you to see up-front how much is available, monitor spending, and just help make you more aware of your financial situation. You may even find that you can save money in some areas and add it to a savings account for vacations, a rainy day, emergencies, etc.<p>I have trouble keeping to a budget, but it least it makes things a little clearer to me. (and helps me realize how much a Starbuck's coffee every day costs! Yeouch!)<p>Val<p><p>[This message has been edited by V (edited 11-06-98).]

Hi, Me again!<p>I re-read your post and saw "money for cigarettes".<p>I hate to be a nag, but you should (as lovingly as possible) help him to quit smoking (you too, if you do!) I think you aready know all the reasons why, but let me add this one.<p>I have two friends who have successfully quit smoking (1-2 packs per day each, for many years.) No one could "make" them quit, and they each "failed" to quit several times. They finally succeded when THEY decided they wanted to quit. The nice thing is (well, besides not stinking, coughing, being short of breath all the time, and worrying about health problems) that they both put aside the money they saved by not buying cigarettes, and the amount is staggering! Put that saved money towards a second honeymoon, a new car, whatever.<p>Plug the cost of cigarettes, coffee, magazines, newspapers, etc. into your budget and you'll probably be shocked as to how much you can save.<p>But, one problem at a time. Good luck on the bugdet!<p>Val<br>(Nonsmoker with plenty of other expensive habits.)

I can relate to your money problems. We are a single income family with 2 children (I work My wife doesnt)<br>Money used to be a major issue with us but this is what we done to sort it all out.<br>First, I have the major bills taken out of my pay check (credit cards, bank loans, and car loan).<br>Beign in the military, i can set up the allotment straight from my pay check into a separate account (savings 01)<br>The bank and other institutions are authorized to take their money out from this account when they want it.<br>I have another allotment going into another savings account to keep for a rainy day (savings 0)(somehow it always seems to rain though).<br>The remainder of my pay check is deposited directly into the checking account where the only bills left are gas and groceries. When i get my pay statement, the net pay box shows the money we have to spend on the groceries gas and allowance. <br>Any extra money left over is directly placed on the credit cards (after an allowance of $50 each every 2 weeks for both of us)<br>This may sound a little confusing at first but when you get the accounts set up and the allotments directly taken from your designated account (any account other than checking) It is easy to see exatly what cash you have left.<br>This system has been working fine for us for quite some time now and i am sure that it could work for anyone else out there.<p>BTW, your bank can supply you with an authorization form for an institution (eg. car dealership, telephone company etc.) To fill out and allow them to take their payments directly from your bank.<p>One other thing, have you considered throwing out the check book altogether and paying the bills in cash, or if you have to send away the money by mail, use a money order?<br>If you avoid the checkbook altogether then there would be no question as to if there is any money left.<p>Money can be a very damaging issue in a marriage, if the idea of setting up allotments seems too complicated or unfeasable then i truly suggest throwing the checkbook out.<br>Hope this helps.<p>Mark