I read on one thread that you were going through this ordeal for 1.5 to 2 years. If I read correctly, how did you do it? How were you able to make it through the days and be so patient? Were you following any of Harley's outlines or plans?<P>Thanks for any of your input. H's affair has been going on for about 1 year and I have know about it for 9 mos--he moved out when I confronted him. I am currently in Plan B since 5/99 and H filed for divorce 2 weeks later. I am trying to stall divorce and I still have hope that things could work out, but it's hard. Just wanted to pick your brain and if you have any encouragement for me. <P>

hey jackie. yep, been through this awhile..UNFORTUNATELY, i only found this site 6 weeks ago!<BR>feb/march of 98, things really went downhill with my marriage (when H hired OW the first time)(they had worked together at another job since july97), my heart knew something was going on, and i teased him for the truth, but discovery was not till 7-31-98, when she came to my house.<BR>Nothing changed after that, and im regretful to say i was an even worse wife after that (im pretty *****y and controlling anyway, but after sept 97, i got postpartum depression, and things were pretty bad- then never got better).<BR>january 99, he took a new job, and found places to stay near his work(50 miles from here in bad traffic)-never showed me where, told stories of male roommates, i begged him not to hire her there. too late. may 99, i found out he was working with her, july 99, found out they had been living together (she called me, was irate to find out there were no divorce papers), though he claims to have not had sex since march 99, as she was with another married man they worked with (what a winner, huh?).<BR>really, in june, H had made a big effort to be honest with me, and i think to break up with her, but he did not move home. he has quit his job, and should be moving home next week or so, to take a job far up north, away from her by 100 miles. <BR>i got the cell phone bill today, and he is still calling her, but not much.<P>Well, i think this site has helped me a lot, primarily i learned about the love bank and lovebusting and plan A, and that has really helped me bite my tongue around him when i want to scream. My screaming was what primarliy drove him from me, and i knew it, but could not control it. He never made any effort to spend leisure time with me, so i had no incentive not to "let loose" on him...what was the reward, you know? It was a hell of a pattern to break.<P>Gee, now that i re read your letter, i realize you are actually further than i am!!<BR>sorry for all the history...<BR>Well, i pretty much told him flat out that our marriage was not going to survive if he did not accept the job away from her. I have asked him repeatedly why he did not divorce me, and he said, "i hoped we could work it out" (hum, hoping aint trying, is it?). He does not want to lose his son (2), and i guess he had told OW that if we divorced, i would move home to mama (well, i was so unhappy when he was away for work, i told him that).<BR>so the 2yo and the baby to come (10-9), are the main reason we are trying at all, though he has told me im the great love of his life (after all the lies, who knows?).<BR>It will be weird when he moves home next week. we were not in plan b, or separated, he just did not live here. (I felt like a kept woman the whole time-he pays for everything, came home on satuday to have sex. that was our whole marriage)<P>Jeez, your H filed so quick..that must be heartwrenching. I wish i could offer you more, since you were kind enough to ask <BR>sorry for the whole story again....<BR>i'll keep my eye out for anything that might help you, kay?<BR>hang in there,<BR>julie