Hi, hope someone can help me. this is such a stupid little thing that has blown up to something big. My H said to me "come here" (we were both sitting on the couch). I said ok (I was already "there" so didn't move). he said come here. I said I'm here. he said come over here. I moved to the middle cushion of the couch (i had a newspaper spread across my lap looking for a matinee we could both go to the next day). I didn't know what he wanted. if he wanted to ask me something, i was right there. if he wanted to show me something, why didn't he say, come over here and let me show this....? so after I moved to the middle cushion. he threw down what was in his hand and said, "geez, forget it". I was like, whatever. i couldn't read his mind. didn't know what he wanted. he didn't tell me. so I got up, did some stuff in the kitchen, didn't want to get into a fight with him so went into the bedroom to read. i fell asleep. a hour or so later he came in to the bedroom and got in bed. very curt to me. i felt i was removing myself from a potentially volatile situation (i didn't want to get into an argument over where i was sitting and he did say, "forget it" so i figured he just didn't want to pursue whatever it was that he was going to show me). the next day he basically ignored me all day. got lunch for himself; later, i was cooking dinner and even though he saw me cooking, he got out leftover pizza to eat. i had to beg him not to eat the pizza, that i was fixing a nice dinner. he said that he was "disengaged" b/c I "bailed" on him. it's now been 36 hours since that minor little tift and the situation is worse. he is ignoring me (acting like a baby in my opinion) b/c he wants to give me a taste of my own medicine (he said last night that he knows he's acting like a baby). I asked last night if he was still upset and disengaged and he said yes. I said let me know when you are feel un-disengaged. he ignored me this morning as well. I don't know what to do. he never apologizes for anything. so even though I think we were BOTH wrong, i will be the one to apologize, including apologizing for not apologizing soon enough and allowing this to fester for 2 days. i'm tired of always feeling like the one that does soemthing wrong. we both make mistakes but he says if i would do this or that, then he wouldn't respond the way he does. it reminds me of that brooks & dunn song that goes something like "...pride is the chief cause of the decline in the number of husbands and wives...". I want to learn from this situation (b/c our disagreements are not infrequent) but I'm taken by surprise by this one b/c we've been getting along pretty well these last few weeks and it seems like such a minor thing. <br>anyway, i don't know what to do. how to resolve this. i don't even know how it got to be as blown out of proportion as it seems to be. any thoughts out there?

My first thought when you said what he did was that he wanted you to come and sit on his lap and snuggle . . or something. I think maybe he just wanted to be romantic - and I think he got highly insulted that you couldn't read that out of him continuing to say "come here" - or maybe he felt that you knew what he really wanted and didn't want to do that. Thats just my first thought. If so; he is feeling hurt and rejected. Some men just don't come out and say what they really want or need and expect us to know. Its only a guess but if it were my husband, I would have known he wanted to snuggle or something. Maybe you should apologize and tell him you don't understand what you did. No reason building walls - someone has to do the apologizing and I wouldn't be too proud.

Leigh: I agree with Cndy. I'm 99.9% sure that hubby was wantin' a little lovin'--maybe just a hug, maybe more! (You know men--always looking ahead to the main event! LOL). Anyway, he probably thought he was telling you so clearly. What he heard from your reaction (whether you meant it or not) was: "Not interested!"<p>Arrrrgh! As you've probably noticed, rejection usually makes us guys get all pissy! And repeated rejection can give us double vision, slurred speech, and the feeling that nothing is right in the world!!!

Yeah - I'm with Doug - I am reading Men are From Mars . . . and I'm learning that they really are from another planet (LOL!!) - no, not really but that they THINK differently than we do and we THINK differently than they do. We have to TRY hard to figure out what they really mean when they say things (as well as them figuring us out). I can tell hes really ticked - but, I can understand why - he feels your rejecting him and thats a downer for a man (and woman). I think you could start the apologizing any time!! Try the book - its fun and interesting!

I, too, thought that "come here" may have meant some cuddling and more... Sometimes it is difficult for our mates to say outright what it is they want - male or female! Somehow, "come here" is so much easier than "Would you please come over closer to me so I can cuddle you and kiss you and initiate a sexual encounter?"<p>Sulking for several days is very immature... but you have to decide if you want to make things better in your marriage or wait until he does ... if you wait, you could be waiting a long time. If you make the decision yourself, you might be pleasantly surprised with the results...<p>Read some marriage books like "Divorce Busting" by Michele Weiner-Davis - GREAT book - wonderful suggestions!<p>Hope this helps some ...<p>terri

Hi,<p>My wife and I have had this same arguement. I know exactly how your husband feels. There have been times when its been a little "cold" between my w and I. I've tried to break the impasse with the same words, "come here", and got the same reply "I AM HERE", from my wife. It felt like total rejection. Call me a kid, but rejection never feels good. I would feel hurt, and then sulk. Maybe 72 hours is a little long, but I can relate. <p>Walk up to your husband, wrap your arms around him and tell him you love him. He may be resistant at first, but believe me, thats exactly what he wants.

Hi Leigh!<p>Any improvement in your husband's ...um... 'attitude' today? If not, you should follow optimist's advise, wrap your arms around hubby and tell him you love him. Then add these 4 words: "Take me to bed!"<p>I guarantee that within 30 minutes, hubby's attitude will be 1000% better! <p>Good luck!!!

Dear Leigh,<p>Although you may have some fault in the tiff with your husband, he seems to be suffering from the primarily male affliction I'll call "the cave man mentality". "You, Come Here, Me Want Sex, ugh". I agree with Terri and the others, don't expect an apology, but apologize without prejudice,=), wrap your arms around him, tell him you love him, and reward yourself with the closeness he wants and that you deserve.<p>Good Luck,<p>John

thanks all for the advice -- I apologized last night for getting up and leaving the room. he made a comment about us going to counseling and how it's "not working" b/c we still have conflict. I said it's not the counselor's fault. we have to actually practice the skills. just being "aware" isn't enough. he understands that he could have taken the "lead" in resolving this current conflict and didn't and that it's up to BOTH of us. the bottom line is that we know when we mess up, but haven't practiced the skills enough to have them become habit so we find ourselves reverting to old, destructive habits. it's a 2 steps forward, 1 step back process but we are both committed to our relationship working. thanks again!