<br>My wife and I have been married for 27 years. We have two college-age children. Over the past year, my wife and I have experienced terrible conflicts which have resulted from her interest in one of her close co-workers. She tells me that there is "nothing going on". As a result of my distress and mistrust, she says that she can "never forgive me" and that "she wants peace and just wants out". She also says that "you (meaning me) will never change"! Since the situation seems so hopeless after working with Christian counselors and seeing that she seems to want to end the relationship, would it not be the best thing to give her what she wants and let her go? If she can find peace with someone else, wouldn't that be better than all of the conflict? We both were raised in Christian homes and it would break my parents hearts if they could see what has happened. I would appreciate and suggestions as to how to attain forgtiveness from someone who says thery never can. How do I go on hoping when there isn't even a ray of light?

I am also a Christian. It is my understanding that one cannot attain forgiveness unless the other party decides to forgive. There is nothing you can do to bring this about. It is only within her to forgive you. It sounds like this has been building for some time and there are unhealed wounds. If she is not willing to work WITH you, the marriage is doomed...it takes both of you to resolve this. Good luck to both of you.

I agree in terms that forgiveness has to come from her. In the other hand, you can help her to get there by cleaning the path for her. This is, it took time to get to this point it will take time to move from there. Don't throw wood to the fire bringing the subject, or trying to force a resolution, give her reasons to change. With your actions you can show her that you really want to try. That you are willing to go through the whole process, does not matter how long its takes. <p>It take one to TANGO, changing youself will trigger changes on her, since her reactions will not be valid anymore. Try to think on times where you were enjoying time together and try to recreate that again. The rule is simple if is working keep it, if not don't try it again just change it.<p>You said something that is really important and that is that both of you are Christian. Put your problem on God hands and pray for guidance. God knows what is best for us. Don't try to force to get your old marriage back maybe after all what you need is a new marriage but with the same person. Give her space and show her by your actions what still there to be discover together.