Dear Dr Harley,<br>My husband didn't have a father figure growing up. His mother brought them up. He has a lot of women friends, which was odd to me at first, but then he explained that it was because his mother brought him up. But then it bothers me, when he always takes up for his women friends, no matter what. Even if my feelings have gotten hurt by them. He will understand them over me. He also tends to look at women, saying he is looking at their outfit, because he is a fashion designer. Might be true, but an hour at time, bothers me. How do I deal with this. It really makes me angry and cheated. He keeps telling me to trust him, which I do, but I feel the above things he does is disrespectful.<br>Need your advise.

Dear Smitha,<p>Your husband's behavior IS disrespectful and really very rude! His explanation to you about his staring because of a woman's outfit can be true but it is STILL rude no matter what the reason. He is with you and should remember that! If his mother brought him up then he should really show more respect for you than what he is showing. Women friends are fine, I think but when he puts their feelings before yours...that isn't right...but you should not put yourself in the position to be compared as well. You are supposed to be the love of his life and he's treating you like a second class citizen.<br>You should tell him exactly how you feel but not in an accusing manner.<p>Have you told him that his hour-long stare-o-thons bother you? If you haven't, you should. It doesn't matter what kind of reason he gives for behavior that bothers you if it really bothers you...it is IMPORTANT.<br>I've had similar problems with my husband and I managed to work things out a little by telling him calmly these things bother me and I thought at least the behavior was rude.<br> <p>In the end, though, men will always look no matter what, but staring is disrespectful when they are with you.<p>As a married woman myself, a husband's desire for other women can be really, really annoying!!! But remember that this is just looking(which I try to tell myself all the time).

dear sk,<br>thank you so much for your confirmation on that. I really thought it was just me feeling that way, because I am from another country and he is from America. I too feel he was being disrespectful,but he doesn't seem to understand. I have told him in a calm manor too. He only tells me I am jealous. It really is not about jealousy, it is about respect, and not wanting to feel cheapened. You are so right on his excuses he gives me, but I am at my wits end trying to make him recognize that. We are going to be meeting with our pastor in a few weeks, hopefully he will be able to help us. I was so ready to leave him. Even though its just looking, I hate it, because I dont do that to him and would like the same respect. Thank you for your support. I am glad you were able to work it out with your husband. That is so interesting. What made him listen in the end to how you feel? Well once again I appreciate the support. Thanks. Do you advise me to share your thoughts with him?

Dear smitha,<p>Yes, I do advise you to share these thoughts with him. Tell him exactly what you told me that it isn't about jealousy at all and that it has to do with respect and common decency.<br>Respect and common decency, which we all deserve, especially a wife. Since you are from another country (which I am too), he seems to try to fool you into thinking that that is the way things are here in America, but that isn't true at all. When he tells you that you are just jealous...disagree with him and tell him why. He really needs to know. His assumption on the way you are feeling is not correct since you don't agree.<br>He is not validating your emotions when he just assumes you are jealous. It is confusing, I know, but tell him how upset you are since he doesn't even have a clue.<p>In fact tell your pastor how you feel, too.<br>In private if you are more comfortable. Your pastor can only help you two work it out if you tell him how your husband's actions make you feel. Don't let your husband interrupt you when you are telling your side though!!!<p>I think what made my husband listen at the end was that I told him how his actions made me feel. That it wasn't about jealousy at all.... <br>

Dear Sk<br>Its been a long time since I have been on here. My husband and I are going to seek counseling from a pastor in our previous hometown. I have known him from our college days. Hope that should help. He improved their for a while. But he seems to be back to his old ways. So lets see. It was interesting to hear you are from another country. Which country are you from may I ask. I am from India. I hope things are going well between you and your husband. Take care and love to hear back<br>Smitha