This is a long story, I'll try to make short. Before my husband and I married, he was quite close to a married couple. Mostly he talked with the wife, whom I've nicknamed Elsie. <p>Not long after I met this couple, they announced that they were going to have a baby. A couple of months before this woman's due date, my husband (then boyfriend) said that he was thinking of volunteering to be the child's god-father and would offer to take care of the wife if anything ever happened to her husband. I was taken by surprise, wondering where this left me; but I didn't say anything. <p>As she got closer to delivery time, my husband talked to her husband several times on the phone and asked if her breasts were getting bigger and if Elsie's milk had come in yet. I was not comfortable with this at the time, but didn't say anything. <p>Well, shortly after this woman gave birth and brought her newborn home, my husband and I went to visit the proud parents. She was having trouble breastfeeding, and asked my husband if he minded if she used a pump while we visited. She unbuttoned her shirt, pulled down her bra, and proceeded to milk herself two feet in front of us. He didn't object. While this was happening, my husband then started asking Elsie's husband if he had ever tasted his wife's milk, wondered what it tasted like, etc. <p>Elsie then offered a cup of milk to my husband. He glanced at me quickly and agreed. She then asked if I might want some too. I declined; but I was shaking inside. <p>During this same visit, my husband asked Elsie if she had had an orgasm since the birth of her child. The next day, my husband called me at work telling me how much he thought Elsie liked what he did and told me he thought he really bonded with her, adding that he could always tell her that she had the best milk he had ever tasted.<p>After about a month of being quite upset and repelled, I told him I thought the whole incident was repulsive and crude and that I never wanted to be in their home again. <p>We have been fighting about this for three years. The first year and a half, he told me constantly that I was insecure for not thinking that everything was innocent. He met with the couple apart from me and talked about how insecure I must be, and visited with them when I wasn't around. He said they all agreed that I was the only one who had a problem with it; and that it should be okay for him to visit them without me. <p>The topic unfortunately still comes up. Now he occasionally tells me what her milk tasted like (milk from the store), that they were his best friends, and that he misses them terribly. He steadfastly believes that he did nothing wrong. <p>I feel intensely betrayed. No amount of talking seems to be bringing this to closure (or healing on my part).<p>This is only the most significant issue in our marriage, there are others. He tends to be quite flirtatous and friendly with women. Asks a lot of personal questions. I, unfortunately, could go on and on.<p>We have been to marriage counseling. It hasn't seemed to help. I am at wits end.<p>A couple of nights ago, he told me again what her milk had tasted like and that he didn't believe anything was wrong with drinking another woman's breast milk; although he would not do it again. I feel like I can't stand to hear this one more time. My feelings of intimacy with my husband have been severely damaged. Help.<p>Incidentally, since this event I decided to get breast implants because I was feeling very self conscious about my own sexual attractiveness. My husband has told me that I now look like a freak and that he no longer likes the way I look or feel. Personally, I think I look pretty good.<p>Am I crazy for thinking the milk session was an act of infidelity and unfaithfulness? Do other people do this kind of thing? Is saying "I'm sorry, I didn't do anything" an apology? <p>[This message has been edited by Lindy (edited 12-17-98).]

Lindy: When this Elsie woman asked your husband if he minded if she milked herself in front of him, what was your reaction? I would have had a fit if I were in your shoes, I mean there is no way I'd allow another woman (in my presence) to do something like that in front of my husband! It's amazing it didn't bother her husband either. <p>I think you're totally justified in the way you feel about the whole incident. Sounds like he dwells on the event a little too much considering he's always talking about her "milk". Sounds like he needs some serious therapy since he feels this need to be more intimate with women than he should be. Good Luck, Lisa <p>[This message has been edited by Ltaylor (edited 12-18-98).]

Lindy:<p>Geez, your husband and this couple must have been really, REALLY close! Is it possible they used to (ahem) 'share' Elsie? Your husband was obviously obsessed with Elsie's breasts, and she MORE than accomodated his interest! And Elsie's hubby, who would have been justified in slugging your husband, apparently had no problem with this VERY personal exchange! Pretty strange.....<p>I don't know if this would be considered 'infidelity'. That word gets used pretty broadly in this forum. It was certainly inappropriately intimate, and insensitive to your feelings. And for your hubby to keep bringing it up over the last 3 years is downright cruel. I'm sorry if his boorishness is what prompted you to get implants, but if they make YOU feel better about YOURSELF, then that's great! <p>Personally, I think your hubby deserves a good hard kick in the [censored]! If you don't feel up to it, I'll volunteer!

Doug,<p> You're a helluva guy, offering to kick her husband in the [censored]. Although I'm not sure that's the most effective place to apply the impact.<p>Lindy,<p> I can certainly see why you'd be upset with 'Elsie' (nice nickname btw, glad you're keeping your sense of humor!) My wife would freak out on the spot. (It's embarassing enough to see breast feeding in front of you, much less breast pumping.) <p> It sounds like your H is inordinately(sp?) interested in this man's wife. Doug may have a point there. <p> Then again, who's to say what's "weird" and what's "normal". I guess if we condemn drinking another woman's breast milk, then anything but missionary position coitus is taboo too.<p> It should mean enough to your husband that this behaviour bothers YOU for him to never mention it again. I wouldn't rule out therapy - for him.<p>Val

Thanks for the compliment, Val! Hey, butt-kicking's a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it!!! But you're right. An 'alternative' impact site would have a much more profound effect, and require much less brute force! I think I'll let Lindy handle that--say, the next time hubby brings up how GOOD ELSIE'S FREAKIN' MILK TASTED!!! <p>I've got no problem with a woman DISCREETLY breast-feeding in my presence--hey, that's nature! I've also got no problem with a hubby sampling his WIFE'S milk. Hey, I did! Why should the baby get all the fun? HE just thought it was food. I KNEW better! (Heh-heh-heh!)<p>BUT, for another woman to flop it out, pump it, and serve it up like a drink order (Did she put a little umbrella in the cup?) is DEFINITELY weird!!!

Whoa girl, I gotta agree with the guys, that whole situation was/is weird, I immediately thought of a 3-way thing myself. Plus he talked about "bonding with her" due to having her milk, like he was a baby too. It's not you honey, whatever is going on with that is his issue. By the way, if you feel you look and feel great with your new breast enhancements, then that's great! BTW, I think it is interesting that he called YOU a freak! I have never heard anything like this about drinking breast milk, except from a husband, if I ever had babies, I would even taste my own breast milk...out of curiosity. But this is too weird for me even. Plus it was very rude of her to offer her milk to your husband. IT IS INTIMATE. I'm surprised she even offered a cup! Can you discuss this without getting angry? I don't know how I would feel about something like that, but I would be pissed if someone did that to me and my husband. I just HAD to comment on this! JADE