My wife told me to leave the house we just bought on Tuesday. Why? Because We had an argument. She had just come home from work, and launched into a tirade about the kitchen being dirty (one dirty pan, and some wall decorations on the microwave). She said that since I was on vacation, that the house should be clean when she gets home from work. Nevermind that I swept, mopped, cooked, and washed all of the other dishes. It seems that there is no pleasing her no matter how I try. SHE told me to put the decorations on the microwave until she could decide where she wanted them. When I mentioned this, she became even more angry. At this point, after all of the verbal abuse, I was a bit peeved myself, so I took the wall hangings, threw them in the trash, and said, "There! Are you happy now!?". I acknowledge that this was a mistake, but at the time, I was not in the best of moods. <br> As soon as the decorations hit the trash, she exploded, balling her fists and taking swings at me. I grabbed her arms before she could land a punch and said "You're not going to hit me.", and pushed her back. I didn't push her hard, and she wasn't hurt, but she was still trying to punch me. I grabbed her arms again and said "I'm not going to let you hit me." I let her go and said that if she doesn't like the way I clean then why doesn't she just leave. Incidentally, noone else has a problem with the way I clean house.<br>After the last statement, she said, "No. You leave." I was packing my bags when she called my mother to complain about me, and got me involved in a phone conversation for about 10 minutes, but I was still angry, and hurt, so I left. I found a room in base billeting, but they would not let me stay without my first sergeants approval, so, unfortunately, all of this is no longer just a simple argument. Since then, I have been to 2 counseling sessions, but my wife refuses to come because she feels that there is nothing wrong with her. She even went as far as to say that she doesn't love me anymore. Right now, I feel emotionally drained and very tired.

I'm sorry to hear about your problems. it is good that you left and did not try to stick around. Your wife sounds like she is very unhappy with you about something. i do not think it is the cleaning that is just her way to pick a fight. She maybe going through stress at work ect I don't know. give her time show her that you care and want to work things out. Ask her what is wrong. Maybe you are not meeting one or more of her needs. Maybe she is scared of committing . It is very hard to open up to your spouse but read the rule of honesty on this site and ask her to read it too. I respect your decision to move out. You were not in the wrong about that agrument but you maybe wrong about other things but blaming each other will not solve anything. Keep your faith in God and pray that your wife will open up to you and tell you what is really bothering her. Until she does you are in for a very stormy relationship. Communication is key I think.

I'm sorry about your situation and I really hope it can come to a positive resolution. Some of the things she did--like the wall decorations on the microwave thing--sound familiar. A freind was having a very similar problem with his wife: he borrowed a video recorder, hid it while it taped for several days, and caught one of her stressed-out tantrums. When she denied having told him to do something and was angry about it being done, he rewound the tape... <p>As for us, my H and I have a To Do list with check boxes for our initials, and if I tell him to just put something someplace, he very pointedly confirms it, demanding my full attention and acknowledgement of what I said. It can sometimes get annoying, but it is valid as I have had similar unfair tantrums in the past when I was very stressed out and it works for us. I admit, the hardest thing for me to do in our marriage was admit that the way H does things may or may not be the way I would do it--or as quickly as I would like. As long as it got done with the same results, then that was enough.<p>When we were newlyweds, there was a pretty big control issue--as the eldest kid of a military family, when I barked, I expected immediate compliance and if it wasn't given, I exploded--even when it was my parents. Thankfully, years of martial arts taught physical restraint and physical self control! My controlling and verbal abusiveness stopped when I realized I was not happy about my life and myself and that the problem was me. Because I felt my life was out of my control, I took it out on the safest source to vent and try to gain some control--my H. Thankfully, H was a very patient, restrained man who refused to let the sun set on the issue--and refused to move out. After all, he'd paid for at least half of everything, why should he get the boot?<p>Marriage is a workout and sometimes you'll pull a muscle, but you come out stronger in the end. She may be resenting being away from her family, may be stressed that you could be sent away (I am right you are in the military--or did I screw up), or she may be having "gender reversal" problems in that you may be making similar demands on her when she is off. Things I'm sure you've thought of already...<p>Hang in there!