I have been married for only 8 months abd I hate it. Marriage seems to bring out the worst in both of us. I had a successful career and owned my own home. My husband has been married twice previously (first wife died, second ended in divorce when their daughter was a year old). <p>We have gone through a huge amount of stress before and since the wedding. In the last 8 months, I have given up a great job with a good future, sold my house, moved to another city, taken a dull job with an uncertain future, become a wife and part-time stepmother in a new home and have an overbearing stepmother to deal with. His job responsiblities shifted requiring him to travel extensively, so he changed jobs and is also less challenged. He has brought alot of baggage about marriage with him too.<p>We are not dealing with it well. We are currently in a state of conflict. Our incompatibility seems to grow daily and with it come disrespectful judgements and angry outbursts from each of us. He has threatened to serve me with divorce papers on a number of occassions. Every time he feels hurt he retaliates swiftly and with greater hurt. He has no friends, just his mom and they fight all the time too. His whole family does. I have a group of strong female friends from college whom I see infrequently and he resents it says I should be with my family. He resents my time in the church choir.<p>There's more...but where do we go from here?<br>We are both used to controlling the situations we are in. Neither of us is succeeding now.<p>

ames121-<p>sounds like you have both made many difficult compromises in the past few months. And those love-busters are popping up galore...<p>It is so early in the game (how long were you together before marriage?) - you still have a good chance to draw on all of the good feelings you had that brought you together to bring you both back to the negotiation table. Try reading Give and Take - some of Harley's comments about the wife's position in a marriage may not sit with you well, but overall most of what he says about relationships is true, and may help you both realize that you have made some hasty bad steps, and retrace your path to a better start.<p>You say you are both used to controlling situations... there is little room for control in a relationship. You should both look carefully at why you decided to be together, and what is the most important thing about that decision.<p>Your mutual isolation is not good... same happened to me and my H. Can you find any activiitres that you could try together to engender new mutual friendships? My H was always so critical of new people we met, that it never led to anything more than one outing with new potential friends. Hope that you can both be a little more lax... and just see what develops with a new circle of acquaintances.<p>Janet.