<p><br> Question: I'm 40 years of age and contemplating marriage with a woman I've been<br> seeing for six years. Sex is great between us however I'm not sure if what I feel is<br> love. <p> My job brings me in contact with other women and I fantasize yet I realize my lady<br> friend would leave me if she ever caught me cheating. However I feel I would if I<br> could get away with it. <p> My lady friend will not wait any longer and either we marry or she leaves. So we are<br> setting a date. Friends have told me that if you are having doubts about your<br> marriage you shouldn't go through, but I'm not sure if such confusion is normal. <p> I care for my girlfriend a great deal and we have been through a lot<br> together, but I am not sure how to read my feelings. I've often thought it's a 50-50<br> proposition and I have constructed a pre-marriage agreement so I'll give it a try. <p> But at the same time I'm thinking I could do "better." Yet don't really know what<br> better is except perhaps "younger" (my lady friend is 33). <p> I can't decide if what I feel is love. Or if I'm extremely emotionally co-dependent on<br> this woman after the years we've been together. <p> At a loss with what I feel. Any advice would be very much appreciated.

Ask yourself this simple question. Are you ready to do everything and anything it takes to make your wife happy if she fullfills her side of the agreement. If not then you do not have what a marriage needs to succedd. Committment. If you are not committed to your relationship then it will not work. If the committment is not there you will end up hurting your wife with the most painful hurt she will ever face. So do some soul-searching and see if you have that committment in you for her if not then step back and let someone else do it for her. You will be doing her a tremndous favor even though she won't see it like that<br>

Thanks for the advice. It is a simply question and as much as love the person (or think I love) I must say no.<p>The problem is that she really expects to get married and I feel gulity for stalling the past two years. She has been honesty, but I'm a co-dependent person (perhaps she is as well)and find it hard to let go.<p>I think I know the right thing to do, but am lacking the guts. <p>I've been reading some of the very unhappy experiences of other posters and don't want to make the same mistakes.<p>Still this is not to say I will not.<p>Right now my ladyfriend has called me and wants to speak. But I'm afriad because we always get together again.<p>She's kind, but there are a few things I don't like about her and I'm very sure she feels the same about me. We have stayed together for a long time because I do treat her nicely, but I have also cheated on her twice before.<p>

Dear john,<p>please please plese share your innermost feelings with her. i think my H married me b/c we were young and foolish and he "thought" he was in love. he cheated on me twice while we were dating. we've been married nine years (now separated), and i thought everything was wonderful. i truly thought i had found "God" being with him. Well, just three weeks ago, he confessed that he hasn't loved me for years, that i deserve something better, and that he thinks we can both find something better.<p>if you'll read some of my posts and Janet's, you'll see how terribly painful this has all been. Almost like a close family member suddenly died. I'm barely coping...i mean, SEVERE depression. And, i'm usually a very mentally healthy person. But, this whole thing took me completely by surprise, and it has nearly killed me.<p>i know it would have been hard to hear his confession years ago, but i think it would have been better. i mean, i feel like i have been betrayed-for years- by someone who i thought was my life-partner, my best friend. He says no. and now he's left. He has no idea of the emotional damage he's done. This affects me deeply and painfully almost every MOMENT of every day.<p>Please, keep reading, learning, and SHARING with her. Thanks!

Thanks for the input. My ladyfriend called and wanted to talk about plans for a new apartment. (We lived together for 21/2 years, but now she is back home and I am on my own.)<p>I sent her an e-mail saying that I was receiving marriage counseling (which is what I call these conferences...).<p>I explained I was afraid that the arguments were are having before marriage will simply continue. <p>She hasn't responded yet. I am afraid to talk with her over the phone becasue I will lose my courage and jump right back into this relationship head-first.<p>Speaking with a professional is a must if we are going to continue our relationship.

Thanks for the input. My ladyfriend called and wanted to talk about plans for a new apartment. (We lived together for 21/2 years, but now she is back home and I am on my own.)<p>I sent her an e-mail saying that I was receiving marriage counseling (which is what I call these conferences...).<p>I explained I was afraid that the arguments were are having before marriage will simply continue. <p>She hasn't responded yet. I am afraid to talk with her over the phone becasue I will lose my courage and jump right back into this relationship head-first.<p>Speaking with a professional is a must if we are going to continue our relationship.