..................<p>[This message has been edited by bear (edited 01-21-99).]

ohh sorry for what your going through.<br>But sounds to me like you were used.<br>took me 37 years to get where you are.<br>be thankful you don't have children.<br>It is painful too love someone and trust them with your whole being isn't it?<br>don't hold on too tight maybe she will come back. wish I let go long ago so at least I would still have youth on my side..<br>I don't like hearing need space either, want my own life.<br>sounds like she bettered herself.what a shame that she is treating you this way..<br>Prayers for you. I don't know what to say.<br>I wish there was some way to help only<br>think we got to go through..whatever it is and I guess it will hurt alot for along time.<br>God be with you! take care and don't do anything to hurt yourself..ok..

Although I'm no professional, I would like to ask a few questions to analyze your problem.<p>Does your wife say she loves you?<p>Do the two of you spend time together, doing recreational activities where you are both laughing, and enjoying yourselves?<p>Do the two of you feel like you communicate your feelings?<p>Why did this suddenly come up? (There must have been some lack of communication.)<p>Are you emotionally supportive of your wife?<p>Does she cry with you?<p>

bear- your situation sounds alot like mine. My h is in school 2 hours away- we made the decision together, I have supported us both while he has tried to find his career path over the last 5 yrs, married 7. We talked on the phone every other day, and he came home every two weeks except from October 20- till Thanksgiving. Before Christmas I asked him to be more communicative about his feelings and WHAM - he said he didn't want to be married any more, wants to be free, hasn't loved me for a long time, etc. <p>He came home over break, and we went to counseling, he agrees to try to figure out what is going on with him,and not pursue a friendship outside our marriage. He cannot say what is bad about being married to me - says I am the most supportive, understanding, loving person he has ever known. We even connected emoitionally, sexually during the month he was home, however, he still does not have any answers.<p>He is not having an affair, but has a single guy friend whose lifestyle I think he envys, and says since he is attracted to other women he feels he should not be married. I think he is curious about what he is missing, but why is our marriage so easy for him to give up? <p>His mother died last year and he was in severe depression, is now medicated and going to counseling at school (sporadically). He was just as recently as October talking about our future together and how great it will be when he finishes school, he was also telling me he loved me (his initiation). I am uncertain how to proceed - I don't want to push, yet don't want to be walked on.<p>I am a secure woman, and know what I want in my life- I don't need him to be happy- I have been a basically happy person even through his depression. I do want our marriage to work, I always assumed when he got his career together, everything else would fall into place. We had a lot of fun together, did not argue alot, worked on communicating better. I am confused because this seems sudden and he can't give me answers to why that satisfy me. Thanks for listening! I feel for your situation and hope things work out for you and your wife. If you would like to email me let me know, my address is not posted.<br>bethz

Thank you sadeyes. During this period of pain I've forgotten to pray as I have when happy. Dont sell out, youth is eternal. If you look... you'll find it right where you left it. In your heart.<br>BEAR

Skarlie...yes, yes, yes, yes & no, yes, yes.<br>BEAR

........<p>[This message has been edited by bear (edited 01-21-99).]

Bear- I am having some of those same mood swings lately- they are frustratin, because at my core I know I am a very together person.<p>I agree with you about responsibility- I have always been the responsible one in our relationship, also about the pathetic attraction excuse- I would worry if he weren't attracted to other people- I even told him that I had felt the same way.<p>The comment about your wife really touches me - she is lucky to have someone that feels that way about her- YOU ARE THE SHINING STAR!! THanks for your comments.My e mail is bbranden@hardin.k12.ky.us. <p>

NEED SPACE NEED TIME <br>if I never hear those words again in my life I will die a happy man. It comes down to two things. When the going gets tough the noncommited leave. And being selfish. People walk out because they are unhappy but instead of building on what is good they tear down everything and start from scratch. If somethings make you happy shouldn't you save those? and work on the things that don't why throw the baby out with the bathwater. Marriage can be heaven or hell. Usally a little bit of both but that is for better and worst right. Sadly my wife walked out too. But she also took my three children with her. In a blink of an eye the four people I cared the most for in my life were gone from me. Painful yes. But I understood too that my actions were partly to blame. So I have tried over the last 2months to get my family back trouble is my wife doesn't want it. You makes the rules that children go with their mother. What does a woman have that a man doesn't? sorry not much help but I do understand your pain.

dear BEAR and every one else:<p>i hope you are doing well. i, too, know the pain all too well. it's debilitating. it's life-threatening. but, you WILL survive! hang in there. read Dr. Harley's material and give it to your spouse to read. eliminate love busters and meet spouse's emotional needs. i really believe that stuff can work. it was just too late for me & my hubby. he'd already made the decision to get out of the marriage. he was practically RUNNING out. take things slowly. that is very important. focus on yourself. remember, nothing is perfect. keep your chin up. good luck!