After 30+ years in a marriage, my husband says he doesn't love me but still thinks I'm a wonderful, caring person. We went to a counselor who all but told us at the first meeting that there's no hope. He's gone to a counselor again and been told that he's built walls around himself and needs to figure out who he really is. I'm due for a session with a therapist this week to help me through this. I still want us to have a second chance. He was told that at the time we were drifting apart, neither of us recognized it and could deal with it. My question is now that we know that we have a problem, and can deal with it through counseling and working and communicating, don't we deserve another chance? By the way, there's also a co-worker that he has feeling for. I just can't believe that after 30+ years and 3 beautiful children and all the memories that go with it he can throw it all away without giving us a 'second chance. Everyone deserves a second chance. Don't we? Help? Any answers out there?/

Dear tearful:<p>here's a big (((((((HUG))))))) for you. many of us have been in your shoes. you can read my story and many others under the "OTHER TOPICS" forum...the post called "All opinions needed; my H says he doesn't love me anymore" was really helpful to me.<p>there is hope. read all of Dr. Harley's concepts as soon as possible. share them with yur husband. both of you can fill out the love busters and emotional needs questionnaires. <p>i know it is very, very painful, but you must hang on. you are joining the emotional rollercoaster with the rest of us. time heals all wounds. just two weeks ago, all i could think about was dying. it HAS gotten better for me, and i am accepting what has happened. i think i will be in a better emotional state, after i make it thru all of this. i wish you the best of luck. love & prayers.

Yes, you do deserve another chance but that doesn't mean you'll get one. Your husband sounds like he has years of resentment built up and because you've been married 30 years, is thinking he'll be courteous during this breakup.<br>You don't really talk about fights or arguements that much but that's when you usually find out what your spouse is really thinking or feeling. I don't like fights but sometimes its better than no communication at all.<br>The part about having walls seems valid. As men, I believe we actually get rewarded in the business world by being hardened, "business is business"-type guys. Unfortunately, that doesn't work too well at home.<br>You and your husband need to learn how to forgive and forget. Easy to say but so hard to do.<br>Maybe he doesn't feel like he's been appreciated all these years and that's why he's resentful. Maybe he's feels you don't desire him like you used to --whatever the case, you do deserve a second, third, fourth, chance. Don't lose hope and by all means pray, what have you got to lose.<br>Personally, I'm skeptical of therapist and counselors. In order for them to be effective we have to have to agree to listen and try what they suggest. But I'm always concerned about whether I've gotten a bad one or not. I think the next counselor we see I'd like to find someway or someone that could verify how effective they've been. I would certainly try to check up on your current counselor. Don't give up hope.<br>By the way, I'm 38, been married 15 years, have three kids, and was told by my wife (again)last night that she really doesn't love me like she used to. I certainly don't feel it from her but I'm resentful because I'm now trapped by the family and the fact that I would do anything to protect my children from a divorce.